Last night I sunk into another pretty bad depression, or maybe it was something else. I just felt completely hopeless and helpless and lonely and in pain. I could barely breathe.
I went out to see some friends a couple of weeks back. I finally told them that I had been ill but I didn't ask anyone for help or company. Then I went home, back into isolation. Today I went out again and my best friend asked me about how I was and why I looked so calm and together. For the first time I told someone (outside this forum) how I had really been feeling, and that the only reason I looked so calm was because I was over-medicated at the moment. It really made me feel so much less isolated and I was amazed that he didn't treat me like I was crazy. It was just the first time I'd opened my mouth and told the whole truth of how I felt to anyone in my life. He asked me whether I'd actually directly asked someone for the sort of help I needed(of course I hadn't asked him either for what I actually needed, although he still did try to support me.)
Then we met up with some friends and an old friend asked me where I'd been. I told him I'd been ill and he asked me whether anyone had been helping me, and I said no. He said if I'd called him he would have come round and he would have helped. I am pretty amazed. Sometimes the cause and effect of these things is so basic and simple that you think it just doesn't work that easily. Apparently, sometimes it does. I actually can't remember what I said to my friend at all earlier but I do know that I put him in the picture and gave him every last detail of how I'd been feeling and now there's someone who knows.
Why is it so difficult to ask for help? And why is it so difficult to tell the truth of our situations? I forget who said it, but there's a quotation that goes, "If one woman were to tell the truth about her life, the whole world would split open." Of course, this situation is not isolated to women, but it certainly does feel as though if I told the truth of my present life, the world would split open, but it doesn't. Will I start asking for help? I'm not sure. We have a physical illness and so I am wondering why so many of us feel humiliated about needing help and about struggling with ill health.
I went out to see some friends a couple of weeks back. I finally told them that I had been ill but I didn't ask anyone for help or company. Then I went home, back into isolation. Today I went out again and my best friend asked me about how I was and why I looked so calm and together. For the first time I told someone (outside this forum) how I had really been feeling, and that the only reason I looked so calm was because I was over-medicated at the moment. It really made me feel so much less isolated and I was amazed that he didn't treat me like I was crazy. It was just the first time I'd opened my mouth and told the whole truth of how I felt to anyone in my life. He asked me whether I'd actually directly asked someone for the sort of help I needed(of course I hadn't asked him either for what I actually needed, although he still did try to support me.)
Then we met up with some friends and an old friend asked me where I'd been. I told him I'd been ill and he asked me whether anyone had been helping me, and I said no. He said if I'd called him he would have come round and he would have helped. I am pretty amazed. Sometimes the cause and effect of these things is so basic and simple that you think it just doesn't work that easily. Apparently, sometimes it does. I actually can't remember what I said to my friend at all earlier but I do know that I put him in the picture and gave him every last detail of how I'd been feeling and now there's someone who knows.
Why is it so difficult to ask for help? And why is it so difficult to tell the truth of our situations? I forget who said it, but there's a quotation that goes, "If one woman were to tell the truth about her life, the whole world would split open." Of course, this situation is not isolated to women, but it certainly does feel as though if I told the truth of my present life, the world would split open, but it doesn't. Will I start asking for help? I'm not sure. We have a physical illness and so I am wondering why so many of us feel humiliated about needing help and about struggling with ill health.
