Lonely

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J

Jeanbean

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Feeling very isolated and lonely. I don't drive and I've been on disability since last year and only work two days a week. I'm not married, never have been, do not have any children and not even a pet. I live with my parents due to money. My seizures have been under control since last year. I usually have one tonic clonic a year or so since 1974. Since my 2nd new VNS implant (this April) I have noticed a difference in fewer seizures. So all of that is great but I feel so alone.

I did do a bible study group this summer of 6 weeks and that was enjoyable and I am signed up for another in October. I think it's the daily in and out of being alone. I tried walking the other day and have bad arthritis in my knee I couldn't do that. I find myself watching t.v. reading and spending some time playing computer games and surfing the net. I think I feel so different from others that I don't try very hard to interact. It's the same questions: where does your husband work how old are your children where do you live and work. I feel shame, bottom line of not fitting in. I am very blessed and could have a horrible life but I feel someone on this site might understand. Thanks for listening!! Jeanne
 
Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but those who feel they have some thing(s) about them that make them different probably feel this way more often. Often this is related to lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem. One way you can help yourself in this respect is to do things you are good at or that interest you. It's great you've signed up for a couple of church groups that will allow you to engage socially, but perhaps this isn't the "right crowd" if you feel all they ask is about your husband and children. You might want to consider adding to your social world by expanding on your other interests (art, handicrafts, theater, fitness, etc.) or volunteering. Being involved in things that interest you make it far easier to interact and form a social network and close friendships.
 
Hey Jeanbean!

Please don't feel shame! I'm also childless, pet-free, and unmarried (and sending a solitary wave in your direction...). We are special breed. :)

Along with what mj suggests above, here are a few ideas:

1. You mention that you work two days a week. Are your colleagues friendly? If you have things in common (and even if you don't) getting together outside of work once a month for lunch could be a nice way to get to know them better.

2. Even though I am pet-less, I am pro-pet. They can be good for us humans in so many ways. Are your parents open to you having a cat? Cats are usually low-maintenance (no walks required) and provide excellent companionship. If having a pet is problematic, maybe you could volunteer at a local animal shelter -- all the benefits, none of the costs.

3. Are there any local groups that offer day trips? Travel by bus can be inexpensive and traveling with a group is a great way to get to know other people. Plus, a change of scenery is always nice.
 
Thank you Masterjen and Nakamova for your responses. You gave me things to think about and to consider which is helpful!! I think I need to work on self confidence for sure!! It's hard to know how to do that at 56 I've always been this way but I could learn new things. Transportation is an issue but I've used Uber in the past and can do it again. I've always been on the introverted side but once I get to feel more comfortable feel more at ease which makes sense. No pets are allowed!!! My folks are in their 80's and like their house like they want it. Thanks for the support! Jeanne
 
Well, my wife is married, we have kids and even so, she is still going through a lot of the same things you are experiencing. I'm still trying to find some solutions for her, but there are no easy answers.
 
I'm 40 and my husband is 53. He works night shift and sleeps during the day so I really don't get to see each other much. My parents live next door but they both work. I do visit them often if they are home. I don't have any children but I do have two cats.

I live out in the country and I can't drive and there is no public transportation. So if I need to get somewhere I have to wait on someone to take me.

I had to move back in with my parents when I was first diagnosed with epilepsy because I wasn't able to work, because of all the seizures I was having at the time. All of my friends live about 45 minutes away, close to where I was living, but I don't see them often, they all have jobs and children. One of my friends and I try to get together once a month but it isn't easy.

I was volunteering at a nursing home once and it was a lot of fun. I mostly just went from room to room talking with everyone. They love to talk and tell me stories about when they were younger. Christmas was great! Santa was there and gave them all gifts that I went around helping them open.

I had been going to bingo at a church or fire hall, I can't remember, that was not close by but the friend that I went with has moved away so I don't go any more. If our local fire department or township is having some type of event I try to help out with that if I can.

Would you be able to get a fish tank? I know they aren't cuddling pets but they are fun to watch. There are many different types of fish out there not just gold fish. Betas are pretty easy to take care of because they can be kept in a small tank and don't need a filter. I'm not sure how many you can have in a tank together though so check that if you were to get one.
 
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Never alone in my house with all the pets I have.

I'm working on putting a gaming computer together. I work a lot, so I don't have a ton of time to spend playing games anymore, but what games do you play on PC?
 
Hi, what about your neighbors? Also are there any epilepsy meet up groups there? I recently started to go to one of those.
 
Topcat mentioned meet up groups. There are different types of meet up groups you could join and do fun things with others and maybe make new friends. Volunteering would also be great for you.
 
Jean you got bit of depression I understand that.It nothing to do with other people if you married have kids or heamorids.
When you feeling down it common to feel everyone getting to you try not take it personly as others say go to groups meet ups.i know it easy said but I garente others at the meetings will at some point felt same.If you phone one tell the organisers you shy or finding it hard take that step of going I bet the others there will be told a little and you be welcome.For me it was joining bird watching club
 
Some people join meet ups b/c they have a very busy schedule and/or would like to meet others who are similar. My sister is a teacher and a single-mother and goes to single- parent meet ups sometimes.
 
It don't even have to have anything to do with epilepsy.Often good to step awAy do something different
 
What Can Be Done To End Loneliness?

JeanBean,
Volunteering is a great way to bring some new action into your life and also meet some new people who may become friends!
I do this by volunteering to work with EFMN(Epilepsy Foundation of Minnesota) and it has opened my life up in many different ways.
You would be surprised how many people have questions about living w/E and these people need someone to exist to answer these questions. You have lived w/E for many years, so you have experienced many of the things that people who have just been diagnosed w/E may see in the future. Making yourself available to answer questions like this helps those people and also allows you to see how you have helped someone else and that is a great feeling to experience! :clap:
There are many ways to make yourself feel useful. You just have to put out the effort to find out what may be available to you!

acshuman
 
Thank you all for such great ideas!!!! It takes some planning and today I realized if I get out that I feel anxious when I I think of going somewhere. So in some ways it's easier to stay put and the then nothing changes. I'm going to give a few of these things a try because I want life to be different ��
 
Yay, good for you! (both meanings) :)
 
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