CQ's :)

[CQ:)]

This is a story about the bond formed between a little girl and a
group of building workers. It might help to confirm your belief of the goodness in people.

One day a young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang
of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold,
more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They
chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a
pay envelope - containing two dollars in 10c coins. The little girl took
her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the
bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she
had a 'pay packet'.

'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

'I think so. Provided those f***ing w***kers at Boral deliver the f***ing
bricks on time.'

 

[CQ:)]

Dog Shaming

 

[CQ:)]

Dog shaming

 

[CQ:)]

Dog Shaming

 

[lonnie]

thank you

You make hard times a litle easier.:loco: Lonnie

 

[CQ:)]

Spell Checker

I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.

 

[CQ:)]

Natural Laws
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

 

[CQ:)]

The Australian Christmas

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh

Never have a white Christmas
When you in Melbourne live
Wearing hot pants on the beach
When you your presents give

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh

Chestnuts roasting on the sidewalk
Castles in the sand
Eating ice-cream, having good talks
Warm Christmas, isn't that grand?

 

[CQ:)]

Husband: Oh, come on.
Wife: Leave me alone!
Husband: It won't take long.
Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband: I can't sleep without it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Husband: Because I'm hot.
Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.
Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Husband: You don't love me anymore.
Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Husband: Please...go on.
Wife: All right, I'll do it.
Husband: What's the matter? You need a flashlight?
Wife: I can't find it in the dark.
Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Wife: There! Are you satisfied?
Husband: Oh, yes.
Wife: Is it up far enough?
Husband: Yeah! that's good.
Wife: Right! Now go to sleep.
And the next time you want the bloody window open, do it yourself..

 

[CQ:)]

Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to it's family and will mate for life,
as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with
it's offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes
in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!!

Oh quit whining I fell for it, too

 

[CQ:)]

12 days of Christmas Aussie version

On the 1st day of Christmas
My true love sent to me,
An emu up a gum tree.

On the 2nd day of Christmas
My true sent to me,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 3rd day of Christmas
My true love sent to me,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 4th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing
2 pink galahs
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 5th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
5 kangaroos,
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
6 brolgas dancing,
5 kangaroos,
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 7th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
7 possums playing,
6 brolgas dancing,
5 kangaroos,
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 8th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
8 dingoes digging,
7 possums playing,
6 brolgas dancing,
5 kangaroos,
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 9th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
9 wombats working,
8 dingoes digging,
7 possums playing,
6 brolgas dancing,
5 kangaroos,
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
10 lizards leaping,
9 wombats working,
8 dingoes digging,
7 possums playing,
6 brolgas dancing,
5 kangaroos,
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 11th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
11 numbats nagging,
10 lizards leaping,
9 wombats working,
8 dingoes digging,
7 possums playing,
6 brolgas dancing,
5 kangaroos,
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

On the 12th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
12 parrots prattling,
11 numbats nagging,
10 lizards leaping,
9 wombats working,
8 dingoes digging,
7 possums playing,
6 brolgas dancing,
5 kangaroos,
4 koalas cuddling,
3 kookaburras laughing,
2 pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree.

 

[CQ:)]

 

[CQ:)]

'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,'
and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot..

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You are not sure these are jokes

 

[CQ:)]

 

[CQ:)]

 

[CQ:)]

 

[CQ:)]

 

[CQ:)]

EIGHT THOUGHTS TO PONDER

Number 8
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6
Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years

Number 4
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."

 

[CQ:)]

Tips for 2013

1. Stay out of trouble.

2. Aim for greater heights.

3. Stay focused on your job.

4. Exercise to maintain good health..

5. Practice team work.

6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back.
Take your time trusting others.

7. Save for rainy days.

8. Rest and relax.

9. Always take time to smile.

AND

10. Realize that nothing is impossible.

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing!!!

 

[PFunk]

You're the best CQ