Crack an Epilepsy

[Bray]

My son was diagnosed with Myoclonic Epilepsy when he was 14 he is now 21.

I am one of those parents that ask every single time I see him.."are you taking your medicine?"

When he was 14-18 and still living at home I went as far as putting his medicine in a little shot glass and putting it on the toilet seat , so he would have to pick his medicine up to use the bathroom.He just wouldn't take it otherwise.(depakote 250mg.3x a day)

At 18 he moved out and started doing crack cocaine.

I found this out this time last year. He Tried to get in the army , which he did , but had a seizure within a week and was discharged.Even after all that he still wouldn't take his meds. A month of medicine would sometime last him 2 or more months.

I have tried rehabs ,showing him seizure videos begging,pleading crying and praying. He has a wife and 2 year old. They live a life that I wouldn't wish on anyone.He won't keep a job but I still would try to help them.
Today is a different story....I just found out I had high blood pressure and it was so high that getting such stressful news of his drug use and seizures was a shock to the doctor that I haven't had a heart attack already.

I have worried myself sick for all these years about his drug addiction and lack of concern for his epilepsy. I finally felt like I couldn't take anymore and I told him to get his life together or leave me out of it.

I have a 10 year old who adores him but he still needs his Mom.

I never would have thought he would have responded to the news of my stress and blood pressure like he did.He tried to say things that would really hurt me and stress me out more , I couldn't believe this is from the same son I had worried for so long about.He wrote I hope this doesn't stress you out but ""I #ucked up!!!!" over a hundred times in big letters , Don't get to stressed cooking,eating etc.

I know he is hurt and a lot of his reaction is due to drug addiction and me finally saying enough is enough.

My question here is did I do the right thing?

I know I did the right thing if it was drugs alone but it is so hard when he has another just as deadly condition to deal with .

Thank you so dearly for listening.
Bray

 

[Bernard]

Hi Bray, welcome to the forum. :hello:

My father had similar issues with my older brother (drug problem - not seizures). He eventually decided that the tough love route was the only hope for him. So, he cut him off completely from all support (monetary). My brother wasted several years before he completely bottomed out and had his epiphany. Since then, he married a great woman and got his life back on track.

I believe in tough love. :twocents:

 

[Georgiagirl88]

Bray,

SO sorry about this hard time with your son. I know it must be so worrisome and hurtful as a Mother. Can you talk to his wife at all? Or is she part of the drug problem do you think? At some point I agree with Bernard...as parents we can do all that we can to
raise our kids and love them and offer our help, and then at some point it is in their hands. Right now the drugs are talking...I wouldn't take the things he says personally. Take care of yourself and the BP. Stress definitely makes it worse. I will pray that he gets his life on track and stops the drugs and gets better. And I will pray for you as well..prayers works wonders!!!!!

God Bless!
Michelle

 

[mamaruns]

I think you did absolutely the right thing. Crack is a horrid addiction and your son should especially know not to do stimulants like that when he has epilepsy. It's a bad enough drug for people that don't have seizures.

All the stress and worry you have over him will make you sick. He's a grown man and it's time he learns from his mistakes. I know that as a mom it must be tough to let go, but you need to do it for your own health and sanity. It will also make your son think twice about what he's doing to himself and his family.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I agree with Bernard. Sometimes tough love is the best way to help those you care about.

 

[Bray]

Thank you all for the warm welcomes

The wife refuses to work or do anything about his drug binges that leaves her and the baby without money or a car for days.She doesn't do drugs or drink , but she is what I like to call a G-rated version of him.

She has asked for so much from her family , went along with his lies and covers for him at all costs. She isn't afraid of him , that is not why she stays, she is afraid if she leaves she will have to eventually have to get a job.
They work as a team now instead of my son being the main manipulator , she also chimes in when ever he says anything about needing something...for example ..
They say....They both don't eat for days so that their son can.This is not true, my son looks like he has gained 15 pounds at least in the past month.The wife said she has been throwing up for 2 days because she just can't seem to stomach another bologna sandwich.I would feed them , people would send food and groceries to their house. They allow and accept this without one thought of getting a job themselves or even applying for food stamps.
When I write this and actually read over it, I really do think that I made the right decision. How can you help someone who is obviously not helping themselves.
I beat this in my mind every day so that when I get the call that says my son had a seizure and died while doing drugs it won't be such a shock.Not sure if it will help though, but I have tried everything else.

Thank you all for the help and prayers.
Bray

 

[mamaruns]

The wife refuses to work or do anything about his drug binges that leaves her and the baby without money or a car for days.She doesn't do drugs or drink , but she is what I like to call a G-rated version of him.

She has asked for so much from her family , went along with his lies and covers for him at all costs. She isn't afraid of him , that is not why she stays, she is afraid if she leaves she will have to eventually have to get a job.
They work as a team now instead of my son being the main manipulator , she also chimes in when ever he says anything about needing something...for example ..
They say....They both don't eat for days so that their son can.This is not true, my son looks like he has gained 15 pounds at least in the past month.The wife said she has been throwing up for 2 days because she just can't seem to stomach another bologna sandwich.I would feed them , people would send food and groceries to their house. They allow and accept this without one thought of getting a job themselves or even applying for food stamps.

Oh yeah, you're def getting played when they say things like that, and his wife is enabling him. I think you absolutely made a wise choice. I'll also say a blessing for him, that he'll hopefully wisen up soon.

 

[RobinN]

Welcome Bray,
Hard to watch, let alone be a part of. Especially when there is a grandchild a part of the equation. Tough love is definitely needed. Give love, but nothing more.
All my best.

