sideeeways
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Hi guys, allow me to introduce myself. I am 36 year old Male living in Singapore. Ive been feeling "weird" ever since I was a kid until recently... well heres the story, hopefully someone can tell me what i have. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
When I was little, say..about 4 or 5, I remember always falling backwards and hitting the back of my head. Although most times, Id just get up and continue playing or doing whatever I was doing, there was once where I remember waking up on a bed, a doc and a nurse standing next to me, with little wires stuck all over my head. The part where the wires connect to my head felt really cold. I wanted to get out of there so I was struggling a bit but the doctor said, if i let them do what they had to, Id become Spiderman when I grow up, so I let them continue their work.
I believe soon after that, i started getting "weird episodes". My mom said I have Fits but refused to talk about it. I remember clearly, there were a few occasions where Id be doing something like walking or running and then Id just suddenly get "attacked". Such an attack would leave me starring blankly into air, and according to my aunts and mom, id not respond to their calling, Id just stand there motionless, eyes open, fingers moving a little. I think once or twice I even peed in my pants. I remember when i was in the "zone" or when im in the midst of having one of these episodes, I can hear people calling me, or can hear things going on around me. I cannot however, respond or remember what I see. When I recover, it feels like i was in a dream or a third dimension.
These episodes stayed with me till when I became a young adult. I remember I was driving once coming to a halt at the red lights. I could feel myself getting "attacked". I tried to quickly pull over but it was too late. I remember stepping on the brakes and that was it. When I woke up, I was handing my license over to this guy whose car was in front of me. I realize I had hit him lightly but I do not remember any of that happening. Weird thing is that I could hand him my license and speak to him even tho I was zoned out.
As I mentioned before, as a young adult, I can tell and will know when I am about to get attacked. Usually I am more prone to getting attacked after over training or over exercising, or if I had very little sleep the night before. Moments before the episode, I will get a very strange strange strange feeling. Its like the feeling of Dejavu multiplied by 1000 and I cannot focus on one point for too long. Id have to quickly look around. I started timing these episodes. Id get them sometimes once in 3 months, or maybe even 6 months. One of these episodes lasts about 1 to 2 minutes before I regain consciousness. After regaining consciousness, I feel very very disorientated and tired. There was once when I was only 5mins away from home when I got attacked. After regaining consciousness I couldn't find my way home till half hour later.
I saw a doc and was referred to a brain specialist. They made me lie on a bed with white flickering light above my eyes. I laid there for a good 15 to 30 minutes I think, and over a few sessions but nothing. Doc said I was perfectly normal.
2 Years ago, I stopped getting these episodes. However a new feeling started happening. I remember this particular day, Id get symptoms similar to those old episodes, like dejavu etc and then i get "HIT". But this time, I can actually see myself getting hit and entering that third dimension. The whole process would last only a split second. It feels like a small electric shock and I get in and out of the zone very quickly. Weird thing is, there's this distinct smell that i remember clearly. Its a stench that makes my hair stand. Throughout that day, I believe I went through it this 25 times. It felt REALLY REALLY WEIRD cos I have never had such a feeling before. The stench, the hair standing, the electric shock was all new to me. I would also feel VERY VERY sleepy after each shock. It went away after that day but came back every few weeks. Each time it came back, Id get 2 or 3 episodes a day. Recently its seasonal. For example I was free from it for the last 2 months. Today, I got hit 6 times. Its really not a good feeling after getting hit. Imagine the feeling of (you know there's something you have to do, but u cant remember what) multiplied by 1000. Or the feeling of (you did something really really wrong and bad) multiplied by 1000. Another feeling I experience is the same depressing kind of feeling when something bad has happened to something or someone close to you. It feels like someone close to me has died and id just go on feeling this way for the rest of the day or week.I cannot really describe exactly what i feel so above is to the best of my descriptive talent which i am not even sure if anyone can understand what i am typing or describing. I sincerely apologize for the long post but hopefully someone can shed some light to what I have. I truly appreciate any comments and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
When I was little, say..about 4 or 5, I remember always falling backwards and hitting the back of my head. Although most times, Id just get up and continue playing or doing whatever I was doing, there was once where I remember waking up on a bed, a doc and a nurse standing next to me, with little wires stuck all over my head. The part where the wires connect to my head felt really cold. I wanted to get out of there so I was struggling a bit but the doctor said, if i let them do what they had to, Id become Spiderman when I grow up, so I let them continue their work.
