I'm Depressed.

[Kate]

Yesterday I went to my doctor, and he told me that he thinks I have depression. He said it may be from some of the medicine I have been on.. but he is not sure. He also said it's perfectly normal for someone in my situation to be depressed.

He's going to put me on an anti-depressant when I get back from the IU Med Center. He didn't want to start me on any new medicines right before I go up there. I go there in six days.

I have always been an extremely happy person.. I've always been able to find the positive side in everything. I've had random injuries because I was always so active, and I was always SO positive. Even after my car accident, and with my broken ankle, everyone always told me they just couldn't believe how happy and positive I seemed.

But ever since I've had epilepsy.. I just haven't been the same. It's not the seizures really.. it's more of being so locked up in this house. I literally feel like an animal trapped in a cage. I have said before, I live in a VERY small town with no public transportation. My parents are very busy people.. All my friends are hours away going to school, and here I am.

I try to stay busy, and take up activities. I try to connect to friends on the phone, the internet, etc. But I still just feel so extremely lonely..

I start classes in a few days, but of course they have to be online, because I can't drive to the college. I miss my sorority sisters, and the social interaction you get at school.

Sorry this seems like one big whine. I know it could be worse. I just seem at my wits end. I try to put on a smile, and pretend like everything is fine and dandy, but really it's not. I even have some things coming up (like a concert I have AMAZING tickets for) that I should be looking forward to, but I'm just emotionless about it. I don't know if it's the meds causing this or what, but either way.. I am not myself.

I want the old Kate back.

Has anyone else gone through this? Am I a total freak?

[TeeTees]

You're not alone on this one Kate, and far from being a freak.

I've also been told by my Doc in the past, when I've visited him about depression, that if you flick through my life-story book it's no wonder I'm so damn depressed !...He said He'd be depressed too (haha).

You have every right and reason to feel depressed right now, what with all the 'isolation' feelings you must be experiencing.......BUT.....you knew there was gonna be a but right ?....reading your comments, it can be either one of two things :

1. You feel depressed because of how your life has changed at the moment - if this is the case, you need to assess your life, and see how many positive things you can bring out of it, how many negative things you can bring out of it, and stick 'em on a set of scales. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how Positive things should be right now.

2. You feel depressed because this is how you're reacting to the medication - speak to your Doc about this one first....he may be able to prescribe some other anti-epileptic drug, or an anti-depressant for a bried period to get you over what you're feeling right now.

I have been sooo depressed in the past when there is absolutely no reason why. A simple change in my diet, or a visit to the gym, or a home workout can work it's magic.

[xenome]

I know how you feel because I am depressed too, I hate having epilepsy so freaking much and being alone all the time. I, however live in a city with public transportation and I live in the same building as my best friends so I dont have it as bad as you. Maybe you should try taking up some hobbies. I recently got into model rockets. Plus I play video games and watch tv. I also recently signed up for netflix so I could watch tv and movies online. Does the college your friends attend have dorms? If so maybe you could go live there or something. Perhaps, you could also make arrangements with your friends to come over once or twice a week and hang out with you, have a girls night or something. Hang in there.

[skillefer]

Kate, you are not a freak. I think all of us go through this when we find out about the epilepsy. My suggestion, if your seizures are fairly under control and the college your attending online has dorms, move into the dorms next term. I was a health aide for a dorm, I dealt with all the medical issues for my floor. See if the dorm has a health aide. Also, some colleges have special dorms for disabled students. Check and see. If your parents aren't comfortable with that, and they might not be because of fears for you, ask them to help you get an apartment in town. The thing is, your at the age when EVERYONE wants to be pulling away from their parents, leaving the nest, and becoming their own person. That is perfectly normal. Hang tough Kate.

[RobinN]

Just be careful about taking even another drug.
My oldest son who has High Functioning Aspergers was given a med that was to help with his focus and was to balance his moods too. After a while I was on suicide watch with him. He eventually took himself off of the meds the hard way. Looked like he went through withdrawals like a drug addict. Then it hit the papers that this drug was causeing suicidal thoughts in many that were taking the drug, and a huge warning was issued.

Be careful that what you are taking isn't bringing you down.
I certainly would be depressed if my life had taken the turn yours did. However, looking from the outside in... and I know that is a lot easier said than done... try to find one or two things each day to be grateful for. Could you pay the gas for a friend to come pick you up? Could you plan a get together sometime at your house?.. have a few friends come by for pizza and a movie. I am sure your parents are busy, but occasionally why not ask for a favor... and you do one for them. Life is rough at times... smile it does help.

[Bernard]

Kate, I can't remember your seizure history, but if you are reasonable well controlled (or at least aware of when you are likely to have a seizure), you might consider a Segway Transporter. There is no driver's license requirement for them. It might offer you a bit more independence if you can use one safely.