Not sure what part epilepsy is playing in my relationship

[boyfriendofepileptic]

So my boyfriend has epilepsy, I wrote about more of the details in my profile. I mainly just want to know what part of my boyfriend is because of his epilepsy and what part is just him being lazy or just not being the one for me. He seems to be really distant sometimes, whenever we

Spoiler

try to have sex he can't stay hard

We seem to get into these little arguments where either of us whats to talk to the other one. For instance tonight he made dinner and I thought it was ok but I was kinda mad because he overcooked the beef even though i said to put it on low and let it cook for like and hour or so. And when I just told him that he got mad and I asked if he didn't want me to comment on his food, and he said no he didn't want me to and grew quiet and wouldn't listen to me again after that). He doesn't work either and I've been basically supporting us for the past 1.5 years ever since he first moved in. I feel like we should just break up but I'm not sure of how much his epilepsy could be effecting his personality or the way he is acting. Just gonna keep it short, I can provide more details.

 

[Cint]

Sounds like you both need to sit down and talk about these small issues that are bugging both of you before they become big issues. Ask how he really feels about having epilepsy. For a lot of folks, it can bring on depression/anxiety. And more male, it does seem to effect their self-esteem more if they're unable to work because of some disability.

Read here for more info:
http://www.epilepsy.com/learn/impact/moods-and-behavior/mood-and-behavior-advanced

 

[masterjen]

:agree:
If he is a typical male, he may need a fair bit of careful and gentle prodding (over time; not all at once) to really open up about what he is feeling. As Cint mentioned, his self-esteem may be really taking a beating right now and sometimes when this happens one's motivation may be affected as well: motivation to find alternate/safer employment, for example, motivation to carry out every day errands, motivation to exercise, etc. So, criticism of any kind may be difficult for him to take right now (thinking of the dinner he made). It might help to find a common interest that will get him out of the house and moving, such as speed walking to throw out an example. Nothing like a bit of friendly competition to get both people moving!

 

[Nakamova]

One other thing to consider -- Some anti-seizure meds can affect mood and mess with sleep. Being cranky and tired can definitely put a strain on a relationship. Has he said anything about how his medication makes him feel? If there are side effects that are problematic, he should let his neuro know.

 

[Fedup]

Does Epilepsy play a part in a relationship you ask, well yes it does and it can strain a relationship or in most cases make it a lot stronger. It makes no difference the name/type its not easy, not easy for either you or him but you both can get through this, it will not and is not easy but you will. He may seem distant at times this could be the result of the medication in which case talking to your doctor or neurologist would be a good idea. What would also be a good idea is to sit down and talk about how this is affecting you both and what you feel, remember this is not easy on your boyfriend either.

The incident with dinner the other night and I am sure there are others, could it be that your boyfriend was trying to please you to make up for something and took you up wrong thinking that maybe you were giving out to him for not doing it right even though that is wrong. The thing is you are both trying in different ways to show the same thing, How much you Love each other.

You will be ok, this will all work out.

 

[ATWinellLife]

Sharing your Epilepsy with someone else is like sharing the deepest part of you that you don't completely understand yourself. It is worth it to work with one another (and even a counselor) to learn each other's needs and how you both communicate the best so that you both will be more keenly aware of how to respond when things feel stressful or when one or the other feels misunderstood. If you're even remotely leaning towards marriage you should do this now because life with Epilepsy is an often confusing and sometimes very stressful battle that you both have to be willing to work though honestly and humbly together. Carrying one another's burdens when the other is too weak to carry and being loving enough to know that He may never be able to "work" as most men do but always always encourage him to aspire to do the things he excels at despite his disabilities.




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[AlohaBird]

Sharing your Epilepsy with someone else is like sharing the deepest part of you that you don't completely understand yourself.

This is very well put.^^^^
You need to talk with each other but you (the one without epilepsy) need to understand that that talking is not easy.
Perhaps you could get him interested in sharing/asking for support here on CWE. It might help him to feel less alone.

 

[George__]

1.5 years into a relationship and you know very little about his epilepsy condition!?

Confront this couch potato please