How would you deal with this?

[momof3boys]

For the longest time now, my husband's boss has been coming to him during his work hours, telling him to look at his car. Now, last year, a year ago... I told my husband that because his boss was coming to us all the time, to ask that my husband look at his cars and fix them. It was causing alot of stress for me. My husband works first shift, 6am - 2pm. I am at home with three kids, and once he gets home, I feel like I need a break. But, the last time this came about, my husband walks in the door from work at 2:30pm, and at 2:38pm his boss is calling him, saying he's in OUR Backyard by our garage and wants my husband to look at his car! I mean come on! We have a life! For this guy to come by after he walks in the door from his job and expect him to look at his car and fix it, without even asking first, really made me mad! I told my husband last year to please let this guy know that we were going to be taking a break on working on cars for now. Since then, this guy keeps bringing this up to my husband at work.

Like today, he comes walking in the door telling me that his boss said he wants him to look at his car on sunday! What the heck? What cant this guy get through this head? We said were not looking at cars at this time. For the past year we've said this. Its been months now since my husband even looked at his car and fixed some breaks. MONTHS. Now. this guy is saying something is wrong with his breaks again, and because my husband fixed them, he says he needs to look at this car again. Well, first off... its been MONTHS since my husband did any work on this car. I can see if it was a day or a week, and he noticed this. But when you change parts on a car, and it works fine for months, and then months later, another problem shows up, how in the world can this guy tell my husband this new problem is due to what he did MONTHS ago, and he has to fix it?

has this guy ever thought that maybe, just maybe his car is a piece of junk and to look into getting a new one? Or has he ever thought about how long parts can work, before they need to be fixed again? Or maybe something else went wrong?

This is so making me stresed out. This guy expects my husband to do this work, because my husband charges half of the labor charge to do the work compared to him taking it to a local shop and getting it done there.

When my husband does work like this, I get no help from my husband with the kids. its like him working a longer shift and god only knows how long it would take him to fix the car. And on top of that, this boss of his drops off his car while he is at work! His boss has different days off than my husband. So on a day that my husband works, and his boss is off, his boss will come by our home without my husband being here and just drop the car off. Then expect him to come home, and start working on the car ASAP.

I dont know what else to say to this guy to get it through his head that we are not working on other people's cars at this time! Heck we still are looking for a part for our car to fix our a/c! Why would we put his car before our own? OMG.

So if you were me, how would you go about this?

 

[Silat]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

Yeah... he's gonna be a difficult one.

I would have your husband raise his labor costs to the "normal" or slightly above it for your area - reason being he's not looking at cars so if it's a special case and the guy wants him to personally look at and fix it, it's going to cost at least twice as much as it would when he's normally working on cars...

That's what I would do anyway. Give him an incentive to go somewhere else and not bother you guys, but if he won't gouge him for money. Don't let him bully you into reducing the price or convince your husband that it was your husbands fault and he needs to fix it. This guy is a classic narcissistic person - he's not going to react well to the change in price, but don't let him bully you around. Be very firm about it.

Just state "Here's what you want done, here's what I want for you doing it, here's why, and if that's a problem there are other mechanics in the area who would love your business."

 

[momof3boys]

I so wish my husband had the balls to say that. Now with me, Id say those words to this guy's face in a heatbeat! Last time he was here, was about 6 weeks ago. That was the time he phoned us and said he was in our backyard wanting my husband to come look at his car! It was then, that my husband went out to see what was wrong, and I told him before he went out, to only look at it, and not give it and tell the guy you would fix it. about 15 minutes later, my husband is coming to me, telling me he was going to take the kids to the auto part store to get the part needed to fix the guys car! HELL NO! I personally went out there and told this guy that no, my husband will not be fixing his car today. We have a life and if he cant see that, then I didnt know what to say. I was mad, upset and to the point of wanting to burst into tears. I had a long day with the kids and all I wanted was my husband to come home and give me a break. Instead, this guy had to show up out of the blue and tell my husband to fix his car! Im sick of it! Its not like my husband is single guy living in single family home, and comes home to have nothing to do in his free time. I told my husband that if he cant tell this guy no, and if he shows up at our door with this car, i will be the one to personally have a good talking to this guy. This guy shouldnt be so pushy when it comes to our life outside of their work. I can see my husband wanting to do the stuff for this guy at work, but when that clock says its time to leave for the day and he comes home, this guy should be respectful of our time as a family and leave us alone!

