April fools jokes

[seagull]

I come from Essex uk you have be English to understand concept of Essex.My friend comes from Essex and I was born St Margrets Epping Forest not that far from bus stop in question.
My friend phones me up
'You never guess two primed missiles found behind the bus stop'
Yeah very funny but not good April fool
'But I mean it two primed missiles found BEHiND bus stop come by train not bus'
repeat this is not ApRil fool.
sod that I going by bus hundred yards down road police cordon off,they got on bus telling us off quick as possible don't panic but two armed missiles behind bus stop at Epping.Few people thought taking April fool bit far until saw bomb squad and fist time I done couple hundred yards in seconds that part of east London Essex cordon off indeed 2bombs still very much primed to blow for last seventy years.
it only in Essex behind bus stop two ticking bombs and no one notice

 

[seagull]

My son been had now.he got tortoise 10years old this animal humps everything well Albert went into his yearly hibernation they just got him out and he not an Albert he Alberta he laid an egg.
It back to drawing bord explains facts of life to 5year old grandson.Difficult one as to our knowledge. No other tortoise in area

 

[seagull]

Another had.My husband got tickets take daughter see wizard of oz on stage the advert said said three international stars in it but top secret who they were..turns out the stars are sooty sweep and sue.he in front row he came home hour ago not talking so I guess little embrassement around.Wish he talk I won't to know how three glove puppets get up yellow brick road