Hello!
I'm new to this site, as well as to Epilepsy. Since my first seizure in 2011, I've never been able to call myself an "epileptic" until just a few months ago. Since the doctors never figured out the cause, I've been in denial!
Anyway, before even coming to terms with this, I realized that I feel so alone and really ashamed. My first seizure experience was so traumatic -- i was at work eating a frozen lunch in my office and apparently I keeled over. I don't know if it was the Marie Calendars or not haha, but my coworker called 911 and the rest is history. I feel so embarrassed since I guess (I lost my urine, or something), and I threw up all the lunch on the wall or something terrible like that
The ambulance and fire dept came and the whole office was around, not to mention our office building is very big. So much drama...Since then, I've had about 15 seizures I think (all tonic clonic, so what they tell me...). I had to quit that job and even though they want me to come back and visit, I will never be able to set foot in that office again.
I know I shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed, and I guess I was lucky this happened when people were around to help...but I can't help feeling so embarrassed. I am always worried in the back of my mind that this will happen again in public, or in front of people I know...I don't even like telling people about my condition and usually don't...I guess I just think people will think I'm weak and always asking me about my health, etc...It just feels weird. I remember as a kid, I saw a movie about a kid with epilepsy and I felt so scared watching the movie, and now that "kid" is me.
To make a long story short, I guess it's been really helpful to peruse the forums and realize that I'm not the only one in this. No one else I know could understand...I finally decided to join so I could contribute to the conversation...and hopefully find a few kindred spirits in this.
From reading others' posts, I consider myself very lucky...my seizures are mostly controlled, but I get the occasional scary aura every now and then...once I think I'm living life normally, another one of those comes up and snaps me back to reality...
Sorry for the long post! Since I'm new here, thought I'd get it all out in the open first off
I'm new to this site, as well as to Epilepsy. Since my first seizure in 2011, I've never been able to call myself an "epileptic" until just a few months ago. Since the doctors never figured out the cause, I've been in denial!
Anyway, before even coming to terms with this, I realized that I feel so alone and really ashamed. My first seizure experience was so traumatic -- i was at work eating a frozen lunch in my office and apparently I keeled over. I don't know if it was the Marie Calendars or not haha, but my coworker called 911 and the rest is history. I feel so embarrassed since I guess (I lost my urine, or something), and I threw up all the lunch on the wall or something terrible like that
The ambulance and fire dept came and the whole office was around, not to mention our office building is very big. So much drama...Since then, I've had about 15 seizures I think (all tonic clonic, so what they tell me...). I had to quit that job and even though they want me to come back and visit, I will never be able to set foot in that office again.I know I shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed, and I guess I was lucky this happened when people were around to help...but I can't help feeling so embarrassed. I am always worried in the back of my mind that this will happen again in public, or in front of people I know...I don't even like telling people about my condition and usually don't...I guess I just think people will think I'm weak and always asking me about my health, etc...It just feels weird. I remember as a kid, I saw a movie about a kid with epilepsy and I felt so scared watching the movie, and now that "kid" is me.
To make a long story short, I guess it's been really helpful to peruse the forums and realize that I'm not the only one in this. No one else I know could understand...I finally decided to join so I could contribute to the conversation...and hopefully find a few kindred spirits in this.
From reading others' posts, I consider myself very lucky...my seizures are mostly controlled, but I get the occasional scary aura every now and then...once I think I'm living life normally, another one of those comes up and snaps me back to reality...
Sorry for the long post! Since I'm new here, thought I'd get it all out in the open first off
