1 year today

[KellyD]

It has been 1 year today since I had a grand mal seizure in my sleep which eventually led to my epilepsy diagnosis. How my life has changed in the last year is amazing. My life at the time was new enough considering I was a new mum! Between my diagnosis and that of my son's 3 months later it was a pretty awful year but I can proudly say that we have come out on top and I have never felt more positive and motivated in my life. I feel like if we can get through that then we can get through anything. Going through what we have really has made me a stronger and better person and as much as I wish we didn't have to go through all of that, I'm proud that I was able to pull myself out of what could quite easily have become depression and come to where I am now. The worst part of all of this is during the bad times where I was so absorbed in how horrible things were I now feel like I missed out on so much of my baby that I won't get back. The majority of memories I have of him at that time are all bad, I barely remember the good times and that makes me sad. But it also makes me treasure all the good things now so that I don't forget how wonderful he is right at this moment. The best thing of all of this is it has shown just how lucky I am to have my husband and how much he loves me. He has taken all of this in his stride. He never complained once about having to drive me anywhere when I couldn't, he has never complained about the drs bills even though we are only on 1 income, he never complained about my mood swings when I was feeling really low and has never made me feel ridiculous for being scared about being on my own in case of a seizure even though my medication seems to be working. He also never agreed with me when I blamed myself for our son's diagnosis. My husband isn't the most comforting person but I think I can take comfort in the things he hasn't done because I couldn't ask for anything more.

Anyway I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on the last year and how my life will never be the same again and that it's ok. I never thought I would be able to say that but I can and I'm glad. Thanks for all the support guys and thanks for reading another one of my novels!

 

[ashmstng]

KellyD,
I want to congrat you. I am very happy to hear your story. Thank you for sharing that. I hope you the best. I can say going through alot makes you stronger. It has for me also.

 

[LuvMyTwins]

Yes! Yes! Kelly. Congratulations on the insight you have found (it was always there--I'm sure). As someone who has had a life changing year, and knows the difficulty, I applaud your positive attitude and you wonderful outlook!:clap:---LMT

 

[hawke86]

Good story Kelly.

 

[Crazy Monkey]

Thats brilliant Kelly, you have had a rough time and you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your husband sounds like he has been a great support to you.

I agree with you, I think having epilepsy can make you a stronger and better person, it certainly makes me determined.

Good luck with staying seizure free.

 

[brain]

Thanks Kelly for sharing that and it certainly by far
is not a novel, but an inspiration!

:rose:

 

[skillefer]

Thank you Kelly, for sharing what you've learned with us.

 

[BuckeyeFan]

Congrats Kelly!

You are so right in treasuring the now. Don't let the past or challenges of the future lessen the good that is in your life today.

I have told many people that you celebrate each day without a seizure, then you celebrate the week, then the month and now for you the whole year.

Stay on track and hug that little one for us.

 

[Meetz1064]

Yeah

for you!!!! That is sooooo cool, Kelly!!! You will certainly be an inspiration to your son......

:clap::clap:

 

[KellyD]

Hi again!

I have been going through highs and lows for the last few years and am currently going through a low time. I'm very confused about so many things and last night realised that all this confusion is making me miss some very important moments, or at least I'm not appreciating how special this time is with my children and that realisation has made me very sad. I am sitting here reading over all my old threads and this one has really struck a chord with me. Where did this positive person go? And how did I go from feeling this motivated and positive after such a tough time to feeling this low through a time that hasn't been easy but doesn't even compare to back then? Reading back through everything has been such an eye opener. I have started to feel like I never bonded with Aiden after everything we went through but maybe I'm wrong. I have forgotten a lot of the details from that first year of his life and reading these things have brought them all back. Makes everything I'm feeling now seem ridiculous. Anyway, just sharing!

 

[Nakamova]

Hi Kelly, hugs to you during this low time. Don't get down on yourself for what your health struggles have done, or how you think they may have affected your son. Remember, kids are very resilient (maybe more so than parents), and you and he will be fine.

Even when epilepsy is controlled it can be fatiguing. Not only the meds, but the vigilance and the worry, the dealing with the doctors and health insurance -- all of those can slowly sap our strength, and eat away at our energy and focus. Like you, I seem to have felt more motivated in the immediate aftermath of a seizure, only to lose that drive as the seizure recedes in the rear-view mirror.

Epilepsy is often shadowed by depression, so if you feel yourself sinking too low, you might consider talking to a therapist. When you are self-aware it is easy to be overly self-critical, and getting other perspectives can help. In the meantime, don't forget to focus on your strengths, and that good stuff that you do and have.

 

[KellyD]

Thanks Nakamova! I try really hard to enjoy everything and focus on the positive but sometimes it seems too hard. I started a new job a few months ago, my first job in 4 years and there is so much to it they tell you it will take a good 6 months at least until you even start feeling like you have a handle on it but I am far from feeling that way and I had an issue with a supervisor last week when I asked for help with something I have never done and she made me feel like a nuisance and made it very clear she didn't want to help me. I have always felt like this is what she thought but thought I was being paranoid but after this incident I know it wasn't paranoia and now I just have no confidence in my ability there. I have had panic attacks and tears on the way to work several times since but to my credit I went in on my day off to talk to someone about how I was feeling to find out what I can do about it and since then things have been a bit better but she has only been there 1 day since so it's really hard to tell. Also I really thought this job would make my life with the boys a lot easier, I thought we would all enjoy each other so much more but it has actually made things harder. Aiden is really pushing the boundaries right now, I think it's a combination of age, finding his place as a big brother and working out how things will work now that mummy isn't here all day every day. It's been really tough and I do not handle it well but I read back over everything we went through and wonder how I got through that awful time but this is so difficult. I hope reading over this helps me find some perspective and help make things easier. Thanks again for the advice!