Why wedding dresses are white (joke) Battle between MEN -vs.- WOMEN
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TeeTees
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Here's the proof why it's better to be a man !!...
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
:rock::rock:
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
:rock::rock:
stilldancing_98
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All I can say to that is I agree . LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. You speak the truth Birdy. How many times do you "men have to lose before you quit?" Way to go.
alivenwell
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It appears as if they're slacking off. Come on guys. Where are you? Domestic skills?!!!
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Men have 'domestic skills'?
:huh:
onder:They are probably too busy being confused
with finding domestic Skil in the Hardware Store!
All they're finding is Skil Circular Saw, Skil Drills,
Skil this, Skil that - and probably buying it too, but
can't find Domestic Skils...
:roflmao:
fft:
BIGMAN131307
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Why men drink?
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better then women
10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
09 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
08 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
07 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
06 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
05 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
04 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
03 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
02 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
01 - You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her, Hold her, Surprise her, Compliment her, Smile at her,
Laugh with her, Cry with her, Cuddle with her, Shop with her, Give her jewelry, Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand, Write love letters to her, Go the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked, Bring beer.
Five Reasons Computers Must Be Female
01 - No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
02 - Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
03 - The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
04 - The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
05 - As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
15 Laws For Women To Live By
1. Don’t imagine you can change a man - unless he’s in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man’s mind wander - it’s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don’t make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something - suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind - but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man - look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
____________________________
Q: Why can you never trust a woman?
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and does not die?
Q: What is the perfect wife?
A: good-looking, sex-starved chef who owns a liquor store.
CONFUCIUS SAY
1. Passionate kiss like spider web - lead to undoing of fly.
2. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
3. When lady say no, she mean maybe. When lady say maybe, she mean yes. When lady say yes - she no lady!
Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
One is to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.
The Rules
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules,she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
Meanest Woman In Town
A man marries the meanest woman in town. Everyone tells the man: man you’re crazy, that woman is the meanest woman in town. Every man she marries she drives him crazy.
So the man says I have something for that. So they get on with their trip. The man and the woman are on one mule riding to their house. On the way down the road the donkey slips up and stumbles and the man says "that's one time." They get a little further down the road the donkey slips up again, the man says "that's two times." They get a little further down the road and the donkey stumbles again, the man says "that's three times."
Then the man and wife got off the donkey and the man shoots it. The wife gets mad and says "man are you crazy that was our only transportation you jerk!! The man says, "that's one time."
Ideal Traits In Men For Women
Artistic - Is able to find matching socks.
Athletic - Can get up to get his own seconds.
Classy - Puts back his Playboy in the hidden drawer.
Communicates well - Answers phone.
Considerate - Has learned to splatter less and leave seat up sometimes.
Faithful - Would let you know of his flings.
Hopelessly romantic - Will remember to buy roses for you.
Intellectual - Reads "Playboy".
Interested in women who have brains - Has learned to look to the face of the women sometimes while talking to her instead of her chest.
Loves kids and pets - Will not throw away a crying kid and had a snake once.
Sensitive - Acknowledges the fact that you are crying.
A Women's Guide To Male English
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
Men vs Women
SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
STYLE: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
MONEY MANAGEMENT: A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one
dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.
HAPPINESS: To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
MARRIAGE DECISIONS: Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MEMORIES: A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her. A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn't marry.
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN: There are two times when a man doesn't understand a
woman - before marriage and after marriage.
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy...
- One is to let her think she is having her own way. - The other is to let her have it.
LONGEVITY: Married men live longer than single men, but married men
are a lot more willing to die.
MISTAKES: Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.
THE BATTLE: A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
MEN and WOMEN...facts!
How come you see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy?
Men say that whoever dies with the most toys wins. Women know that whoever dies with the most toys dies anyhow, and his wife wins.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.99 a minute!
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need!
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. You never see a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed, get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo!"
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?"
Most men are extrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
Women are looking for Mr. Right. Men are looking for Ms. Right Now!
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive
sports cars.
And remember, to a woman, "a sense of humor" means you tell good jokes. To a man, it means that you laugh at HIS!
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
____________________________________
Sharing a Meal
The little old couple walked slowly into McDonald's that cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking.
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly
placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his french fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.
"Maam, why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered, "The teeth".
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better then women
10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
09 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
08 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
07 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
06 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
05 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
04 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
03 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
02 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
01 - You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her, Hold her, Surprise her, Compliment her, Smile at her,
Laugh with her, Cry with her, Cuddle with her, Shop with her, Give her jewelry, Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand, Write love letters to her, Go the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked, Bring beer.
Five Reasons Computers Must Be Female
01 - No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
02 - Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
03 - The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
04 - The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
05 - As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
15 Laws For Women To Live By
1. Don’t imagine you can change a man - unless he’s in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man’s mind wander - it’s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don’t make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something - suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind - but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man - look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
____________________________
Q: Why can you never trust a woman?
