Today is one of those days

[momof3boys]

Where I just say Im DONE!


I am so tired with having to deal with EVERYTHING in this house. Im the one since 2008 who has been paying all the bills. My husband works, but Im the one stuck with making sure everything is paid for. making sure its paid on time, making sure if any medical bills that need to get paid, get paid. Because of us having one income, Ive always asked about financial assistance plans medical places have to offer. Thankfully the majority of places have it available. Which Im thankful for. Then Im stuck with making sure all the house duties are done... laundry, groceries, cleaning, garbage, sweeping, bedding... the list goes on and on.

I got so frustrated today because we dont get paid for another two days and I see my husband taking our money out for things he "wants"... and doesnt NEED. I would love to take some money out for things I would want... but I dont. instead, I use our money on things we need.

Ive tried given him our account information for him to view anytime what our balance is in our bank account. But he doesnt care i guess. He thinks as long as there is money in there, and Im paying the bills, everything is ok.

The last time he even looked at the bills, or paid a bill, he was throwing up due to the stress it was causing. This is when his doctor recommended I take over the finances. So here i am four years later, and he thinks he can take whatever money out he wants and not have to worry about there be any money left to pay a bill.

I wish I can just leave this place for the rest of the day and spend a nice relaxing day in the spa!

 

[Eli]

Calgon, take Kristin away....
Hang in there, least you cause yourself more medical problems.
/huggs

 

[momof3boys]

Thats exacly what I was thinking when I layed down to watch some tv.... "Caglon, take me away!"..... LOL.

I told my husband the last thing I want is to have a seizure due to the stress! He knows about those things, and how concerned I get with them. So Im hoping the night goes alittle easier for me!

 

[Silat]

Most husbands don't really understand the stress of being a mother. Add epilepsy into that equation and that gets even more stressed. :?

For me, it helps to make it harder to spend money.... So instead of having a debit card, just get a normal ATM card which would require him to actually go to an ATM and withdraw the money. It's less convenient, and he'd go out of his way to get the money to spend, so he'll be less inclined to spend the money he has on him on little things simply because he won't want to be bothered with going out of his way and withdrawing more money. That's how I keep my spending habits in check.

Just my :twocents:

 

[thornton8000]

Or give him a weekly cash stipend that he can use and once its gone its gone, till next pay day, then you personally know and then he knows that yes there's money but its going to the correct place at the correct time, I know about the bills and my wife makes the money and I pay the bills as does she but I pay most of the since I'm at home lol she tells me when and how much lol but silat also makes a good point about having to go out of his way to get money too the hassle makes it annoying and bothersome for some guys and then they just dont want to do it.
and my friend like me it sound like you need a break, even if its for just one day.

Mike

 

[Cint]

Hope you're feeling better now that Monday is about over, Kristin. Keep your chin up....

 

[momof3boys]

Thank you everyone.

I think Im just too tired of having to make sure everything is taken care of. I found myself telling him today that I would do anything to trade places with him. For me, i feel that its easier getting up earlier in the morning, going to work, and having someone pay you for your time and effort, rather than sitting at home with three kids, doing all the housework, paying the bills, taking care of the kids, etc and getting no pay for it. When he comes home, he changes out of his work clothes, eats something, and watches tv and plays video games with the kids. For me, Its like I want to scream out, "Give me a break!" I just feel like I need a good half an hour to an hour each day to have some "me time". No kids, just time for myself. I was talking about this with my mom today and she suggested I split the bills in half and give him half to take charge of. let him get a good idea of just what I have to do every month. Paying the bills is just a part of what I do around here. I would love it if he were to start a load of wash for me, or have the kids pick up their toys, etc. Just something to show me that he is willing to help me out around here. I grew up with a dad who worked full time, and my mom stayed home with my little sister and I til we got into school full time. I remember my dad coming home, and starting supper, or helping my mom with a load of wash, etc. It would be nice to see that from my husband. But I dont know if I will see that from him or not...

