Wife with epilepsy and driving

[sam1]

Hello,

My wife has epilepsy and takes med's to control her seizures. We have been married for 14 years and I am concerned about her driving. Her med's control her seizures but there are times when she will have a seizure even though her level in her blood is fine. She seems to have them more during her menstrual cycle, but not always. She always says it is stress and continues to drive the day after. We have children and I am concerned when she drives with them. She gets very upset when I confront her about this. She takes it personally and doesn't seem to understand that I am just concerned about her safety as well as our children.

She informed me about a month ago that she wants a divorce and I am wondering how am I going to be able to get her to understand the seriousness of this. Over the years I have always looked the other way instead of confronting her just to keep the peace. But now, since she wants out of the marriage, I am not too sure how to handle this. Is anyone else in this situation and have any suggestions on how I can get her to understand my concerns while keeping this divorce civil for our kids sake. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[Nakamova]

Hi sam1 --

Welcome to CWE. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but the biggie is worrying about safety of your wife and kids.

A few questions: What kind of seizures does she have? What kinds of meds is she on? How often does she see her neurologist? Does she wear any kind of medical ID?

If she is having tonic-clonics that may affect her legal driving status in some states. If she has a seizure-related driving accident, it's possible that her driver's license could be yanked permanently. And of course there's the potential injuries to herself or others. Where I am, the rule is no driving until you are 6 months seizure-free, but it is also the case that this is based on self-reporting. Despite all this, it sounds like your wife has made a decision to continue driving.

You can't force your wife to stop driving (and I do understand her perspective on this). It sounds like merely confronting her wouldn't make her change her mind. Is there someone else -- a family member or friend -- who could back you up on this?

I would also say, that although the risks are real, on average people with epilepsy have driving records no better or worse than the population at large.

 

[sam1]

Not sure what her seizures are called, but she seems to kind of moan and just look around while it is happening. They last for about 20 seconds and she comes out of it immediately. She takes dilantin once a day and has her blood level checked about once every 3 to 6 months. She does not see a neurologist only her family doctor. She does not wear any id bracelet and doesn't really want anyone to know she has it. She has had some bad experiences early in her childhood with this. People making fun of her etc.. I have always supported her with this and have been there for her anytime she has had seizures. But, if I start talking about her condition and the risks she gets very defensive. Even now since she wants a divorce, she says I am going to try to use it against her. She can't understand that I am just concerned for her and our kids.

I am not sure what you mean by tonic-clonics. Can you explain? I have mentioned that she could loose her license if she had an accident, but she just gets mad when I say that. She feels like I am trying to tell her what to do. I told her I can't stop her from driving, but I do have a say when my kids are with her.

Her mother and father have always kept this issue quite because all it does is make her upset. They don't really look at it like I do. They don't see the risk involved here. There is no one else I can turn to for help. My wife looks at me like I am trying to control her.

 

[Zoofemme]

Hi Sam...Tonic-clonics are what most people know as grand-mals; falling to the floor and convulsing.

You are very limited in your options since no one wants to upset your wife It amy very well be that your only recourse will be along legal lines, as your wife pointed out somewhat. Have you thought about talking with her doctor?

 

[sam1]

No, she has never had seizures like you described. If I were to talk to her doctor and he would mention it to her, she would find another doctor. She just doesn't want anyone telling her what to do. As far as handling this through the legal system, I really don't want to do that if I don't have too. The divorce is going to be stressful enough on us and our kids. If I could just get her to agree not to drive with my kids other than taking them to school and picking them up. The school is just down the road.

We have agreed to have joint custody of our kids, I want them as much as she has them. I want to still be friends with her because I truly care about her and I want my kids to understand that we care for one another. I even told her I would do whatever I could to help her out when she has the kids. Sometimes I feel guilty because she has to deal with the seizures, but I can't change that. All I can do is support her and try to help her understand I care for her safety and the safety of our kids.

 

[Endless]

Hi, Sam.

I'm so sorry to hear your wife is having breakthrough seizures. It's a really upsetting event when the seizures have been under control for awhile. I especially understand your concern for your children's safety.

The big question is whether your wife loses conciousness during her seizures. Does she remember her seizures? Can she respond verbally during them? If the answer to those questions is "no," then she is probably losing concious during her seizures. If she is losing conciousness, then driving could be dangerous until the seizures are under control again. If she stays concious, then driving may be perfectly safe. When she gets a seizure she can just pull the car over.

Here's a link where you can look up the driving laws for your state: http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/living/wellness/transportation/drivinglaws.cfm

 

[sam1]

She does not loose consciousness I don't think. She could be standing and have one and not fall. She could even be holding something and not drop it. I have at times when she is having one ask her questions and when she comes out of it does not remember me asking anything. She says she feels something just before she has one, but has never mentioned she is about to have one before it occurs. I personally think from my observations of her seizures that she would not be able to control a vehicle while having one.

Also, she is not just now having the seizures. She has had them off and on throughout our 14 year marriage. She may go a few months without one, but mostly it happens at least once every month or two.

She has also been having problems with a low magnesium level. Not too sure if that would have anything to do with it. But, her seizures pattern has not changed since this either.

