Telling the wrong people about E

[Tilei]

I got a call tonight. A very special phone call. My nephew, who is in the Marine Corp., called me this evening. Normally I am ecstatic when he calls, but tonight his call made me feel badly.

You see the last time he dialed up my phone we chatted for a very long time. About everything, from his time in Iraq, to his special girlfriend, to his being temporarily stationed at Ft. Sill for extended training. The training should boost him up an extra rank level. He's going to be at Ft. Sill for a month, then he is back to his home base on beautiful Hawaii. During our phone call I mentioned my recent diagnosis of E and my troubles with the neuro and dilantin. We sort of glossed over it and talked about his stuff.

Tonight he called and is 'sneaking' home to see specifically me. He knows what I have is not life threatening etc., but wants to see me. He and a buddy are both sneaking home for the long weekend to see family. He is stationed off base and is positive they won't get caught. Another buddy is picking them up at the airport when they get back. The ticket is already bought and his Mom & Dad are helping him pay for the ticket to boot! IF he gets caught he could lose this opportunity, he could be considered AWOL, he could lose his rank!

I know there is nothing I can do about this now, and man am I ever sorry for saying anything to him. He and I are the only living blood relatives and we've shared quite a bit about life, so I didn't think of not telling him. Just damn.

 

[lindy]

I don't think that you did anything wrong by telling him, although his response is far from good. Since he is doing this with a buddy, is it possible that you are just the excuse and that they were planning on doing this anyway?

 

[Bernard]

I would assume that he knows what he is doing and ready to take full responsibility for his actions. Don't fret what you can't control, IMO.

 

[Tilei]

Lindy and Bernard,

Thank you both for responding. Lindy, if I am his "excuse" I'd be surprised. He was home for several weeks this summer about a month after getting out of Iraq. While in Iraq he was involved with the battle for Fallujah. He spent Christmas in the battlefield. He thinks and approaches life a lot differently since then. He saw many of his buddies killed and he himself spent several hours pinned down after an IED exploded and killed a number of his fellow marines. He is not the same little, immature, smart mouthed kid he was just a year ago. He is approaching life a lot differently, it is hard to explain over the internet in just words, but the change is significant. He is finally realizing that some of lifes little bumps in the road, aren't just bumps. My fear is he is going too far with that mentality and is losing the ability to discern things appropriately.

When he was home last time he spent a lot of time with a lot of other people, who like me were very concerned about him. I didn't really get to see him unless there was a bunch of other people around. We made several attempts to get together, but it just didn't work out at the time. I sort of shrugged it off as there was a lot or people competing for his time and attention. He said he would be home around Christmas for the other few weeks of leave he had coming. I figured we'd spend some time together then.

Bernard, you're right. He knows the potential consequences of his actions. I just think he should tell a superior officer so he is not considered AWOL. I know he is staying off base and has some indepence, but if something happens over labor day (God Forbid) he could get called back to base. And I believe he only has a minimal amount of time to get there. (4-6 hours) Which is not possible if he is here. Oh worry me! Oh worry me!

 

[Birdbomb]

Tilei

My husband is retired Air Force. I work at Nellis AF Base I see men just as they step off the plane from Iraq. They are the color of their kaikis and they have sand in their wallets, in fact the sand is everywhere.

Change is what war does. Most civilians cannot comprehend the dire situations these young men must face.

Your nephew is a grown man and responsible for his own actions. He is well aware if the military's stance on AWOL and the consequences of being caught. He is exhibiting self distructive behavor very common to those who have gone through what he has and tempting fate for a number of reasons. He may or may not be aware he is doing this.

Every week the "BullsEye" our base newspaper, lists the soldiers who are court marshalled and their offences. AWOL is right up there at the top because these guys think the way your nephew does, "aww, it's only a few days, no big whoop." It is a big whoop. He belongs to the US Marines and they LOVE to make examples of their straying comrades.

This is his mistake to make. You shouldn't feel bad because HE is making a bad decision. But you can tell him how his actions are effecting you. I certainly would. It's funny he would even mention that they were planning this little trip without permission, it's like he wants to get caught. Maybe this is his cry for help. The marines harden men and makes it very difficult for them to ask for help. If he has experianced all you say he has and not recieved any counseling, it may be wise for him to seek it now before his destructive behavor gets worse or more daring.

It's a shame he has put this on you and having his parents aide him in this endevor is worse.