Unsupportive Parent

Welcome to the Coping With Epilepsy Forums

Welcome to the Coping With Epilepsy forums - a peer support community for folks dealing (directly or indirectly) with seizure disorders. You can visit the forum page to see the list of forum nodes (categories/rooms) for topics.

Please have a look around and if you like what you see, please consider registering an account and joining the discussions. When you register an account and log in, you may enjoy additional benefits including no ads, access to members only (ie. private) forum nodes and more. Registering an account is free - you have nothing to lose!

A

acshuman

New
Messages
497
Reaction score
2
Points
0
I was diagnosed at the age of 11! My mother(it) treated me like 'damaged goods' from that day til the day she died. The entire time she said that I was only doing this(having seizures) because I wanted to be the center of attention.
This was NOT the case because my mother was one of the worst narcissistic-type people you could ever find. She was the most vindictive person alive in our home, but in public she was the sweetest, friendly person to anybody outside of our immediate family. Abuse, physical, emotional and mental were high on her list of how to control members of our family.
Actually this abuse helped me deal with my E! The abuse was SO severe that my having E was a minor problem! If she would have realized this, she would have done everything she could have done to make me suffer from my E.
I am just asking if anybody has had one or both parents distance themselves from you as a direct way of showing their dislike of having a child who needs some type of support badly.

ACsHuman
 
I'm so sorry you had to endure that. :(. Hearing things like that makes me sad and angry.

I know a few members went through similar abuse, hopefully they will chime in and let you know you're not alone.

:hugs:
 
acshuman, that is so distressing. If our flesh-and-blood relatives are toxic, we need to choose or create new "families" who will provide the love and support we deserve. Hard to do if you are an eleven-year-old (or even if you are an adult), but I hope that you have been able to take those steps and are in a better place now.
 
Last edited:
Dealing with Rejection

Nakamova,
I learned early-on to just ignore her actions. Later I completely blocked her out of my life!
This was kind of difficult because I had such a good relationship with my father! It was difficult to call him, because she would always be the one who answered the phone. We had to set up 'our times' without letting her know.
It really bent her out of shape when my dad would ask me to come over and help him do something, all the while we would just ignore her evil glares!

ACsHuman
 
New family

I have made my 'new' family the Epilepsy Foundation of Minnesota! It was the best thing that I ever did for myself. I have made many close friends, who I am able to talk to and ask questions of. It is a great connection!

ACsHuman
 
acshuman

I was diagnosed when I was two and my mother was always telling me not to do things I could have a seizure.
I think my mother was ashamed of me because my seizures weren't controllable I'm refractory.my family always made excuses for sisters who use to be drug addicts but they were ashamed of me.I didn't cause my problem.. My mother wanted me have a 2nd brain surgery didn't understand it wasn't up to me.
 
Any kind of abuse is NEVER OK!!My epileptologist once asked me if there was ever any sort of abuse in my home as I was growing up, physically, sexually or emotionally. There was lots of emotional abuse in my home. My seizures didn't start until I was 22 years of age, my senior year of college. But for me, that was basically the beginning of a very long, difficult road of having E. It was when I married that it became worse for me. I had an unsupportive spouse, emotionally, physically abusive. The counselor said "I married my father." So I finally had to leave. Maybe staying with him as long as I did made me stronger, but abuse is never healthy for one's brain. It causes brain damage and/or TLE:

http://www.dana.org/Cerebrum/2000/Wounds_That_Time_Won’t_Heal__The_Neurobiology_of_Child_Abuse/
People with temporal lobe epilepsy (TLE)— .25 percent to .5 percent of the U.S. population—have seizures in the temporal or limbic areas of the brain.
TLE is difficult to diagnose because its symptoms can mimic those of other psychiatric and nonpsychiatric illnesses. The characteristic electrical discharge of TLE can be observed only in an electroencephalogram (EEG) during a seizure that is close enough to the brain’s surface to be picked up by scalp electrodes. Without this objective EEG data, a diagnosis must be based on the frequency and severity of symptoms and the ruling out of other likely causes of those symptoms.

To explore the relationship between early abuse and dysfunction of the temporolimbic system, we devised the Limbic System Checklist-33 (LSCL-33), which calibrates the frequency with which patients experience symptoms of temporolimbic seizures.5 We studied 253 adults who came to an outpatient mental health clinic for psychiatric assessment; slightly more than half reported having been abused physically, sexually, or both. Compared to patients who reported no abuse, average LSCL-33 scores were 38 percent greater in the patients with physical (but not sexual) abuse, and were 49 percent greater in the patients with sexual (but not other physical) abuse. Patients who acknowledged both physical and sexual abuse had average scores 113 percent greater than patients reporting no abuse. Males and females were similarly affected by abuse.

