Something Is Wrong and I need help

[Music36]

Tom,

During my complex partials, I am aware that I'm having a seizure but I'm unable to communicate. If I try to speak, it's gibberish. It's like I'm gone into another world. If people are talking or music is playing, it's all distorted and I can't understand what people are saying. I will have thoughts during a seizure, but am unable to grasp understanding of my thoughts or remember them. The harder I try to understand my thoughts, the more intense and powerful the seizure (the fear) becomes. It is best if I just let go and not try to understand. My seizures are very painful. The intense fear is like a physical pain. It is unbearable and can cause me to moan and groan which is embarrassing. The intense fear is so powerful it can be exhausting. Many times seizures have wiped me out. I have actually experienced intense euphoria combined with the intense fear a few times which was really wild. The emotions are so intense and powerful. Even though euphoria is a good feeling it is so powerful during a seizure that I can't withstand it. I have often experienced multiple seizures where a seizure appears to be ending and goes right into another seizure. But, it has now been 9 months since I had a complex partial thanks to surgery. Before surgery, I had complex partials most weeks and auras every week. My auras are intense fear. There were many, many days when I would have auras all day long. It would really mess with my state of mind. Many years ago, before I went on meds, I could easily have 20 complex partials in one day. I also had nocturnal seizures. They would mix in with my dreams.

 

[Music36]

I forgot to add that sometimes I'm unable to speak when I first come out of a seizure. I can't get the thoughts from my brain to my mouth.

 

[Frink]

I forgot to add that sometimes I'm unable to speak when I first come out of a seizure. I can't get the thoughts from my brain to my mouth.

Same here, can only speak gibberish and all language sounds like gibberish after some seizures.

 

[jessmm]

Primal fear, my seizures start with a very strong sense of alarm, I would not call it fear, I have felt fear, this is definitely in the fight or flight response arena but kind of like you have not decided to fight or flee, you are just stuck in this all consuming sense of alarm.

YES! Thank you so much for posting that. I've been trying so hard to think of how to describe the feeling. It's not fear exactly...not panic really...but it's a bad feeling that's similar to those. Alarm. That's perfect and your description of the whole deja vu experience is spot on for me.

 

[tom21]

Hey guys idk if I should even be posting in this thread anymore but something strange happened to me today at work. I dont know if this is just related to my mental state and dissociation that ive been diagnosed with but its very concerning regardless. When i was at work, we were in an office building cleaning carpets in various different office rooms in the building. Towards the end, as we were on our way to one of the last areas that needed cleaned, I passed by a room in the hall that I did not remember cleaning in whatsoever. I asked my coworker if we had gotten that one and he kind of looked at me weird and said ya we already had cleaned the carpet in there. Now after this I was almost like shocked. I could swear up and down that we hadnt gotten that one but I knew it was just my own messed up perceptions and memory that made me think/feel that because this isnt the first time something like this happened. Its as if I had a memory lapse or was unconscious or unaware because I really do not remember being in that certain room at all. I have memories leading up to it and after it but still cannot remember that part of being in that room. Is this possibly epilepsy related or should I stick to the mental health route? Because alot of the recent posts here in this thread I cannot relate to, with alot of the physical symptoms, sensations, and such.

Edit: Something that I should mention is that I had been feeling extra weird earlier on in the day before this happened. Even when I woke up today I noticed I felt worse and stranger than usual and was probably going to have a bad day...and sure enough I was right, and I did.

 

[Nakamova]

It sounds more seizure-related to me than mental-health-related. "Weird feelings" can be a symptom of simple partial seizures, and losing memories or experiencing impaired awareness can be a feature of a complex partial seizure. I hope a neuro can help you get clarity on what's going on.