CQ's :)

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READ TO THE END

Who was who in 1923 and what became of them


In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2.. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?



These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.

Now, 88 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them..

The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,
went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney,
was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,
died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of
the Bank of International Settlement,
shot himself.

6 The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,
also committed suicide

However,
In that same year, 1923,
the winner of the worlds most important road race,
the Isle of Man T.T. was Stanley Woods.

What became of him?

He won 10 T.T. races between 1923 and 1939,
He lived on the Isle of Man and rode motorcycles all his life. He lapped the island circuit
at 82 mph in 1957 (The Golden Jubilee) aged 54
He was a wealthy man when he died aged 90.

The Moral:


F**k work.
Ride motorbikes.

 

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Check out your lateral thinking power!

The 4 images are the questions.
Please do not look at the answers first, these are really good. Try it.


Question 1

Question 2

Question 3

Question 4

ANSWERS



#1. The last person took the basket with the egg in it.



#2. All the other card players were women.



#3. Pour the juice from the second glass into the fifth.



#4. The recluse lived in a lighthouse.


==========================================================

PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

 

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An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head.
He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with a non stop chatting wife and 6 children (2 under the age of 3) - he's trying to catch up on his sleep!' P.S. Can I come with him tomorrow?

 

[valeriedl]

Dog and Cat's diary

Excerpts from a dog's diary:

8:00 A.M. Dog Food! My favorite thing!
9:30 A.M. A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 A.M. A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 A.M. Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 P.M. Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 P.M. Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
5:00 P.M. Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 P.M. Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 P.M. Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 P.M. Sleeping in the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a cat diary:


Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of, However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good, little hunter" I was. The audacity!



There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.



Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.



The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for now....

 

[Kaitybugsmom]

:roflmao:

Excerpts from a dog's diary:

8:00 A.M. Dog Food! My favorite thing!
9:30 A.M. A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 A.M. A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 A.M. Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 P.M. Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 P.M. Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
5:00 P.M. Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 P.M. Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 P.M. Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 P.M. Sleeping in the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a cat diary:


Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of, However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good, little hunter" I was. The audacity!



There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.



Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.



The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for now....

 

[CQ:)]

Are you fed up with looking daily at your boring garage door?
Just stick a new decal on your garage door....and wait for the neighborhood reaction!

 

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More Auto Correct

 

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[CQ:)]

Cup of Tea.

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mummy came home.
My Daddy made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
My Mummy waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know... )
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?’

 

[lonnie]

so wonderful

Thank you so much. Sometimes laughter is the only thing that makes all of the side effect not feel so bad

 

[CQ:)]

A gift from the innocence of childhood . . . ?

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS (priceless)

After Christmas, a second grade teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay on how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote:

We went to visit Grandma and Grandpa and we stayed in a hotel for three hole days. We always use to spend Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa in their big house.

They used to live in a big brick house on a hill but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to a place where it is not cold at Christmas time called Batemans Bay where everyone lives in nice little houses so they don't have to mow the grass anymore or use the steps and some people who like it can go fishing and playing that game a lot of old men play and is called golfing.

They ride around on three wheel bicycles and scooters and golf cart
s and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. Grandpa likes to use his golf cart to go to the recked center and back.

The recked center is a place they go to In the day time but they must have got it fixed because it is big and all okay now and looks new and is not recked any more. They do exercises in there, but they don't do them very good and some people just sit and watch while they play checkers and card games.

There is a swimming pool there in the recked center too, but they just all stand in it and jump up and down in it with hats on. Sort of funny like so they don't get their hats wet maybe.

At the gate to the campbus, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it, and it has a dive in window where you can talk to him, he is sort of like a troll my father said. He watches all day so nobody can leave the campbus without some permission from an office. But my Grandpa said sometimes they sneak out, and go riding around in their golf carts and he laughs about that. He said it is called busting out when they sneek out from the campbus.

Nobody there cooks, they just fix a lot of tea and eat serial and eat out in a big lunch room next to the recked center. But they eat the same thing every night - - early birds. They are like chicken micnuggets for retarded people I think.

Some of the people can't get out past the old man in the doll house. But the ones who do get out, they bring food back to the recked center for a thing they call a pot of luck what ever that is.

My Grandma told me that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work just as hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let all the people bust out all the time so they do not have to eat early birds and can visit their grandchildren a lot more.

PRICELESS......

 

[CQ:)]

Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer:

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding
on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS.
I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance.
The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.
In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age)
to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if
she had a weapon in her possession at this time.
She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.
Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want
to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having
a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more
time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have
just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what
was she so afraid of.
She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a f***ing thing!"

