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QueenieKP

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Hola!

Hi names Jenny, but I'll usually sign of as Q.

I'm 37 and from the UK.

Was diagnosed with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy at 17 took a whole do get decent control but did in my mid 20's. After 2 years seizure free was weaned of meds and had another 8 years seizure and meds free. April 2012 had breakthrough Tonic Clonic seizure and started having many, many myclonic seizures and was diagnosed with Juvenile Myclonic Epilepsy.

Was put on Keppra. Made me ragey and slightly irrational thoughts.

Was changed to Zonismide 200mg now wasn't too bad cognitive function was slightly impaired mostly word finding. But had no real impact on no of TC seizures though did half no of Myclonics. Neuro said that I wasn't really on a therapeutic level so we'd gradually increase to 300 mg in to 50 mg installments over 2 months.

For the 3 weeks I increased by 50 mg I was experiencing headaches everyday. Then last week I had an incident. We'd had a block drain and I had bought some drain cleaner. I had put it down the drain and it hadn't cleared the drain. So for a moment I had gotten confused and thought, maybe it's not drain cleaner, maybe it's brain unblocker, for fixing the headaches. It was only for a few minutes and I am genuinely certain there was no intention to deliberately hurt myself. But I got really distressed that people would think I was mad if they found out that I had thought that even for a minute. I spent the rest of the evening crying not being able to tell hubby what was wrong.

Next morning I could say what had happened. We say GP and she thought it was the increase in the meds. She has contacted Neuro who has reduced the zonismide back to the original level and now pescribed clobazam. I have really ambivalent feelings about being on benzos. They have said its just for a month but everytime I take a dose it knocks me for 6.

With the chopping and changing of meds its really making things really challenging. I know it's the same for a lot of people. But I can't decide if I'm crazy or the meds are making me crazy. Even trying to rationalise why thinking drain bloody unblocker would unblock my brain. Was that just a semantic brain fart. Is trying to rationalise an irrational thought a primrose path to madness?

So I am not entirely sure what information, advice or guidance I am after. Or if I just needed to share in a safe space. But thanks for listening x

Q
 
Then last week I had an incident. We'd had a block drain and I had bought some drain cleaner. I had put it down the drain and it hadn't cleared the drain. So for a moment I had gotten confused and thought, maybe it's not drain cleaner, maybe it's brain unblocker, for fixing the headaches. It was only for a few minutes and I am genuinely certain there was no intention to deliberately hurt myself. But I got really distressed that people would think I was mad if they found out that I had thought that even for a minute. I spent the rest of the evening crying not being able to tell hubby what was wrong.

Q

You could have been having a seizure when you did this. I've done many things that I thought were right or should have been doing while having a seizure. You're not crazy!

Meds can really mess with you. I was diagnosed with epilepsy 10 years ago and went through a good bit of different meds and dosages because of the side effects or because they weren't working for me.

You have to give the meds some time to see if they'll work. But if the side effects are too bad then tell your dr that you want to change them and why.

You'll get a lot of good advice on here and you are in a safe place where people understand what's going on.

Good to meet you!
 
Lovely to meet you too!

You know I had never even considered the possibility of it being a seizure in and off itself.

I was on Keppra for 6 months and I just arghh hated the person that made me would happily of punched people in the face and as I am generally a poster child for sweetness and light it was quite a shock.

The plus side of dropping the Zonismide down again
is the headaches cleared up almost immediately that was lovely.

Btw really sorry looks like I posted my intro thread twice oops I can't quite work out how to delete the extra one so sorry of it looks like I am a bit 'cat on the hat and look at me with my two intros' :)
 
Btw really sorry looks like I posted my intro thread twice oops I can't quite work out how to delete the extra one so sorry of it looks like I am a bit 'cat on the hat and look at me with my two intros' :)

Glad to know that you did post it twice because I was sure I'd already replied to it but couldn't figure out why it was up here again without my post? I think I'm going crazy half the time but I'm glad I wasn't this time!
 
Welcome Queenie!

Btw really sorry looks like I posted my intro thread twice oops I can't quite work out how to delete the extra one so sorry of it looks like I am a bit 'cat on the hat and look at me with my two intros'
No problem, I'll put on my moderator hat, and delete it.

If you have any questions about the forum workings, just ask. :)

Best,
Nakamova
 
Hola all,

This is a bit of an aide de memoir for me but question at the end of it!


Days 1-5 on Clobazam slept stupid amounts 16 - 18 hours a day. No headaches, felt pink and didn't care about anything. Not about not being at work.

Day 6 onward realised there was no way I was going to be able to work a 6 hour shift. So boss is allowing me to work 5, 3 hours. Having to get either dropped off at work or get taxi's cos I sway gently in the breeze like a majestic willow. My word finding is worsening but also writing and had ridiculously low mood about that. It seems so trivial, but I am a wordy bird, can't rember the last time I read a book. I'm ok with texts but can't read emails. I think it's because work emails have so much spam I loose my concentration trying to filter what's important and what's not.

I did have a lift in the brain fog which was kinda different from the word loss which is cool but also means I care again about not doing my job affectively as I can. Work are lovely and mostly supportive quite a few of the team of chronic conditions so we look out for each other and no that we have good days and not so good days but I preach being gentle with yourself but don't practise it on myself very well.

QUESTION ALERT!

I always allow myself a week off to adjust to a change in meds and I don't know if this is realistic. Or just an arbitrary number I have picked out of my bottom. I honestly think if I didn't go to work it would be detrimental to my mental health side of epilepsy. I don't like it taking things from me and my job is such and integral part of my identity. Cut me in half and I would say 'youth worker' like a stick of sea side rock.

Day 14 past couple of days have had a couple of accidental injuries which I think is weakness and crappy co-ordination. I shut the door on my foot and cut it and slipped in the shower and bruised my other leg. Insomnia is back but I think that's the heat. I try to nap just for an hour between 12 and 1 so I am not over tired for work (3-6). Am tired all the time but not really sleeping. Making myself get up at 8 am to try and get good sleep hygiene. Would like to not to nap but I take morning meds at 8 and within a couple of hours am sleepy. Tuesday missed nap as went to a area team meating had had bad night sleep beacause of storms and had complex partial seizure.

On the plus side barely any myclonic seizures but for the life of me cannot understand why anyone would want to recreationally abuse benzo's they're not pleasant.

QUESTION ALERT 2

Really vivid dreams. Anyone one clobazam have very realistic vivid dreams?

Have so far dreamt a friends son had embezzled £10,000 pounds and my husband woke me coming in from a night shift and I quizzed him for 10 minutes of tortoise passports.

Q
 
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