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Hi there, I just joined and wanted to introduce myself.
I'll try to make this brief:
For the last 17 years I've had these strange episodes (began when I was 15, I'm now 32). For a very long time they were always the same: I'd suddenly be hit by an absolutely horrible sense of dread. I'd start "hearing" this sound... like a humming sound, and all background noise would become muffled, like I was hearing it from underwater. I'd lose the ability to move, and I'd lose the ability to speak. When I was a teenager, I never mentioned it to my parents for fear that they would just think I was crazy, or that I was just trying to get attention (like they did when I first started feeling depressed, but that's another story altogether). The somewhat embarrassing thing is, for awhile there I thought it was something supernatural and that my parents house was haunted. Until I moved out when I was 18, and it kept happening.
Over the past several months these have become more frequent... and they're changing. In addition to the above mentioned symptoms/sensations, prior to the humming sound, I'll hear a loud electrical arcing sound, and lights in the room appear to dim and brighten repeatedly until the episode is over. The other day my SO finally witnessed one of these episodes... I think I managed to give him a pretty good scare, I've told him about these before, but he'd never actually seen it happen. He told me afterward that he could tell I was trying really hard to speak, but all that came out was a whimper. He also said my arm started making that motion like when you're doing bicep curls, except I'd had my arm above me, forearm rested on the top of my head (if that makes sense? We'd been lying in bed talking, trying to decide what to do that day). I still felt like I couldn't move, I didn't notice the thing with my arm.
It used to be that I'd have these multiple times for a few weeks, then they'd stop for a few months; rinse repeat. Now they're happening pretty much every day (sometimes multiple times per day) for several weeks, stop for a week or two, then come back.
When I've described them to people, some have suggested they sound like seizures (including a couple people who do have epilepsy).
Thing is- since 2007 I've been on lamotrigine for bipolar disorder as a mood-stabilizer (now up to 400 mg per day)... I know that this medication was originally FDA approved for epilepsy, so if these are in fact seizures, why would I still be having them while on a epilepsy medication?
Another problem: I do not have health insurance, and really can't afford to see a doctor, let alone a specialist nor get any necessary tests that could be needed. Apparently I'm also not broke enough to be eligible for medicaid. I'm only fortunate enough that my state has a discounted prescription drug plan, so my lamotrigine is only a little less than $12/month. I have to pay out of pocket whenever I see my mental health nurse practitioner, and I'm fortunate enough that she works on a sliding-scale. Makes me really wish I'd seen someone about these a long time ago when I actually did have insurance, but since they weren't as frequent back then, I brushed them off.
I'm not really sure what to do in the mean-time. I've been trying to identify what may be triggering these episodes... ones I've noticed so far: fragmented sleep (so I've been avoiding naps), poor quality sleep, lack of sleep, BOREDOM (weird, right?). There are probably more, but I'm still trying to figure those out.
Has anyone been in this situation where you know something is wrong (whether this could be seizures or something else), but simply couldn't afford to see a doctor about it? It's a waiting game for me right now. I work as a temp and there's a chance I can get hired on- in a year. So... I may "only" have a year until I get health insurance through work. Until then... no idea what to do.
Guess that wasn't exactly brief. But... anyway. Hi.
I'll try to make this brief:
For the last 17 years I've had these strange episodes (began when I was 15, I'm now 32). For a very long time they were always the same: I'd suddenly be hit by an absolutely horrible sense of dread. I'd start "hearing" this sound... like a humming sound, and all background noise would become muffled, like I was hearing it from underwater. I'd lose the ability to move, and I'd lose the ability to speak. When I was a teenager, I never mentioned it to my parents for fear that they would just think I was crazy, or that I was just trying to get attention (like they did when I first started feeling depressed, but that's another story altogether). The somewhat embarrassing thing is, for awhile there I thought it was something supernatural and that my parents house was haunted. Until I moved out when I was 18, and it kept happening.
Over the past several months these have become more frequent... and they're changing. In addition to the above mentioned symptoms/sensations, prior to the humming sound, I'll hear a loud electrical arcing sound, and lights in the room appear to dim and brighten repeatedly until the episode is over. The other day my SO finally witnessed one of these episodes... I think I managed to give him a pretty good scare, I've told him about these before, but he'd never actually seen it happen. He told me afterward that he could tell I was trying really hard to speak, but all that came out was a whimper. He also said my arm started making that motion like when you're doing bicep curls, except I'd had my arm above me, forearm rested on the top of my head (if that makes sense? We'd been lying in bed talking, trying to decide what to do that day). I still felt like I couldn't move, I didn't notice the thing with my arm.
It used to be that I'd have these multiple times for a few weeks, then they'd stop for a few months; rinse repeat. Now they're happening pretty much every day (sometimes multiple times per day) for several weeks, stop for a week or two, then come back.
When I've described them to people, some have suggested they sound like seizures (including a couple people who do have epilepsy).
Thing is- since 2007 I've been on lamotrigine for bipolar disorder as a mood-stabilizer (now up to 400 mg per day)... I know that this medication was originally FDA approved for epilepsy, so if these are in fact seizures, why would I still be having them while on a epilepsy medication?
Another problem: I do not have health insurance, and really can't afford to see a doctor, let alone a specialist nor get any necessary tests that could be needed. Apparently I'm also not broke enough to be eligible for medicaid. I'm only fortunate enough that my state has a discounted prescription drug plan, so my lamotrigine is only a little less than $12/month. I have to pay out of pocket whenever I see my mental health nurse practitioner, and I'm fortunate enough that she works on a sliding-scale. Makes me really wish I'd seen someone about these a long time ago when I actually did have insurance, but since they weren't as frequent back then, I brushed them off.
I'm not really sure what to do in the mean-time. I've been trying to identify what may be triggering these episodes... ones I've noticed so far: fragmented sleep (so I've been avoiding naps), poor quality sleep, lack of sleep, BOREDOM (weird, right?). There are probably more, but I'm still trying to figure those out.
Has anyone been in this situation where you know something is wrong (whether this could be seizures or something else), but simply couldn't afford to see a doctor about it? It's a waiting game for me right now. I work as a temp and there's a chance I can get hired on- in a year. So... I may "only" have a year until I get health insurance through work. Until then... no idea what to do.
Guess that wasn't exactly brief. But... anyway. Hi.
lol.