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Before I met my Mr.Nice, I dated mostly guys who already knew I had epilepsy. I was never asked out by some of my male friends because they couldn't deal with the seizures. When I met Mr.Nice and we started asking one another all the typical questions it came out naturally. I found, in my 35+ years with seizures, that when I was OK with it and not angry, frustrated, etc my responses were more normal and not extreme. Now, when someone asks my how I "deal" with it, I just tell them its a part of my life, "I am female, I am overweight, I have pretty eyes, I have brown hair, I have epilepsy, its just a part of me" No one needs to know all the details until later in a relationship.
Real stuffI think the control thing is huge. One thing that freaks me out socially (romantically and otherwise) is that you are not in control of the relationship. You can't have it on your own terms (which is sort of the point of a relationship).
It has become abundantly clear to me in the last years that I am NOT in control of my health, or really much of anything. It may be that I error too much on the other side and don't take control where I could, but there's a lot of truth to it. You can only do so much. With epilepsy that's abundantly clear. When your body freaks out, it freaks out. If I'm hiking or cycling or something, I can only push my body so hard until it seizes. It's like fixing a car. You can only turn the bolt so hard until it breaks. I think about working out a lot, how easy it is for someone to push themselves when they know their body is dependable, and how it has changed my perception of the world because I can't. A lot of self perceived virtue flies out the window.
I can easily see how E can be intimidating to others, especially to a potential spouse. It's a big deal. I think what some people don't understand though, is that it's really not that different than anything else. You could get married to anyone and have anything happen. Terminal illness, natural disasters, divorce, etc. E only means that you are going to have certain problems for sure. It probably will be harder with E if everything else is the same, but it's an illusion to think because you are both healthy you are in control.
Bidwell, but I think what you were saying is that deep down people know they're not really in control, and don't like to be reminded because it scares them. We have to confront that fear all the time because of E, and it's scary.
That's what makes being a guy with e a bit tricky. Trying situations often reveal a man's character, for better or worse, and a woman's intuitive nature can sniff out weakness in a man in a snap. And this isn't the weakness inherent in epilepsy, but the weakness that's present when one gives up, gives in to adversity or worse...fear.