 

[Cint]

:agree: You do need that "me time". Just to have him start a load of wash, or pay the bills, something......... to give you a break. All moms NEED that!!!!!

 

[valeriedl]

I know what you mean about paying the bills. My husband and I have seprate accounts. I do get social security and a little bit of other money and he puts the money in mine to pay for things. I can pay them all on line except one. I wait till I get them all then pay them all at once. There is one bill that doesn't come along with the others and has to be paid at a seprate time and there's been a few times that I've forgetten to pay that one. I keep a list of the bills and when each one is paid I mark it off, I haven't missed one since I started doing this.

If my husband gets a good pay he'll go out and buy himself something stupid. For instance this last pay he went out and bought himself a bb gun. Now tell me what a 48 year old guy needs a bb gun for? Then he'll complain that when we want to do something fancy that we don't have the money to do it!!!! I think he's been going through his second childhood over the last 2 years because he's been buying all kinds of dumb things like that.

I'll save up some money every month and I might see something I want so I buy it, but it's something that I'll use all the time, not like a bb gun. He does complain when I do get things though. I wanted a new mp3 player. I had a gift certificate for amazon but still paid about $50 for it. He grumbled about it for a few days then got over it.

I don't mind cleaning too much because his idea of dusting is running the feather duster over everything plus he's a horrible cleaner in general. So when I clean the house is actually clean and not just half ass. We sort of wash our own clothes because he's got to use fabric softener and my skin reacts to it. Plus he just takes things out of the washer and throws them all in the dryer, I hang up most of the clothes. I usually get to be the one who puts his wet clothes in the dryer and fold them when they are done however.

I put the bills for anything we get on his chair so he sees them when he gets home from work and luckily he looks at them. He also will take money out of my checking account for me using my mac card and on the reciept it shows how much money I have in there to be using.

Maybe you can try leaving the bills and bank statements sit out somewhere that he will see them instead of giving them to him? This way he might realize how much you are paying.

You can come over here, my parents have a hot tub. Thats the best thing to go sit in and just relax!

 

[momof3boys]

Thats what my mom said to me too Cint. She had two of us, til I was 12, then came our littlest sister. Im the oldest of 3 girls in my family. But for me, we had all of our kids together, year after year.. LOL. So its harder for me to take care of three kids close in age, than it would be for two kids, then one coming later. So yeah, my mom said she could easily see where Im coming from. Heck the times she's watched the kids for us when we went to one of my husband's doctors appointments, she would be here with them for at least a couple of hours, and by the time we got home, she looked so tired and ready to hit the road! I felt so bad to see her like that. I so wish we lived closer to my family. Were on one side of town, and they are on the other. Im hoping we can one day move closer to them, so it can make things alittle easier for getting some help with the kids.

 

[momof3boys]

I know what you mean about paying the bills. My husband and I have seprate accounts. I do get social security and a little bit of other money and he puts the money in mine to pay for things. I can pay them all on line except one. I wait till I get them all then pay them all at once. There is one bill that doesn't come along with the others and has to be paid at a seprate time and there's been a few times that I've forgetten to pay that one. I keep a list of the bills and when each one is paid I mark it off, I haven't missed one since I started doing this.

If my husband gets a good pay he'll go out and buy himself something stupid. For instance this last pay he went out and bought himself a bb gun. Now tell me what a 48 year old guy needs a bb gun for? Then he'll complain that when we want to do something fancy that we don't have the money to do it!!!! I think he's been going through his second childhood over the last 2 years because he's been buying all kinds of dumb things like that.

I'll save up some money every month and I might see something I want so I buy it, but it's something that I'll use all the time, not like a bb gun. He does complain when I do get things though. I wanted a new mp3 player. I had a gift certificate for amazon but still paid about $50 for it. He grumbled about it for a few days then got over it.

