Finding it hard to cope

[davidmc]

Some people may remember my stepdad was in a care home in Oldham. Unfortunately he died just before Christmas. What made it worse was that it was the care homes fault - they dropped him causing head injuries as they don't use a hoist (which is illegal not to) and then tried to cover it up by saying he took a step forward and fell - he couldn't walk!!
I was finding it hard to cope before he died but struggling more now. I'm finding it hard to sleep and when I do get to sleep keep waking up so I'm tired all the time. My brother wants to hire a camper van in May (my mum doesn't want to go she wants to be with friends) for a week and it's the only proper holiday I will get this year plus not had a holiday for 7 years. But I know my gf's family are going to ask me soon if I will look after the dog. I looked after him for the past three years when they went on holiday - even though last year my gf's sister's bf went with them even though they had only been together a year whereas we have been together six years (well over five at the time) now. My gf and her family are going away for 2 weeks so even if I do look after Buddy (gf's dog) and then go for a week with my brother, that will be three weeks we won't see each other for and right now I need a the support I can get. I'm really struggling with everything but it must be worse for my mum he was her husband so it's hard seeing her so upset all the time. I laugh and joke but I'm just putting on a brave face for show. Inside it's killing me. I'm not as strong as I act in front of other people but I don't want people to see .e break down. I don't know what to do.

 

[acshuman]

Don't Try to Hold Emotions Inside!

davidmc,
You have to stop trying to hold your emotions within yourself. When a person tries to do that they can cause just as much if not more problems into their life! Your holding those emotions within yourself could be just as harmful to you as having a lot of stress in your life. If you release those emotions it could very well calm you down and as a result of the calming down you would be able to deal better with what has happened in your FATHER'S life and YOUR life. onder:
On 'Coping With Epilepsy' you could use 'The Padded Room' to vent your emotions and very possibly make yourself feel much better about everything that has happened in your life in the last few months!
Doing this would be something that your family and friends could very well see and be made happier by seeing it! :clap:

acshuman

 

[marika853]

Sorry for your loss David. I agree with acshuman. Don't be afraid to show your grief. I lost my husband of 38 years and the worst part was that my 3 sons did not give me any emotional support. Crying is not a sin!
The only way to get over it is to go thru it!
Good Luck!
M

 

[seagull]

You a brit so got some insight.The home very much liable using starfish unqualified not even first aid knowledge and no hoist.The home owner is making pots of money at expense of clients and staff and I bet he cooking the books these carers paid below poverty line.You mention it so important to you and many others.That something you can have some. some positive imput but your emotions go to padded Room be others give good ideas.my brain is not in right place do deep thinking or helpful advice at the moment

 

[masterjen]

So sorry for your loss, davidmc, and I hope you find your way through your grief. There may be two ways to look at things right now.
One is the fact that not only do you need a way to cope with the sadness, so does your mum. Your attempts to laugh and joke may appear "callous" to her and this is adding to her own grief and may be making her feel alone. Perhaps by sharing mutual memories with her and talking through your sadness together will help both of you.
Another thing to consider is that by looking after the dog may help you through your grief. Caring for a pet is often used in therapy sessions to help people learn to deal with their emotions. You can talk to the animal without fear of being judged. Depending on the breed and how they are raised, they can be sensitive to a person's emotions and offer affection when they sense it is needed. Perhaps looking after the dog is an opportunity to help you heal.

 

[Fedup]

davidmc

Grief can be like a shadow the way it follows us around, the thing is grief actually never leaves but we do learn to cope better as the weeks and years go on, but the most important thing is you will never forget. As acshuman said it is not good holding in your emotions (I know from personal experience) let go and you will see the big difference it makes to you.

Your Mum has to be struggling but she knows all the family are as well and showing how much you care just by having a talk will make a difference to your mum and you and it will reinforce what she already knows, you care.

Do not worry about the holiday or the dog, deal with this first for yourself, it will make a difference.

 

[Nakamova]

Do not worry about the holiday or the dog, deal with this first for yourself, it will make a difference.

:agree:

 

[davidmc]

Thanks for the replies and advice. I don't laugh and joke in front of my mum, I meant friends. My brother who invited me on the camper van holiday gets on best with me, he confides in me sometimes. He really wants me to go on the holiday with him but think the week he can get off clashes with when my gf goes away with her family.

 

[seagull]

My mother in a home I don't like it at all they do have hoists but no wheelchairs and the owner uses his helicopter to go from home to home