Hey all,
I'm new to these forums. I've had epilepsy for about 4 1/2 years and the longer I have it the more frustrated I get with my condition. My condition is fairly manageable with only a few seizures a year and that's usually because I mess up and forget, which happens semi-frequently and luckily my mom or fiance always ask me if I've taken it. If I can't remember I take it again.
It's not the seizures I'm most frustrated with, it's the constant side effects of living with it. The memory loss, the frustration, the higher suicide rate, the mental and physical fatigue despite not doing anything. The fact that I feel like I've been through a dryer on spin cycle when I go on long car trips for no foreseeable reason that I can think of besides having this disorder. I love to travel too. What would it be like on an airplane? Obviously I haven't traveled extensively in awhile.
Most days I feel like throwing myself off a cliff, but I know that's the epilepsy talking. I know it's not really me. I know that I just get so overwhelmed with myself that I want to escape myself but I'm unable to do so. I'm afraid one day I won't remember. Every conflict with someone is harder and harder to deal with. My depression immediately goes to "Everyone really would be better off if I disappeared instead of having to baby me" Like, walk into some woods or something and let nature take its course. Nature has deemed me unfit anyway, but man has not.
See, even though I wanted to be treated normal, I know I'm not. For all my demands to be treated normal I hate it when I am. When its ignored. I hate it when its seen as an excuse to not do something like hold a long term job. The only time I can ever lose myself and feel normal is when I play video games. I know they can give people seizures but they've never been a trigger for me. Mine has almost always been from sleeping, mistakes or fatigue.
Sleeping is a huge problem for me. I can rarely sleep through the time. It's common for me to only have three hours of sleep or less of full sleep time. It seems like anything can wake me. Even my fiance turning over or snoring. It's no one's fault. I can catch up during the day but it's never enough.
Anyway, the reason why its taken me so long to find a support group is because I didn't feel like my epilepsy was as severe as the people who had seizures that were harder to control. Like I'd be making a bigger deal out of it than it was.
:e::e::e::e:
I'm new to these forums. I've had epilepsy for about 4 1/2 years and the longer I have it the more frustrated I get with my condition. My condition is fairly manageable with only a few seizures a year and that's usually because I mess up and forget, which happens semi-frequently and luckily my mom or fiance always ask me if I've taken it. If I can't remember I take it again.
It's not the seizures I'm most frustrated with, it's the constant side effects of living with it. The memory loss, the frustration, the higher suicide rate, the mental and physical fatigue despite not doing anything. The fact that I feel like I've been through a dryer on spin cycle when I go on long car trips for no foreseeable reason that I can think of besides having this disorder. I love to travel too. What would it be like on an airplane? Obviously I haven't traveled extensively in awhile.
Most days I feel like throwing myself off a cliff, but I know that's the epilepsy talking. I know it's not really me. I know that I just get so overwhelmed with myself that I want to escape myself but I'm unable to do so. I'm afraid one day I won't remember. Every conflict with someone is harder and harder to deal with. My depression immediately goes to "Everyone really would be better off if I disappeared instead of having to baby me" Like, walk into some woods or something and let nature take its course. Nature has deemed me unfit anyway, but man has not.
See, even though I wanted to be treated normal, I know I'm not. For all my demands to be treated normal I hate it when I am. When its ignored. I hate it when its seen as an excuse to not do something like hold a long term job. The only time I can ever lose myself and feel normal is when I play video games. I know they can give people seizures but they've never been a trigger for me. Mine has almost always been from sleeping, mistakes or fatigue.
Sleeping is a huge problem for me. I can rarely sleep through the time. It's common for me to only have three hours of sleep or less of full sleep time. It seems like anything can wake me. Even my fiance turning over or snoring. It's no one's fault. I can catch up during the day but it's never enough.
Anyway, the reason why its taken me so long to find a support group is because I didn't feel like my epilepsy was as severe as the people who had seizures that were harder to control. Like I'd be making a bigger deal out of it than it was.
:e::e::e::e: