crashbang
New
- Messages
- 4
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
I think I just need to get this out.
I am not one to feel lonely. I have always felt fine on my own, have plenty to do to keep me occupied, and my mind is a vast ocean of thoughts.
However one area I feel very lonely..the only area is my sensory/sleep disorders/possible epilepsy.
Quick run down:
-Had Aura's and what I think were two different kinds of epilepsy as a kid.
Stopped around the age of 20.
-can lucid dream
-sleep paralysis
-anxiety
-add
-one drop seizure as an infant
More importantly, and please do not take this as being conceeded. I just feel special. Like I live on a different plane of existance than others.
I feel aware. I do not mean aware because of aura's (or perhaps that's it).
I just feel aware of vibrations people give off, when the atmosphere of a room has changed, ect. I feel emotions very strongly and often wonder why others seem so detached..from themselves and theirs environments.
I started taking wellbutrin last year..now i cannot attribute it directly to the drug, but two months later I had what I think was a temporal lobe seizure. I had not had one since the age of 20ish and 10 years later I have another.
A few weeks later I go into a heightened state and become super creative. Drawing, music, writing..you name it. I felt super high, euphoric..
It has since simmered down. I know this sounds like mania. But I do not feel it is. My psych Dr. agrees and thinks I should get to a neurologist (stupid hoops we have to jump through to get adequate healthcare is ridiculous)
I guess the point of my little story/rant is I wish there was another person who was physically here..not in cyber space to befriend. To share my weird experiences, and I have had many (phantom sounds, sensitivity to sound frequencies, tmj causing dizziness)
Lastly..having sleep paralysis has been annoying but something I could deal with. Until recently. This last episode was downright scary. I do not typically feel the "presence" a lot of people describe. But this time I did.
Felt Like I was being pulled off my bed, heard footsteps, felt something in my room. Couldn't move, like I was stuck in a repeditive dream..however all the time self aware and awake. It was not a ghost however.. I knew it wasn't real..except the footsteps sounded real.I wonder if this episode was a seizure..as my previous ones involved my room walls moving in and out on me, time being off..shrinking into bed feeling and trance state.
the bed sliding feeling..like someone pulling the sheets and you down the bed. Wonder if that can be attributed to seizure activity.
Maybe this re-occurance is all stress induced recently..taking klonopins.
bah..where are you other super special weirdo like me : )
please find me promptly.
I am not one to feel lonely. I have always felt fine on my own, have plenty to do to keep me occupied, and my mind is a vast ocean of thoughts.
However one area I feel very lonely..the only area is my sensory/sleep disorders/possible epilepsy.
Quick run down:
-Had Aura's and what I think were two different kinds of epilepsy as a kid.
Stopped around the age of 20.
-can lucid dream
-sleep paralysis
-anxiety
-add
-one drop seizure as an infant
More importantly, and please do not take this as being conceeded. I just feel special. Like I live on a different plane of existance than others.
I feel aware. I do not mean aware because of aura's (or perhaps that's it).
I just feel aware of vibrations people give off, when the atmosphere of a room has changed, ect. I feel emotions very strongly and often wonder why others seem so detached..from themselves and theirs environments.
I started taking wellbutrin last year..now i cannot attribute it directly to the drug, but two months later I had what I think was a temporal lobe seizure. I had not had one since the age of 20ish and 10 years later I have another.
A few weeks later I go into a heightened state and become super creative. Drawing, music, writing..you name it. I felt super high, euphoric..
It has since simmered down. I know this sounds like mania. But I do not feel it is. My psych Dr. agrees and thinks I should get to a neurologist (stupid hoops we have to jump through to get adequate healthcare is ridiculous)
I guess the point of my little story/rant is I wish there was another person who was physically here..not in cyber space to befriend. To share my weird experiences, and I have had many (phantom sounds, sensitivity to sound frequencies, tmj causing dizziness)
Lastly..having sleep paralysis has been annoying but something I could deal with. Until recently. This last episode was downright scary. I do not typically feel the "presence" a lot of people describe. But this time I did.
Felt Like I was being pulled off my bed, heard footsteps, felt something in my room. Couldn't move, like I was stuck in a repeditive dream..however all the time self aware and awake. It was not a ghost however.. I knew it wasn't real..except the footsteps sounded real.I wonder if this episode was a seizure..as my previous ones involved my room walls moving in and out on me, time being off..shrinking into bed feeling and trance state.
the bed sliding feeling..like someone pulling the sheets and you down the bed. Wonder if that can be attributed to seizure activity.
Maybe this re-occurance is all stress induced recently..taking klonopins.
bah..where are you other super special weirdo like me : )
please find me promptly.