My husband wants a trial separation.

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wonderdogs

wonderdogs

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We are in counseling but have only attended two sessions. He said he would rather be alone because together we are unhappy. He says he doesn't feel like I love him anymore and I feel like nothing I do is good enough for him. He says I can stay in the house with the dogs and he will either stay with a friend or in an extended stay hotel. I am really afraid of what will come of this.
 
Bernie and I went to a counciling workshop called P.A.I.R.S. when we had only been married about a year or two. This workshop taught us how to fight, how to live together and how to love each other. Basically, everyone can learn to live with anyone, it just takes a bit of practice. I have grown to love Bernie even more than the day we married (almost 12 years ago), and we were crazy about each other then. Maby something like this will help. I hope it all works out for the best.
 
HE wants a separation, and then blames it on you, saying he feels like you don't love him enough?? He needs to check it at the door and tell you wht is really going on!!!Wether he stays or gos he's not being honest.
 
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My husband has said this to me and I've even toyed with the idea several times over our 31 year marriage. But we both know, running away from our problems won't fix them.

There is no simple fix, it's all very personal. Getting to the root problem and then learning to deal with those issues takes time. I wish you the best.
 
Dear Wonder,
I'm glad to hear that you and your hubby are getting counseling. Just remember two things...and I give this advice to every couple I work with before I perform their wedding.....1) A successful marriage is never 50/50. It's both people giving everything they are to work together as a team. It's both people giving 100%. If you're only giving 50%, you're holding something back. 2) Love is an active choice. We choose to act and react in loving ways, and with kind words. Everything in life is a choice. We just need to remember our spouses, and not take them for granted.
 
wonderdogs,

True Love Might Require That You Love Him Enough to Let him Go..... I did that with my husband but he keeps coming back!

I know it hurts when you separate with your husband ive been there .... my husband when we were younger used to cheat on me ...... "Bar tender" funny thing is i kicked him out and we separated I learned later from one of my friends that he kept talking about me so much that the girl told him to take a hike hehe ......... they dont seem to realise what they are missing "WHICH IS YOU" sometimes until they are gone for a few..... IF it ever happens again im not taking him back.... that was over 10 years ago... weve been together 14 years....

I fall in and out of love with him all the time I think at least my dad says its normal to go through stuff like that hes been married to my mom forever hes 63 they married when they were 18 years old!

my husband and I are together 24 hours 7 days a week hes self employed..... I want to go to work soon..... i think sometimes its good to get a break from one another.....


Love and HUGS to you

love
angel
 
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skillefer said:
Dear Wonder,
I'm glad to hear that you and your hubby are getting counseling. Just remember two things...and I give this advice to every couple I work with before I perform their wedding.....1) A successful marriage is never 50/50. It's both people giving everything they are to work together as a team. It's both people giving 100%. If you're only giving 50%, you're holding something back. 2) Love is an active choice. We choose to act and react in loving ways, and with kind words. Everything in life is a choice. We just need to remember our spouses, and not take them for granted.
Click to expand...

:agree::ponder:
 
Counseling is definitely a good thing to work out differences. A neutral perspective is usually a fresh one. This sounds like he's sitting on the fence, looking for a way out, but not quite ready to go away. He's holding some information back. Or, you're probably the only stable, secure person in his entire life.

I know somebody who's in a very similar situation as you. She turned her life around by going out and meeting other people. This did a lot for her self esteem to the point that her husband takes a new view of her. She simply became more active, more involved with activities outside her home, and more involved with staying healthy with stress management techniques.

With the high level of stress you're probably experiencing, it might be a good idea to find a way to relax, or, if possible, exercise to the point of getting rid of the adrenaline.

Take good care of yourself. Don't neglect your health or priorities. It's so easy to think of others before yourself.
 
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This is my 25th year... it ain't easy.
Take a breath, sometimes clarity helps you seek the right path.
 
Wishing you the best no matter which path you both choose.
 
Kendra,

just listen to your heart.... you know your husband better than anyone..... none of us can really give you advice because we dont know your husband.... we can just listen and give you support.....

how are you doing?

love
angel
 
Thank you all for your words of advice and support. I am hanging in there. My husband and I are not arguing, thankfully, but our relationship feels strained and empty. It is especially hard because we have been through so much together, job lay-offs, financial struggles, car accidents, illness, etc., but it is hard to face the fact that we can't work through the turbulence in our own relationship.

I went back to a regular exercise schedule about a week ago. I go to the gym about 4 days a week. I have a couple of friends that meet me there.

There is one friend, my neighbor, that my husband does not particularly like me hanging out with and I don't know why. He interprets me hanging out with HER as NOT wanting to hang out with HIM, even though I might visit with her 1-2 times a week and have a glass of wine, the REST of my time, when we are not at work, is with HIM. I just think we are missing "QUALITY TIME" but we don't know what is lacking.
 
I really just want chocolate cake, with chocolate frosting, and chocolate ice cream.
 
I think RobinN would say you need magnesium rather than the chocolate. I'm eating a really good stick of Hershey's dark chocolate (a mere 60 calories). I'm getting those flavenoids.
Hmmm....Wonder if your neighbor saw something you haven't heard about, yet. I'm a skeptic. Or, maybe he doesn't like the wine drinking? He's probably jealous. I suppose only he knows the answer to that one.
 
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I also wish you the best.
I know from experiece it can be very rough going through this. With my first husband it wasn't 50/50 It was 100/0 from me and that does not work at all, I ended up leaving him and we attempted reconsilation (sp) 3 times we are divorced. He had things more important in his life to work on our marriage.
I sure hope and pray that things work out for you.
Tammy
 
Sorry my first reply was probably a bit jaded, my husband said he wanted a trial separation and the left andtook everything leaving me with ababy to take care of and no job at the time because he was one of those "the man goes to work, the woman stays home and takes care of the baby". All I was trying to say is that don't let him blame this all on you, he has to look at why he's feeling like that, and marriage is hard it takes a lot of work. He can't just go to counseling twice and say I tried, then run away.Sorry If I sounded like a Bitch the firt time I wrote, sometime my experiences get in the way.
 
Hmmmm....ok..this is just a suggestion....try telling him "thank you" for all the things he does or has done that you really appreciated and never said thank you for. Sometimes, we forget to tell the people we love thank you for all the little things they do. And it is so easy for people to feel taken for granted. Sometimes, all they need is to know that the little things they do, like making the bed or cooking a dinner or putting something away is noticed and appreciated. I told my hubby thank you for always being so calm when I have a seizure..for taking such good care of me and his mom and sisters, for taking the time to cook for me so that I have a hot meal waiting for me when I come home....all of these things he does to make my life a little easier, and I really appreciate it. He got this strange look on his face, and then blushed, and hugged me. Give it a try.
 
alivenwell said:
I think RobinN would say you need magnesium rather than the chocolate. I'm eating a really good stick of Hershey's dark chocolate (a mere 60 calories). I'm getting those flavenoids.
Click to expand...
:rock: no just as a chaser... or better yet, add it to a chocolate milk shake.
 
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