 

[Cint]

Sam1,

Sorry to hear of your wife's seizures. From what you described, they sound like complex partial seizures. I've had CP seizures, where I can be holding on to something and not drop it and at the same time someone could be talking to me and I do not comprehend a word that is said, nor do I remember what was just said. Therefore, it isn't safe for her to drive because it could happen while she is driving, as it did happen to me. Fortunately, I was on my way out of a parking lot and wasn't going fast yet so no one was injured and the cars were only scratched, but I lost my driving privileges for a year. And my CP seizures only happened every 3-4 months. She needs to take heed to your advice, especially for the safety of the children.

 

[Endless]

Hi, Sam.

Your wife can be standing, walking, and even talking and still be unconcious. They look awake, but they aren't. "Complex Partial" seizures are famous for this. Some people even continue simple automatic tasks like driving, although that is dangerous because they can't react to changes around them.

The way to tell the difference is if you ask her a question that requires an alert answer, like "what's 3 plus 2?" Or "who is the president?" If she can answer, she's awake. If she can't, she's unconcious. Don't ask a yes or no question, because people have been known to say "yep" or "nope" when unconcious. Some people hold whole conversations, though what they say may not make perfect sense at the time.

The key is that you say she does't remember your questions afterwards. That makes me think she is not concious during her seizures. But I'm not a doctor - that's really who should be evaluating her.

As for magnesium... there is both anecdotal and scientific evidence that low magnesium could be linked to seizures, and/or that magnesium supplements could help prevent seizures:

http://www.jkscience.org/archive/volume104/original/magnesium.pdf

There are a bunch more studies like this. Google "magnesium" and "seizures." Be careful, there is also a lot of psudo science out there, conducted by people with a conflict of interest or who don't have the proper training. If it's published in an academic periodical that has peer review (like the New England Journal of Medicine), I tend to trust it more. That helps ensure the methodolgy used in the study is solid, and the results are real.

Think your wife would take magnesium supplements?

 

[valeriedl]

In my state you have to go at least 6 months with out having a sez. The type of sez that your wife has sounds like the ones that I have.

Alot of times I don't even know that it is comming on or that I am even having it until I come out and someone tells me that I had had one.

Often I'll be talking to someone and have one. I'll be mumbling words to them and they will keep telling me that I'm having one and to sit down or go get my husband, but what I think I'm saying isn't what is comming out of my mouth.

I will usually just stare into space and won't know about anything that is going on around me. They could last for a few seconds to a few minutes, there's no telling how long it will be and what I'll be doing when I'm having it. I also get a horrible migraine headache often after one and then because of the pain I'm still not thinking strait afterwards.

I haven't been able to to drive now for about 8 years. I'd be scared if I were behind the wheel and have one I could end up wrecking the car and killing someone. I don't know if she understands this, or is even thinking about it. Does she even think about having one with the kids in the car and she would have one?

I don't know how old your kids are but I know you said that the school is only a few blocks away. If she is worried about them getting there she could walk there with them.

I live out in the country where there is no public transportation but between friends and family I manage to get around. I may have to wait to go to the store or somewhere else until someone is going but it's just something that I've learned to deal with.

If she's been having them for that long why isn't she seeing a neurologist? Just seeing your regular dr sometimes just isn't enough and a neuro has more experience in knowing better how to deal with the problems.

 

[Jan4you]

So sorry for all you and your wife are going through.

I was just diagnosed wtih complex partials where I am working.. making talkng, writing but have NO memory. I could lose my job for the mistakes I make. AND I drive for my job..so NO JOB.

But what got me to accept that I could no longer drive ( and I do not live close to any public transporation) was not only risking myself and others lives BUT get this.. if she has an accident and they learn she HAS seizures..she will have a CRIMINAL case for driving.. yup.

So I gave my keys away.. canceled my car insurance so I would not be tempted to just "forget" and get in my car to drive.

Is it a pain in the butt? Yeah..but trust YOUR gut. Her doc would not recommend driving or ANY doc. It says right on your driver's registration Do you have any loss of consciousnes.. and she does.

Just know that we will support YOU and if you wife wants to come on this forum.. her was well.

Good luck--denial is pretty strong..and the divorce..probably an idle defense.
Could you do a FAMILY meeting and voice your concerns?? Have a police officer explain it to her? A doctor??

Warmly, Jan

 

[alivenwell]

It does seem unusual to seek a divorce against a suportive spouse. Maybe you need to try a new approach. Can you hide the car keys for a while?

Offer to drive kids to the doctor, school, grocery store (with a specific list), etc. Or, better yet, get your in-laws involved in transporting them.

Ask her how she intends on supporting herself financially, socially and keep her stress level to a minimum. Does she view you as a source of stress (nothing offensive here)? It's her perspective that has to be changed here.

It does sound like she gets some kind of aura/warning beforehand. That may console you to know she could pull over to the side of the road during the warning (if there is a shoulder on the road). Ask her how much time seems to lapse during the warning.

Maybe counseling is a good approach here. She sounds very upset. And you seem very concerned. Her parents probably want to mind their own business. Just a guess here.