Thanks for the reply. Think Im going to show this post to my husband so he can read it himself. Maybe it will sink in better for him.

 

[Eli]

A situation like that would cause me to seize. Emotional situations and than a confrontation is a sure floor face dive for me.

I can tell you this much....people that have pushed me that far...I usually don't see or have to deal with again! :banana:

Examples:
We just bought this house that's been empty almost a year so the neighbors have been very curious about the "new owners."

*A guy in the neighborhood walks his dog around midnight. He kept coming to our fence and it got my service dog all stirred up. (He has a doggy door.)

So one night I was still re-couping from sz activity, this guy came to the fence. (Our fence isn't next to the street so he had to come 30ft or so onto our property.)

I go see what's going on at midnight in the yard! I'm outside, trying to get my dog in the house, he's treating the man as an intruder, im wigging out and start shaking. I stutter "epilepsy service dog, please leave." I manage to get into the house and drop to the floor. My dog does what he does during my seizures and life goes on.

The neighbor hasn't been back! onder: fft:

When I see neighbors during the day I wave, smile and have made small talk. But I'm sure they all know now that the "new owner" is epileptic. haha.

Point being, if your husbands' boss keeps screwing with you he might get a load of seizure scare he wasn't expecting.

 

[momof3boys]

It got me thinking... what if this continues and the stress of this causes me to have seizures. Would this guy have any emotions to show us how sorry he would be, if he saw me stressed out to the max, while my husband is having to take time out of our day, to help him, and not his wife with the kids?

Who Knows. My gut tells me no. But like I told my husband, if he wont bring it up to him, I will for sure!


Eli, that would be horriable to go through. So far since Ive been put from two anti seizure medications down to one, I can notice a huge difference in what seems to easily trigger on seizures. Lack of sleep is one of them. To help that, Ive started taking melatonin which has helped. And of course too much stress. Here this past year, thats pretty much all ive been dealing with. If its not my health, its the health of my son, who had a terriable year in school... or my husband, who we found out has a brain tumor last October.

 

[Eli]

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Here's another thought and I've used this one...

Look buddy you being here is causing me seizure grief. If I seize we're looking at a couple grand ER bill and if you're the cause you're payng the bill.

 

[Eli]

Argh, you are having a rough year.

/huggs we're here for you

btw I used to live in Omaha, I loved NE!

 

[momof3boys]

Thank you. Im just praying that this guy stops! It would be so much easier to deal with things around here, without having to deal with how he is going to react to him getting his car fixed!

I've always lived in Nebraska... went from Sidney, Ne. where I was born, to Kearney Nebraska... now Im in Lincoln Nebraska! I basicly worked my way from west to east over the years! :lol:

 

[Silat]

It got me thinking... what if this continues and the stress of this causes me to have seizures. Would this guy have any emotions to show us how sorry he would be, if he saw me stressed out to the max, while my husband is having to take time out of our day, to help him, and not his wife with the kids?

A narcissitic person doesn't have any regard for anyone other than themselves. If other people suffer, they don't care, so long as they're not personally suffering as well.

That's why a lot of them are owners/managers/CEO's of businesses. They can make those calls that would upset the whole workforce, and not feel the least bit guilty... :?

 

[momof3boys]

A narcissitic person doesn't have any regard for anyone other than themselves. If other people suffer, they don't care, so long as they're not personally suffering as well.

That's why a lot of them are owners/managers/CEO's of businesses. They can make those calls that would upset the whole workforce, and not feel the least bit guilty... :?

Thats what this guy is ALL THE WAY! I swear he drives me freaking nuts! It suprised my husband last month when I went up to the guy in our garage and told him he was not going to get his car fixed today! :roflmao: Talk about a suprise look on his face.

