Ignorance is Bliss

[KaySara]

I am finding my way. I dont know my way around the Forum, I lost it for a couple of years but that is because of my loss of memory. I hope I keep it now, it seems to be much supportive. I would luv to change my name to a nickname eg KaySara but I dont know how..... This week is my 'weep week', I cannot explain my feelings or I will breakdown and cry and I dont want to, not at the moment. I was 45yrs old when I had my first grand mal, 18yrs ago, no, I still havnt adjusted. I dont like not driving, for so long I pretended it was real, that I am in perfect health but I have to admit I dont drive, I had to give up my Friday nights in the local with my husband and friends, no more alcohol, no, not even a gls of wine. My memory is very very bad. Yes, my family find it frustrating having to keep telling me over and over, you have been here before, you have met this person, yes, yes, yes, and I have no recollection whatsoever. Oh, there's the tears. I'll talk again later. I've made it so far. :clap:

 

[Cint]

Sorry you are having such a rough time. Having E is difficult to deal with as is the memory loss and all that goes along with it. I went thru the some of the same issues after my brain surgery and my husband at the time wasn't very supportive at all. I wrote a poem with the title "Ignorance Is Bliss".

If ignorance is Bliss,
Why do so many choose to miss,
Ignore or disregard learning,
When many in the world are yearning?

Yearning for a cure to our affliction,
Not a drug or alcohol addiction.
A condition you can't always see,
When you do, we may 'look' crazy.

We may stare and chew, or fall and quake,
It's a seizure and our life could be at stake.
Only when the correct knowledge is in place,
Then we know we will be safe.

So don't ignore us today,
When today may never be a yesterday.
No on can know it all,
Ignorance is Bliss, so they say.

 

[KaySara]

I feel that my family dont understand the illness. They rarely see me have a seizure. My husband does, but not the children. They do experience my mood swings, my children wonder where the mother they knew when grewing up went, my daughter has only recently asked how does her dad live with me...I get so depresed, We have recently emigrated from our home to a foreign home and when I say I want to go home, am going home he tells me to go. But recently I have opened up, explained my feelings to him and the children and said I do not feel well, and told them my inner feelings and they are trying to understand and said I am not a burden and I must believe them....But suicidal, I have often felt like that and hope it never reaches that. I dont want anything like that, I want to be positive, a life.

 

[Cint]

Have you told your dr. about your mood swings? Often times, AEDs can worsen depression, so you need to tell your dr. how you are feeling, especially if you are suicidal. Plus, the whole family is effected by E and the effects of it and the meds, so they need to be educated as well.

I have two now grown children, but when they were growing up, they witnessed many CP and some TC seizures. I also suffered from severe depression and was suicidal at times, so they saw a side of me that I wish they would never have seen. But as my son now says,"It is what it is."

Hang in there and find a therapist. Tell your dr. how you are feeling.

 

[bridge]

I am so sorry to hear. It is difficult, especially when it seems that nobody understands! Please, if you are feeling suicidal, talk to someone. Your husband doctor, it may be your medication. I am usually a happy person, I had a seizure almost a year ago, just before getting married. I was put on Keppra, and I changed into a sad depressed unhappy person. I felt like my new husband hated me and I seriously just wished I would fall asleep and never wake up. Sadly I was thinking that if I were gone that everyone else would be happy. NO, way wrong. It was my medication. It turned me into somebody that I am not and it broke my husbands heart. We finally got me off of this medication and I started feeling better almost immediately.
I understand, plenty of us understand. Having your memory just not there anymore is difficult. I have only been having this for the past year, yet I seem to be forgetting things that happened before this. I don't understand. I have forgotten places we have been, people I have met. It sucks, yes I know. But you know what, its just something I am learning to deal with. I do think my husband gets a little annoyed about it, since he will tell me, I just told you, Lol, he is slowly starting to understand that my memory is shot to hell..
Things will work out. It is difficult and lots of people don't get it, but you have people who love you and want the best for you Please if you have these thoughts talk with someone and see if you can get your medication switched or minimize or something... Best of luck and this forum, we are all here for you!!! xoxoxo

 

[KaySara]

Thank you for your positive support. I am very happy this week and now I am heading off to my yoga class which always make me feel good. I am taking special note of my diet, checking if it sets off seizures or mood swings. I'm feeling good, all is right with the world.