Nancy said:
They have no idea why or how I "knew" something was wrong and had insisted/begged to my local neuro for man months for additional help. I had been screaming, crying, pleading, sending email to my local neuro that I could not paint, was dyslexic, having other problems.
He said and wrote back that I was simply trying to gain attention.
However I STILL know things are wrong that they don't see or cannot verify.
Oh well...........
Hi Nancy,
When I went blind in the left field of vision of both eyes, it was diagnosed as "hysterical blindness".
The pressure I felt on my brain from the massive deformed blood vessels and fistula [abscess\cyst-like formation] was also discounted, trivialized, or interpreted as some sort of psychiatric symptom, right up until the day I collapsed and went into status while having a stroke [ I was a "hysterical personality type"].
There is a lot they don't see or recognize about brain inury, including the capacity for the brain to heal, to relearn what is lost or damaged. At some point I figured out that there was impairment of my memory in that I could only mentally "see" and juggle two or three words or bits of information at one time; too much information too fast and I completely blank even lose my speech and ability to tell someone what's wrong. No one tested for this type of memory loss, so I just manage it as best possible. Games like scrabble also were useful in retraining that kind of memory, having to work with the letters to form words. Crosswords and other games helped as well. I got some shape puzzles, tannegrams and others to kick start my brain's ability to picture things better.
By studying and thinking about what you find is a problem, you may also see hints of how to overcome it and relearn. I got a tape recorder and used it to teach myself to speak more normally again, reading one or two sentences at a time, then playing back and practicing until I could read and pronounce the sentences correctly at a normal rate of speed.
As you become aware of what is a problem for you, you can also develop strategies for relearning or overcoming them. The myth of neurons being irreplaceable is finally being overturned more than twenty-five years after it was shown that neurons do regenerate, we are growing new nerve cells all our lives.
Throughout the time I was overcoming paralysis and the damage following the brain surgeries, I had periodic dreams that were guides to my recovery. In one dream my task was to rewire a stack of circuit boards that had been damaged in a fire. All night I worked so hard to rewire those boards. The next morning was the day I got the thumb on my left hand to move for the first time since the stroke.
To this day, I cannot write legibly by hand and haven't had the courage to try and draw again. If I ever get settled and feel safe again, I'd really like to try some drawing, maybe painting again too. Can you post some pictures of your wood carvings? Are you able to do them now?
It can be soooo frustrating to be so acutely aware of something wrong and not have anyone else be able to grasp it as real. Just keep trusting in your own knowledge and ability and keep open for those times when you do meet others who can understand.