 

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Dumb Criminals

Don't Be Nervous
A nervous pair of robbers entered a record store to rob it. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled robber shot him.

Speeding Ticket
A driver was speeding and was unknowingly caught in a speed trap that measured his speed with radar and photographed his car. In the mail, he later received a ticket for $100, along with a photograph of his car. He sent the ticket back with a photograph of a $100 bill. He then received a letter from the police department with a photograph of hand cuffs. He paid the ticket.

Wrong Bank
A man went into a Wells Fargo bank and planned to rob it. He got a deposit slip and wrote on it: "This iz a stikup. Put all the munny in this bag." Then he stood in line. But he got nervous thinking that someone might have seen him write the note. So he left the bank and crossed the street to the Bank of America. He waited in line, then handed the note to the teller. After reading the note, the teller determined that the man was not very bright. So he told him he could not accept the stickup note because it was written on a Wells Fargo deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Bank of America deposit slip or go back to the Wells Fargo. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and returned to the Wells Fargo where he was arrested while standing in line.

Sloppy Casing of the Joint
A man cased a bank in Boston for several days before he went in to rob it. When he reached the teller, he pulled out a gun and said in a loud voice, "This is a stick up. Nobody move!" He should have cased the joint a little better because two doors down from the bank was an FBI Field Office. Five FBI agents were in line on their lunch hour waiting to cash their checks.

No Warrant?
A man was charged with drug possession. At his trial, he claimed that the officers had searched him without a search warrant. The judge explained that they did not need one because the bulge in his pocket had looked like a gun. The man happened to be wearing the same jacket. When he handed it to the judge, a bag of cocaine fell out of the pocket.
The judge had to take a five minute recess to regain his composure.

Failed Jail Break
Two inmates were attempting to escape the city jail by crawling through the air conditioning ducts, but fell through the ceiling into the office of the police chief.


Don’t Forget to Pay Attention
A man thought that the best time to steal a car would be when the driver was getting out of it. He watched a woman stop and park her car. He approached the car, attempting to steal it. The only problem was that the driver was in the process of attaching an anti theft device to the steering wheel. She used it to beat him over the head. He was arrested and charged with robbery, assault and grand larceny.

Use My Alias
A guy in Great Falls, Montana had three outstanding warrants for his arrest. When he was stopped by the police for a traffic violation, he gave them a false name. The police ran a check and discovered that there was also a warrant out for the man with the false name. So they arrested the driver.
In doing a search, they discovered a half gram of methamphetamine in his pocket and charged him with criminal possession of a dangerous drug. During his arrest, he gave his real name, so they also charged him with issuing a false report to law enforcement.

 

[CQ:)]

Awkward Pussy Sleeping Positions

1. The Full Sit-up
To achieve the full sit-up, you must begin with the genuine intention of exercising your abs and promptly fall asleep midway through the task. This position is extremely advanced and not recommended for amateur sleepers.

2. The Awkward Spoon
The goal here is not so much intimacy as it is the socially uncomfortable sharing of a physical space with someone. Bonus points if your arm falls asleep but you're too embarrassed to move it.

3. The Semicircle
Tuck your tail between your legs and imagine that you are an omelette.

4. The Sunbather
The trick is to look like someone who is acting comfortable whilst also appearing extremely uncomfortable. Let's take this excellent opportunity to coin the term "meta-comfortable."

5. The Double Bed
You will need a partner for this one. The goal is not so much comfort as an expression of sheer, unadulterated greed.

6. The Half-Box
Any old box will do, but two of your feet - preferably on opposite sides of your body - must remain outside the container at all times.

7. The Backstroker
Do not even attempt unless you have tiny, tiny, precious little legs.

8. The Sleeping Baby
Find a baby. Imitate the baby.

9. The Fur Pile
For this, you will need at least three friends who are not averse to your sleeping on them.

10. The Full-Box
Just get your whole body in there no matter what it takes. Be the box.

11. The Drunken Radiator
Just because you are obviously some kind of gin-addled hobo doesn't mean you can't be nice and warm.

12. The Sleeping Dog
Find a dog. Imitate the dog.

13. The Librarian
Bury your furry little head in your paws and try to look as contemplative and bookish as possible before drifting off.

14. The Ruler
Measure the floor with every inch of your tiny body.

15. The Windowsill
The whole world is your hammock.

16. The Clothes Dryer
Imagine that you are a wet T-shirt, fresh from the washing machine. Drape yourself accordingly.

17. The Pot Luck
Think of yourself as a last-minute fruit salad that everyone will be very polite about but probably not enjoy all that much.