 

[skillefer]

Hi Bray! Welcome to the forum! All I can say is...you did the right thing. Your son is an addict, and the wife is an enabler. People have to live with the consequenes of their choices. And we all make choices. Every word, every act, every attitude is a choice. It might be hard to step back now...but honestly, you have another child that needs you..as well as you just taking care of you. Be strong. Because the next step will be for him to try laying a guilt trip on you.

 

[BuckeyeFan]

I am third

The book I Am Third about Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers stresses the point that God is First, Others are Second, and I Am Third. This is one of many good philosophies to help guide you through life.

However, it does contradict the old EMT adage that if we didn't protect ourselves first, we could not help those we were trying to rescue.

From what I have read here, you need to make sure that you bump yourself ahead of your older son to second. If you don't focus on yourself in your time of need, you won't be able to help your younger son or grandchild who really deserve to be in second.

I also agree with Bernard about the tough love.

 

[alivenwell]

That's a really heavy load to bear. Is it possible for you to keep your grandchild at your home until they straighten all of this out? My parents traveled on vacation with my kid. I provided them with a notarized letter listing all my kid's physicians, his dentist, orthodontist, etc. and all phone numbers where I was available. And, any health insurance policy ids/group numbers were also listed just in case there was a medical emergency. I'd be concerned about your grand kid's health. You'd be taking action to help bring up their kid in a positive environment. Your son may see a difference. His wife will miss that kid hopefully and get after him to straighten out his life.
I think the letter was written by an attorney basically granting my parents permission to utilize authority during an emergency for my kid. I honestly don't recall all the wording, but it was a comfort knowing my kid would get necessary care.

 

[tinasmom]

I know what "tough love" is. I had to ask my youngest daughter to leave our home at the age of 17. She was using drugs, stealing money, broke into our bedroom and stole jewelry, kept running away, etc. It took 3 people telling me the parable of the prodigal son before I realized that God was telling me to let her go. After 1 month, I asked her if she was ready to come home and follow the rules. Of course she was not. She finally came home right before her 19th birthday and then was arrested at my house for selling drugs to an undercover cop months before. During the time that she was gone, my oldest daughter died from SUDEP. My sister even told my youngest that I was always afraid that some day the cops would be at my door to tell me that she was dead. She finally has got her self on the right track and is doing well now.

Have you contacted child protective services regarding your grandson? You might have to do this just to make sure that he is always safe. My prayers are with you and I know that God will direct you in the right direction.

 

[Bray]

Yes I have called DHR, they never went there. I called 3 times more to check on things and they just seemed to be getting annoyed and said we will call you if we need anything.. While talking to them I even told them that the wife went to walmart sat outside with a sign that read "need money for child's electricity"still nothing.

Can you believe that neither one of them will not provide even food stamps for their child but will sit in front of walmart begging for money in a tiny town that has nothing but a walmart.
Calling DHR was the hardest thing I ever had to do..,not sure what else is left .
I assume they think if the mom has no drug problems she will eventually do the right thing for the child.I don't agree.I'm thinking more on the side of making another annoying call.
Bray

 

[mamaruns]

Can you believe that neither one of them will not provide even food stamps for their child but will sit in front of walmart begging for money in a tiny town that has nothing but a walmart.

That's no way to raise a child.

Has DHR even gone to their house for a visit? If they go there and see no food or very little food in the house, they might take the baby. It's just getting them to make the visit.

 

[Bernard]

I was thinking that it sounds like they could lose the child if Child Protective Services (CPS) ever got a hold of them.

 

[angel]

Hi Bray,

Ive had to use "tough love" on my 17 year old. he will be 18 in April. he was using drugs being around him was like walking on egg shells sometimes because no one wanted to set him off. I told him that if he ever threatened anyone in the house id call the police. well, he tested me to see how far he could go . he went after my husband with a knife so i called the police which was the hardest thing for me to do... I have two other younger teens at home to care for who were not home at the time. if my son wants to go to counseling treatment and anger management get his ged and make an effort ill let him come home... as for right now hes still mad at me off and on... one week he loves me and the next hes mad because i called the police... OH well, he will get over it he knows i love him.... im not going to put up with the crap... more so if hes unwilling to make a move to help himself....

stay strong

Love,
angel

 

[tripstorm]

hello...

Is there a connection between crack and TLE?

 

[angel]

Is there a connection between crack and TLE?

Im not sure tripstorm,

I would think it could cause someone to have a seizure. or if you have epilepsy make it worse.. you could ask a doctor or neuro....

Love,
angel

 

[RobinN]

Is there a connection between crack and TLE?

I believe there is a strong connection.

 

[brain]

:hello: Bray

Welcome to CWE! Sorry I'm late to
welcome you here; had been having
seizures myself, but yes - there's
been documentations of correlations
between illegal drugs and epilepsy,
both positive and negative effects.

But I too am a firm believer of Tough
Love and you did the right thing and
I can see you've got lots of "Pats on
your backs" from the folks here for
what you've done! I laud you for this!

Hang in there, when the going gets
tough, the tough get going! There's
lots of support here too!

 

[epileric]

Im not sure tripstorm,

I would think it could cause someone to have a seizure. or if you have epilepsy make it worse.. you could ask a doctor or neuro....

Love,
angel

A long time ago when I had long hair my neuro asked if I was doing coke. I was offended to be judged like that but he did say that it was the worst drug as far as seizures were concerned because it can worsen them or cause them in people without E.

I also read that the Tegretol (Carbamazpine) I'm on was used to suppress the craving for cocaine so I'd assume it works on the same part of the brain.