I don't mind cleaning too much because his idea of dusting is running the feather duster over everything plus he's a horrible cleaner in general. So when I clean the house is actually clean and not just half ass. We sort of wash our own clothes because he's got to use fabric softener and my skin reacts to it. Plus he just takes things out of the washer and throws them all in the dryer, I hang up most of the clothes. I usually get to be the one who puts his wet clothes in the dryer and fold them when they are done however.

I put the bills for anything we get on his chair so he sees them when he gets home from work and luckily he looks at them. He also will take money out of my checking account for me using my mac card and on the reciept it shows how much money I have in there to be using.

Maybe you can try leaving the bills and bank statements sit out somewhere that he will see them instead of giving them to him? This way he might realize how much you are paying.

You can come over here, my parents have a hot tub. Thats the best thing to go sit in and just relax!

Sounds alot my husband! He is a kid too. With having three boys under the age of 8, Its only me, the only female in the household, so I have to deal with alot of "kid stuff". He at times will get holiday pay, and that alone helps to pay for extra groceries, or what ever it is we need. This year, has been hell when it comes to needing extra cash for vehicles. In december of last year, our transmission in our suv, which my husband takes to work, went out. So we had to put $1500 on a credit card for that. just today, we had to replace the a/c part in it, which cost us a good $300 for that last week on our credit card. My husband had a very costly year too with his medications needed to treat his symptoms of low testosterone. The medication he was using since sept 2011- May 2012, was costing us $125 each month to use. that alone, added up and now Im stuck with having to pay off a huge credit card bill.

I pay alot of our bills online too. I pay everything but two bills online. Our house payment, I take myself to the bank just to get reciept for proof that I did pay since they are so bad at wanting to charge late fees, even if you paid before the deadline! And the other bill is our energy gas bill, apparently they dont offer online pay service. Which I find stupid. All of our bills are mostly due either the middle or end of the month. My husband gets paid biweekly, so I work around his pay checks for whatever bills need to be paid during that time period. I have been applying for a job when school starts since this will be the first year that all three kids are in school full time. Ive already had a interview and Im hoping to get a job offered to me!

Oh that hot tub sounds nice!

 

[valeriedl]

Come on over. I've always wanted to put buble bath in it and see what happens. onder: Maybe we can try that?

 

[momof3boys]

If I lived in Pennsylvania Id be over in a heart beat! I cant recall the last time Ive been in a hot tub, but I know the last time I was, I didnt want to get out if felt so good! My father in law gives the BEST massages! OMG. EVER! I told him to train his son on how he does it! :roflmao:

 

[valeriedl]

Oh I'd love a massage!!! My husband's idea of them is to give me a little rub on the top of my head.

 

[momof3boys]

heck my husband doesnt even touch my back! He said he sucks at giving massages. I have to agree with him on that though... :roflmao:

 

[lottalead]

i let my wife take care of bills because she is better and i know she has same complaints about things but i do give her 100%% of what i make--i don't work all the time thanks to my epilepsy, but i do my best and we get through it--i know my wife gets frustrated and i make sure to tell her every day how i appreciate it and i let her take a vacation and get away any time she wants

 

[momof3boys]

i let my wife take care of bills because she is better and i know she has same complaints about things but i do give her 100%% of what i make--i don't work all the time thanks to my epilepsy, but i do my best and we get through it--i know my wife gets frustrated and i make sure to tell her every day how i appreciate it and i let her take a vacation and get away any time she wants

Thats so nice of you to tell her how much you appreciate her. I would love to hear that from my husband. I told him this and he at times over the past week or so has said it off and on. But just hearing those words makes me feel alittle better.

 

[lottalead]

she is the best a man could hope for--and a beautiful mom (and gramma too)
be patient with him because us men are a bit slow at feelings
i am very sure he does appreciate you

 

[momof3boys]

Im sure he does. He just isnt use to expressing his feelings.