I find being able to share my feelings of anxiety with someone helps (not my daughter obviously), as does trying to rationalise your fears a bit: what exactly are you anxious about, how likely is that thing likely to happen?
JaneC, I most certainly understand what you are going through. We were fortunate that when my son attended university, he did so at an institution where both my husband and I worked. There was one time when he had a seizure during lecture and the authorities were able to reach me at my office and I could accompany him in the ambulance to the hospital. Were he in a place that would have been far from home, I would have worried just like you I'm sure.
Still, over time, I have become a bit more fatalistic with regard to life. Things will happen over which we have no control whatsoever. All that one can do, I think, is to try to minimize as much as possible the risks, and at the end of the day, it is up to each one to decide what risks one is prepared to assume. If I am anxious about the risks that my son is assuming by leaving to be on his own, it is *my* problem and I have to deal with it and not make him feel guilty or bad about the choices he makes. In that sense, I think you are doing the right thing about keeping your anxieties to yourself and not burden your daughter with them.
On the other hand, our kids do know that we worry, which I think may be yet another source of stress for them. Hence the need for us to work through our fears and anxieties with them in an honest manner. For example, we can have a discussion over the various strategies available to us for minimizing risks. I know that's what I intend to do with my son. I have found out that the company that provides home security in the building where he will be living also offers a monitoring service for "independent living". If my son agrees - and I am hoping that he does, we will take up that service. If he is in need of help or if he has a fall, someone will contact us. But it will be up to him to decide whether or not he would like to have that safety net.
He will not be living far from us though. Such will not be the case with your daughter I gather. Perhaps then you could enquire whether the university where she will be going provides such a service. I know that the university where I worked did have security services that catered to students with health problems. She could also ensure that a couple of her classmates have your phone number in case she needs to reach you but is unable to do so herself. As well, if she agrees, she could touch base with you at the end of each week. That's what our daughter did when she went to study in another city far from us for three years. She did it willingly and we were all quite happy with that arrangement.
I am also anxious about how her flatmates are going to react to the fact she has epilepsy.
As far as this is concerned, I would not worry too much. I have found most people to be very helpful when confronted with situations where another human being is in distress or in need of help. How her flatmates would react would obviously depend on whether they know about the condition. If they do, I'm sure they will be supportive. If not, then they will learn about the existence of such a condition and that is a good thing.
I wish your daughter all the very best in her studies.