 

[Endless]

Momof3boys,

How awful. I've had really BAD neighbors before. And to make it worse he's your husband's boss. Awful. (is he a neighbor, or does he just show up in your backyard unannounced?)

What kind of business is your husband in? Is it a big company or a small one? Is his boss asking him to pay for the boss's parts? Is he asking to have it fixed for free?

I'm just so sorry you are going through this. It's almost like he's stalking your husband, and it's got both of you on edge.

There are lots of options, each with their own set of good and bad consequences. I guess the trick is to find an option that ends up with the good ones you want, and the bad ones you can handle. I imagine getting fired isn't one you can handle.

• Your husband can keep fixing his boss's car.
• If your husband works for a big company he can go to HR and tell them he's being harassed and intimidated.
• You can take out a restraining order against boss X
• Your husband can say he doesn't know how to fix it, and give his boss a list of auto repair shops to choose from
• You can move, change your address (keep it a secret), get an unlisted phone number, and hire a bonecrusher to stand outside in your driveway
• There are also many sneaky things to do that aren't nice but would get rid of his car. But then you'd be just like him. (not a consequence anybody would want, especially you since you are such a good person)

There are probably 1000's of possible approaches.


I don't know. It's possible to talk to a police officer, explain that your husband is being harrassed if not stalked, and ask what options you have. It doesn't hurt to be informed.

The fact the boss could fire your husband and has control over his work destiny makes this so incredibly improper. The boss should never abuse his position of power and coerce an employee to do personal favors for him, or harass him at work. I'm hoping your husband works for a company who would support him and discipline his boss for at-work harassment, at the very least.

 

[momof3boys]

Momof3boys,

How awful. I've had really BAD neighbors before. And to make it worse he's your husband's boss. Awful. (is he a neighbor, or does he just show up in your backyard unannounced?)

What kind of business is your husband in? Is it a big company or a small one? Is his boss asking him to pay for the boss's parts? Is he asking to have it fixed for free?

My husband works for the dept of corrections, for the state. His boss is not our neighbor, he lives about 4 miles from us. The last time he was here, he showed up in our backyard unannounced. Totally ticked me off.

My husband has worked on his vehicles on and off for Id say the past couple of years now. He's brought over his wife's van, his work car, his sons car, and his daughters car. I dont mind if he looked at the one car, but once it got to 4 different cars, and he was dropping them off on the weekends.. sat or sun when his boss was off, but my husband was at work... my husband had mon and tues off. he would come over, park the car in the front of our home, knock on the door to hand me the keys, and then call after my husband got off of work to tell him to get started on the car asap. He would be picking it up at a certain time. It got to be like he was using us to have my husband fix his vehicles because my husband was a mechanic prior to getting into this job field he is in, and went to college and got his degree in automotive repair. Oh and my husband said he charges half price for labor compared to the big car dealers who charge $100 an hour for labor work on vehicles. At first, he was telling us to put the car parts he needed on our credit cards! Then I found out about this and told my husband hell no! If he wants to save money on labor and have my husband do his car work in his free time, the least this guy could do is pay for the parts! He was having us get the parts, and put it on our card, then paying for the parts with labor charges by writing a check. But i still didnt feel comfortable having us pay for the parts upfront before even getting paid for doing the job!

My husband went to work today and we spoke last night about this issue. I told my husband he can tell his boss one of two things...

1) tell him that because the summer is here and all the kids are home with me, its too much stress for me to handle at this time, with having to take care of the kids, and then him come home, and if he were to work on cars, I would get no help from him. Not something I wanted. So til things got easier around here, and til i see my doctor again, there will be no repairs of cars being done.

2) if he truely does need his car fixed, then instead of us charging him half price for labor, $50 an hour, due to the added stress it causes me, then we would have to increase the price up to $100 an hour for labor. :roflmao: :rock:

But Guess What!?

My husband went to work and told this to the guy.. and he said he would look around for someone else to do it! :rock::banana:

But again, I'll have to see how long this takes, til he is at it again and asking my husband to work on more of his vehicles!