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and does not die?
Q: What is the perfect wife?
A: good-looking, sex-starved chef who owns a liquor store.
CONFUCIUS SAY
1. Passionate kiss like spider web - lead to undoing of fly.
2. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
3. When lady say no, she mean maybe. When lady say maybe, she mean yes. When lady say yes - she no lady!
Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
One is to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.
The Rules
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules,she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
Meanest Woman In Town
A man marries the meanest woman in town. Everyone tells the man: man you’re crazy, that woman is the meanest woman in town. Every man she marries she drives him crazy.
So the man says I have something for that. So they get on with their trip. The man and the woman are on one mule riding to their house. On the way down the road the donkey slips up and stumbles and the man says "that's one time." They get a little further down the road the donkey slips up again, the man says "that's two times." They get a little further down the road and the donkey stumbles again, the man says "that's three times."
Then the man and wife got off the donkey and the man shoots it. The wife gets mad and says "man are you crazy that was our only transportation you jerk!! The man says, "that's one time."
Ideal Traits In Men For Women
Artistic - Is able to find matching socks.
Athletic - Can get up to get his own seconds.
Classy - Puts back his Playboy in the hidden drawer.
Communicates well - Answers phone.
Considerate - Has learned to splatter less and leave seat up sometimes.
Faithful - Would let you know of his flings.
Hopelessly romantic - Will remember to buy roses for you.
Intellectual - Reads "Playboy".
Interested in women who have brains - Has learned to look to the face of the women sometimes while talking to her instead of her chest.
Loves kids and pets - Will not throw away a crying kid and had a snake once.
Sensitive - Acknowledges the fact that you are crying.
A Women's Guide To Male English
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
Men vs Women
SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
STYLE: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
MONEY MANAGEMENT: A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one
dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.
HAPPINESS: To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
MARRIAGE DECISIONS: Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MEMORIES: A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her. A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn't marry.
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN: There are two times when a man doesn't understand a
woman - before marriage and after marriage.
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy...
- One is to let her think she is having her own way. - The other is to let her have it.
LONGEVITY: Married men live longer than single men, but married men
are a lot more willing to die.
MISTAKES: Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.
THE BATTLE: A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
MEN and WOMEN...facts!
How come you see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy?
Men say that whoever dies with the most toys wins. Women know that whoever dies with the most toys dies anyhow, and his wife wins.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.99 a minute!
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need!
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. You never see a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed, get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo!"
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?"
Most men are extrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
Women are looking for Mr. Right. Men are looking for Ms. Right Now!
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive
sports cars.
And remember, to a woman, "a sense of humor" means you tell good jokes. To a man, it means that you laugh at HIS!
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
____________________________________
Sharing a Meal
The little old couple walked slowly into McDonald's that cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking.
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly
placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his french fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.
"Maam, why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered, "The teeth".
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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
And still be afraid of a spider
Our Favorite!!!!!!!!!!!....
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
At 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
And still be afraid of a spider
Our Favorite!!!!!!!!!!!....
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
At 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
Last edited:
BIGMAN131307
Veteran
- Messages
- 3,665
- Reaction score
- 195
- Points
- 178
Differences Between Man and Women:
NAMES:
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.Eating Out
When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs. A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.
BATHROOMS:
Yes, communication between men and women can be difficult. That's because words have different meanings for men and for women. Our Womanese dictionary will help men better understand what women mean and save a lot of heart ache.
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6. The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.
ARGUMENTS:
Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife. A successful woman is one who can find that a man.
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL:
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed. Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.
CHILDREN:
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Why Men Are Happier
Men can play with toys all their life.
Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.
Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
Chocolate is just another snack.
The whole garage belongs to them.
Weddings take care of themselves.
Men's last name never changes.
Everything on a man's face stays its original color.
Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.
Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relative on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.
For men, wrinkles add character.
Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.
Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.
Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.
Men have one mood all the time.
A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks
Men can open all their own jars.
To Be Six Again
George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?"
His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."
George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"
Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"
Male & Female Interpretations:
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing ball without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)n.
female: The sharing of thoughts & feelings with one's
partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.
BUTT (but) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
male: The organ of mooning and farting.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.
TASTE (tayst) v.
female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.
MEN VS WOMEN QUICKIES
How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer the sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.
Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust."
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said to her,"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said. "God, I wish I had your will power."
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
NAMES:
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.Eating Out
When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs. A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.
BATHROOMS:
Yes, communication between men and women can be difficult. That's because words have different meanings for men and for women. Our Womanese dictionary will help men better understand what women mean and save a lot of heart ache.
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6. The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.
ARGUMENTS:
Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife. A successful woman is one who can find that a man.
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL:
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed. Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.
CHILDREN:
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Why Men Are Happier
Men can play with toys all their life.
Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.
Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
Chocolate is just another snack.
The whole garage belongs to them.
Weddings take care of themselves.