I believe soon after that, i started getting "weird episodes". My mom said I have Fits but refused to talk about it. I remember clearly, there were a few occasions where Id be doing something like walking or running and then Id just suddenly get "attacked". Such an attack would leave me starring blankly into air, and according to my aunts and mom, id not respond to their calling, Id just stand there motionless, eyes open, fingers moving a little. I think once or twice I even peed in my pants. I remember when i was in the "zone" or when im in the midst of having one of these episodes, I can hear people calling me, or can hear things going on around me. I cannot however, respond or remember what I see. When I recover, it feels like i was in a dream or a third dimension.
These episodes stayed with me till when I became a young adult. I remember I was driving once coming to a halt at the red lights. I could feel myself getting "attacked". I tried to quickly pull over but it was too late. I remember stepping on the brakes and that was it. When I woke up, I was handing my license over to this guy whose car was in front of me. I realize I had hit him lightly but I do not remember any of that happening. Weird thing is that I could hand him my license and speak to him even tho I was zoned out.
As I mentioned before, as a young adult, I can tell and will know when I am about to get attacked. Usually I am more prone to getting attacked after over training or over exercising, or if I had very little sleep the night before. Moments before the episode, I will get a very strange strange strange feeling. Its like the feeling of Dejavu multiplied by 1000 and I cannot focus on one point for too long. Id have to quickly look around. I started timing these episodes. Id get them sometimes once in 3 months, or maybe even 6 months. One of these episodes lasts about 1 to 2 minutes before I regain consciousness. After regaining consciousness, I feel very very disorientated and tired. There was once when I was only 5mins away from home when I got attacked. After regaining consciousness I couldn't find my way home till half hour later.
I saw a doc and was referred to a brain specialist. They made me lie on a bed with white flickering light above my eyes. I laid there for a good 15 to 30 minutes I think, and over a few sessions but nothing. Doc said I was perfectly normal.
2 Years ago, I stopped getting these episodes. However a new feeling started happening. I remember this particular day, Id get symptoms similar to those old episodes, like dejavu etc and then i get "HIT". But this time, I can actually see myself getting hit and entering that third dimension. The whole process would last only a split second. It feels like a small electric shock and I get in and out of the zone very quickly. Weird thing is, there's this distinct smell that i remember clearly. Its a stench that makes my hair stand. Throughout that day, I believe I went through it this 25 times. It felt REALLY REALLY WEIRD cos I have never had such a feeling before. The stench, the hair standing, the electric shock was all new to me. I would also feel VERY VERY sleepy after each shock. It went away after that day but came back every few weeks. Each time it came back, Id get 2 or 3 episodes a day. Recently its seasonal. For example I was free from it for the last 2 months. Today, I got hit 6 times. Its really not a good feeling after getting hit. Imagine the feeling of (you know there's something you have to do, but u cant remember what) multiplied by 1000. Or the feeling of (you did something really really wrong and bad) multiplied by 1000. Another feeling I experience is the same depressing kind of feeling when something bad has happened to something or someone close to you. It feels like someone close to me has died and id just go on feeling this way for the rest of the day or week.I cannot really describe exactly what i feel so above is to the best of my descriptive talent which i am not even sure if anyone can understand what i am typing or describing. I sincerely apologize for the long post but hopefully someone can shed some light to what I have. I truly appreciate any comments and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
