@nelly
I usually get depressed, and since I am newly diagnosed with epilepsy; it's harder to accept. I was diagnosed back in June, and usually I've been having a seizure since for a while, but got worse around may to now like happens once a month, instead of two and I get upset when the medicine doesn't work. I am at maximum dose on Keppra XR, and it didn't stop my seizures now my neurologist is trying Lamictal, and it'll take a few months to up.
I just feel suicidal, down, and feel like I deserve it even though I probably didn't do anything to deserve. I often wonder what I did to deserve epilepsy, but I guess that's the depression talking. I hate it because that's another month that prevents me from driving. I don't mean to offend anybody with this, but I am agnostic and I don't really believe anything like karma that causes this. I guess what hippocrates said is true which was epilepsy is a natural cause. I try to avoid bringing up religion, but hope I didn't offend anybody.
Other than depression, I just hate my father being home or his girlfriend, and I don't like even telling my mother when I have a seizure. They are more worried about it than I am. My mother has to take anti-depressants because of it, and one time she rushed here because I had my phone on mute. Couple of times she even cried.. Go figure, that makes me more stressed out that people are worried about it than the seizure itself does. I even wrote a letter about hating life like a diary, and guess what? My father's girlfriend got it and showed it to him when I had a seizure go figure. They asked me about it, and it makes things worse... Nobody in my family understands how difficult it is. It's extremely embarrassing, and just stresses me out worse. It's like I have to help them relax from a medical condition that I suffer from, that's just weird... Sorry about the rant though.