As we expected, abuse before age 18, when the brain is still rapidly developing, had a greater impact on limbic irritability than later abuse. Patients physically or sexually abused after age 18 had scores not significantly different from nonabused patients. Patients with both physical and sexual abuse, however, were strongly affected regardless of when the abuse occurred, and those first abused after age 18 were almost as affected as those first abused earlier.
Click to expand...
 
My mother was abusive the best thing you can do for revenge is do well get education good job be happy that will really piss her
 
Satisfaction

Seagull,
You are so correct in what you say there!
I was named Valedictorian of my graduating class, and all I got from my abuser was a big scowl! I guess I did too good.
I found out that it was easy to control her. If she was going to do something, all I had to say was that I would do it a way that was the most simple. Just because of what I said she do that thing that in the most difficult way possible to spite my suggestion. HA HA on her!
The best part was when I cut her out of my life. I ignored her completely after I made that decision! Any time I saw her she had a huge scowl on her face! Just like she was mad as hell that she no longer had any way of trying to destroy me!
Those scowls made me feel oh so good each time I saw one!!!!

ACsHuman:pop:
 
ACsHuman,

I saw your post and wanted to let you know I've joined this website.
 
people always say they know what they'd do ; until your in my shoes you can't say that.parents are great at saying that especially my mother.
 
People Who Think They Know What Having E Is Like

Belinda5000,
The worst case of that type of feeling, I faced, was in a court. I was NOT able to drive, and my county had told me that I had to pay something 'In person", They said that they 'weren't allowed' to take that payment over the phone.
Well, I was late in paying it, and had to make an appearance in court. When the judge asked me 'why I had been late making my payment', I told her that I wasn't allowed to drive, so I couldn't get to the county office to make the payment. The judge in turn looked at me an said 'I don't like people who try to use lies to excuse themselves'. My dad had driven a good distance to give me a ride to the court so he was really angry when the judge said that, and told the judge 'you don't know what NOT having a DL is like'. She in turn scolded him. I was so angry that I interrupted the judge and said 'I would like to see you live for a single week w/o having a family member be able to ever give you a ride anywhere'. She suddenly shut up, looked at me and told us to 'get out of her courtroom'.
This all happened because she thought she knew everything until I callenged her to do it herself, and she shut up and made us leave. This was because she couldn't deal with someone calling her on her 'knowing everything about everything'.
I made a complaint with the county and she was reprimanded for her 'lack of understanding'. But, she kept her job!

ACsHuman:twocents:
 
I don't think that acceptance will ever go away! My shunning started mostly after my TL surgery. Unless someone going through the shunning, they don't know how much it hurts. It was a few weeks ago now that I got a call from someone. They brought up my brother's name. I got this thought that this was a debt collector. I just told the person who called that I know of this person but I don't know them well. I called my mother to tell her about this call. What I learned was so hurtful. I learned that call was because my brother put me as a family member to call if there was a problem in the hospital where he was. My mother called me back to say she learned that my brother was in the hospital. I flew in the car to go see what was going on with my brother. I learned that he was in critical condition in the hospital and....my family I talked to allllllll knew about it!!! They got caught keeping this from me! This is all because they don't think I could handle the stress. They are/were so wrong! All of my family who were told of it lived on opposite parts of the country or....never talked to him. I pretty much took over at the hospital. I called my family who had done this to me and let them know that they needed to come to be with him. They came immediately to see he was in poor condition. They came and stayed at MY house for three weeks while I fed them too. I was the one who suggested that he be transferred to a different hospital. I then let them know that I could care for him better at home than any nurse has done for him in the long term hospital where he was transferred . (He had just had back surgery a month earlier and very dizzy and passed out. This fall broke his back in three areas and couldn't walk for some time) What would you of done knowing that your family knew of him in critical condition and not letting you know? It hurt me and I don't think I will ever forget that they thought I was too stupid and unable to go see my brother in the hospital. (other than his 22 year old son living anywhere near him!) People need to go through this themselves to understand what this shunning does to people. All because of seizures I rarely have today.
 