Men's last name never changes.
Everything on a man's face stays its original color.
Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.
Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relative on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.
For men, wrinkles add character.
Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.
Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.
Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.
Men have one mood all the time.
A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks
Men can open all their own jars.
To Be Six Again
George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?"
His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."
George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"
Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"
Male & Female Interpretations:
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing ball without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)n.
female: The sharing of thoughts & feelings with one's
partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.
BUTT (but) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
male: The organ of mooning and farting.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.
TASTE (tayst) v.
female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.
MEN VS WOMEN QUICKIES
How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer the sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.
Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust."
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said to her,"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said. "God, I wish I had your will power."
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Mum's are best!
Mum and Dad were watching TV when Mum said, 'I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed'.
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.
Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for dinner the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.
She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washing machine, ironed a shirt and sewed on a loose button.
She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.
She watered the plants, emptied a rubbish bin and hung up a towel to dry.
She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the excursion, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.
She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the supermarket. She put both near her purse.
Mum then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturiser, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.
Dad called out, 'I thought you were going to bed.'
'I'm on my way,' she said.
She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the front light was off.
She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.
In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list.
About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. 'I'm going to bed.'
And he did...without another thought.
Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...?
CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL..... (and we can't die sooner, we still have things to do!!!!)
Mum and Dad were watching TV when Mum said, 'I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed'.
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.
Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for dinner the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.
She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washing machine, ironed a shirt and sewed on a loose button.
She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.
She watered the plants, emptied a rubbish bin and hung up a towel to dry.
She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the excursion, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.
She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the supermarket. She put both near her purse.
Mum then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturiser, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.
Dad called out, 'I thought you were going to bed.'
'I'm on my way,' she said.
She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the front light was off.
She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.
In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list.
About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. 'I'm going to bed.'
And he did...without another thought.
Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...?
CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL..... (and we can't die sooner, we still have things to do!!!!)
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Cinnabar
New
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Oh Tee Tees!
That is a great one. Just my kind of humor even though at the expense of women. :girl:Son asked his mother the following question:
'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies,
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
'Son, all household appliances come in white.' :rock:
...okay, I'll pack my case now
- Messages
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- 2
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- 163
The Thingy
Why men can pee standing up.
god was just about done creating humans,
but he had two parts left over.
He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve
So he thought he might as well ask them.
He told them one of the items he had left would
allow the owner to pee while standing up.
It's a very handy thing he told them.
And I was wondering if either of you had a preference for it.
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged 'oh, please give that to me!
I'd love to be able to do that. It seems just like the sort of thing a man should have.
Please, please pulease; give it to me.'
On and on he went like an excited little boy.
Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted it that badly, he could have it.
So Adam got the thingy that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he started whizzing all over the place- first on a side of a rock,
then he wrote his name in the sand. Then he tried to hit a stump ten feet away- laughing with delight all the while.
god and Eve watched him with amusement, then god turned to Eve and said:
Well, I guess your kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.
What's it called, Eve asked
Brains, god said.:banana:
Why men can pee standing up.
god was just about done creating humans,
but he had two parts left over.
He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve
So he thought he might as well ask them.
He told them one of the items he had left would
allow the owner to pee while standing up.
It's a very handy thing he told them.
And I was wondering if either of you had a preference for it.
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged 'oh, please give that to me!
I'd love to be able to do that. It seems just like the sort of thing a man should have.
Please, please pulease; give it to me.'
On and on he went like an excited little boy.
Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted it that badly, he could have it.
So Adam got the thingy that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he started whizzing all over the place- first on a side of a rock,
then he wrote his name in the sand. Then he tried to hit a stump ten feet away- laughing with delight all the while.
god and Eve watched him with amusement, then god turned to Eve and said:
Well, I guess your kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.
What's it called, Eve asked
Brains, god said.:banana:
speber
CWE Muse / Playing With Angels
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I'm thinkin' maybe the legend was skewed slightly....
...and women got HALF a brain (like we men have always suspected) but due to our long ago ancestor's bad choice we've been cursed to "piss away" our half!
Man, BIGMAN has my vote for field promotion to General to battle her evil bird-brain-ness!......GO BIGMAN!!!
:rock:
...and women got HALF a brain (like we men have always suspected) but due to our long ago ancestor's bad choice we've been cursed to "piss away" our half!
Man, BIGMAN has my vote for field promotion to General to battle her evil bird-brain-ness!......GO BIGMAN!!!
:rock:
alivenwell
Veteran
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Evolution hasn't changed for guys. They still miss the toilet seat!
BIGMAN131307
Veteran
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I hope so, it's supposed to be up or we get yelled at. Then we get yelled at if we don't put it back down.
BuckeyeFan
Grandpa
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We don't miss
That is just where we aim sometimes.
:agree: BIGMAN Promotion :agree:
That is just where we aim sometimes. :agree: BIGMAN Promotion :agree: