When loved ones divorce

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Mellismom

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Hi everyone

I wasn't quite sure where to put this one. I just need to get it out and maybe get some answers.

I don't think anyone else knows it yet but my husband was told that his sister is currently separating from her husband and it will probably lead to a divorce so it is pretty serious. Even though it is not my own relationship I am still heart broken and I don't know what to say or do. I feel so disappointed.

I seek experience from others who either are divorced or have someone in the family who are. What did you do about uncle/aunt relations? My daughters see her husband as their uncle. Could that continue? I mean, he is still the father of their cousins. I once completely lost contact with an uncle after a divorce. I haven't seen or heard from him since and it makes me sad to think if that is going to happen to my children.

And how about birthday invitations? Do we invite all of them or only my sister-in-law and my nieces? They don't hate each other as far as I understand.

Is there anything we can do for their children? I was thinking maybe invite them over once in a while to get away from the changes at home.

I'm still thinking they're going to call us and say it is a joke, it is so unrealistic! And it feels so terrible to keep this alone because we don't know whether or not the rest of the family knows anything.

- Mellismom
 
The ripple effects of a divorce can be very tough. Many relationships and friendships can be disturbed. It's a bit like watching someone tear out a garden that you helped to plant. :(

I imagine that the needs and the wishes of your husband's sister will probably dictate how much contact there is with her soon-to-be ex. If you're not sure what to do, check in with her first. There may be some trial-and-error to see what is a comfortable for everyone involved. Ultimately, some relationships may fade through physical or emotional distance. The connections can't be forced or controlled. At least with the internet it's much easier now than in the past for you and your nieces to maintain while the parents go through their own transitions.
 
Thank you for replying. Your metaphor about the garden matches perfectly the feelings I have right now. Just watching it happen, completely powerless.

I guess I will just have to wait and see how it all works out.
 
Hi Mellismom,

My parents were married for 41 yrs. and then got a divorce and take my word it can really upset all of the family emotionally. I've found that the best thing to do is to let my family come to me that way I know how they feel and my Dad doesn't feel like there's any favoritism between parents. From my past experience I feel it's the kids who get hurt more than the parents (at least in my situation).

Don't let the divorce ruin any good relationship you have had with others but also don't stress yourself out to much and end up having seizures, this is what happened to me after my parents split up. I wish you and the family only the best and May God Bless All of You!

Sue
 
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She not be your sisterinlaw be her friend just say I realise you not married but I count you has friend.There divorce has nothing to do with you but friendship has.If she say no then it was both you and brother.Your bro has no say who your friends are.It happened to a few I know and x wives get on well other half sibs.What ever you do don't interfere with their
Don't interfere in anyway to what happening to them
getting divorce is good thing stops you dragging along two people miserable wasting life.They can let go start living...It sad on children but dire if they have watch parents suffering for sake of them
 
Thank you, Porkette and seagull. :)

I'm afraid it is happening at the worst time possible for me because I already feel stressed and I am having another baby soon, which I am very happy about but also quite hormonal.

Mostly I'm thinking about their children and how their world is changing.

I will just try to be there for them the best I can and try not to forget myself and my own limits - I have a tendency too. As seagull says, just be her friend.
 
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