What am I missing here?

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KathyJJ

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Am I missing something here? I have seizures, don't drive and I live alone. I have a friend that we grew up together being friends with. Now that my husband has passed away, she wants me to call her and let her know each time I leave my house. I realize she is concerned about me but she calls me each morning to check on me and that I think should be sufficient because I have my worst seizures when I first get up in the morning if I have any at all and she knows this. When my husband was living and my seizures were much worse and all day, she didn't do this AND he never ask me to do this either. I'm not comfortable doing this because it makes me feel like a child and I feel like I'm losing what little independence I have left. It doesn't make sense to me because when my husband was working and on the job, I was alone all day and having more seizures and more severe than they are now and she didn't ask me to do it then and I made it fine without having to sign out each time I left the house. I don't want to hurt her but I'm not comfortable doing this either. She had gone on some trips several times and I didn't hear from her for a week nor did I call her to let her know when I left my house each time either and she made it fine and so did I. What's the difference????? I was considering looking into some private services that I could call and they would take me wherever I wanted as long as I pay the fee, but this puts a damper on it if I have to do this each time I leave so I don't hurt her. I have spoken to family members about this and they don't understand it either. What am I missing? If you see something or just want to advise me on how to handle it, please feel free to tell me.
 
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I'm not comfortable doing this because it makes me feel like a child and I feel like I'm losing what little independence I have left.
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Tell her this. If she's your friend she should understand and back off.
 
This is just my .02, but I would talk to her in the mornings, and if I had to leave- I would. If she then confronted me on the phone about it, I would tell her "I'm an adult, I know what I am able to do, and what not" and I would tell her how much I appreciated her being there too.
I totally get the smothered and loss of independence feelings. Im currently being babysat by MY 10 YEAR OLD! It is a hard pill to swallow.
 
She probably feels that since your husband isn't there to take care of you in general then someone needs to be - like her.
 
She's just concerned about you. Maybe a bit overly concerned, but that's probably b/c she cares so much. I agree w/ Priscilla, tell her how you feel - in a nice way. Thank her, even. But at the same time, give her some re-assurance that you can take care of yourself and will call her if necessary. btw, I get it - I have that feeling of being like a child, especially when it's up to my 12 yr. old to take care of me!
 
Kathy,
ask her how she would feel if she was in your shoes.I know someone who thinks that I shouldn'tgo anywere by myself because my seizures aren't controlled.Tell her you have a life that's what I told this person, and I said I wasn't going to sit at home and wait for my next seizure.I take the subway and if I seize that's life.
Belinda
 
It seems like your friend has good intentions but isn't that what the road to hell is paved with?
She needs to be told, gently but firmly, that you appreciate the concern but that you really can mange on your own.
 
Thank you everyone for your understanding and support! This helps me so much. Right after my husband passed away, she told me to do this. I did for a little while, although I didn't like it but I thought I would go ahead until SHE adjusted to my husband not being here with me. She took those trips I mentioned in my original post and that's when I quit. But, just the other day, I mentioned to her about checking into the service that I had heard about that would transport me for a fee. That's when she said, "If you do that, you better start calling me when you leave". I responded with, "I had thought about that" but I meant that I figured she would be expecting me to start calling her again. I didn't mean I would. I was hoping that she would adjust to my being alone without me talking to her about it but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. My husband NEVER expected me to do that. If I left while he was at work and knew I would be back before he was, I would just leave. Now, if I knew he would be home first, I would leave a note but not because of my seizures but because of consideration and he was fine with this. My sister told me to tell her, "I will call you when I leave when you call me each time you leave". As I said earlier, I don't want to hurt her because she is a good friend. She was here for me during my husband's sickness when no one else was and still is but, I don't like living like a child either. I had thought I was going to have to talk to her and I'll play it by ear. I'll continue to go when I want without letting her know and if she says anything, that's when I'll talk to her about it. Again, thank you for your understanding and support. You have made me feel so much better.
 
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