Notification of Problems

lrjg,
I know how you felt! When my father had a problem with his heart while doinf a treadmill test in the doctor's office, I was never told that he had been taken to a trauma center 60 miles from my home. I finally found out about it when my parent's pastor called me to ask if I wanted to ride with him to the hospital. At the hospital my mother(IT) wouldn't answer any questions that I had about dad's problems. Their pastor saw this and asked 'What is the problem betwwen you and you mother?). I simply asked him 'Did you know I had E?). He looked at me and said NO. This was after he had been their pastor fro over 30 years. IT had never even brought up the fact that I had E in that entire time!
The next time we(pastor and I) went to the hospital, I found out that my mother(IT) had instructed the hospital to NOT notify me if my father's condition worsened or improved!
After my father passed on I found out that IT:evil: had my father's medical records sealed so I could never find out the reason he died! How's that for an uncaring, vindictive parent?
It was worthless to ask her about this, and she took the information to the grave with her.
So I will NEVER know what kind of heart problem my father had so I could have test done to check if I gotten it passed to me through genealogy!

ACsHuman
 
acshuman, It just doesn't make sense! I know I have gotten to the point too, that they are why I just don't care anymore. Let them come back to me later and ask why I am so distant to them now. I dare them to ask! This shunning isn't new with my brothers. It was like I never existed as a sister growing up. I didn't realize their treatment with me as a kid was all wrong. I was just a sister that hid in the corner when my father was fighting with them. This is why I say he got along with me better. I feared talking back to him like my brothers and sister. I was over protected by my parents because of my Diabetes which kept me from ever trying to smoke or drink like my siblings. I think that is more reason why they shunned me as an adult. When my Epilepsy hit me as an adult, they probably just saw me as a bigger freak! I probably shouldn't say that of my sister. It was when I had trouble before my TL surgery and then after that we became much closer. I think what is hurt most now from what happened lately with my brother and it being kept from me is my lack of trust with anything my family would say or do now. I can only say....it's how they want it.
 
my son doctor and has good standard of life I guess it down to the woman who gave birth to me ..I so desperately did not want him have childhood like mine I made certain he came from loving family who encouraged him.the buck of family abuse stopped.That woman wanted me to fail at everything my sister on the other hand could do nothing wrong I did try not to have tiny smile when sainted sisters two daughters got pregnant within month of each other one 15 the other 14 became school girl statistics unmarried mothers.
The woman who gave birth to me bought them all house each with the money from two oil paintings my nan gave me that mother stole from me.Mothers last words to me last week I was useless fat lump of lard and with retard for granddaughter I don't even refer to her as my mother just the woman who gave birth to me.
Take experienced advice do well for yourself make sure she see you as everything she not ,you live happy life
 
Hi AC,
I'm very sorry that you had a hard home life, but take my word I did also. Both of my parents didn't want to deal with my E. I got it when I was 10 yrs. old and in the beginning they seemed a little concerned as to what was going on but as soon as they found out I had E. All they did was complain about it. Both of my parents complained about the medical bills even though they had insurance to cover it. By the age of 14-15 they pushed me out the door and sent me out of state to a Boarding School where I lived year around and they were no longer responsible for me. I was 14 or 15 at the time and it was a nightmare. The boarding school was set up like a college would be and twice I had to deal with a room mates that tried to commit suicide. It wasn't nice walking into my room to see my room mate almost dead especially at the age of 15. Years later as I grew up and got married my mom still rejected me and refuses to see me or speak to me because I didn't let me E stop me in life. I got a job, and got married but she was mad at me because my husband and I didn't have any kids, but there was no way I was going to have any kids with them at risk of getting E. along with the med that I was on at the time possibly causing birth defects. Rejection is hard especially when I see my mom with my brother every single holiday but never once did she and my dad invite my husband and I to Christmas. It hurts a lot but I've had to carry on in life and remember it could be a lot worse for me . I wish you the best of luck and May God Bless You!

Sue
 
Last edited:
Try not to let it bother you. I know it's hard because it's family, but.........

You can add "Friends" to this title. I've dumped so many friends because they made fun of me. At this point of my life, I don't need them OR family that makes fun of a serious health issue like we have.
 
Joey,
when friends dump you because of E there not true friend and that's how you find out who your true friends really are.
Belinda
 
Hi Belinda,

No...."I've" dumped so called friends. I had one so called friend tell someone about my E. He said it was when I throw myself on the floor like I'm crazy and shake around. That really hurt my feelings, so "I" dumped him as my friend.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom