help me ladies ;)

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msuder0583

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ok, well first off i don't wanna come off cocky. but i'm young, in college and to be quite honest - without coming off too blunt, pretty good looking. but anyways, since i've contracted epilepsy my neurologist said the combo of my high dose of meds and seizures have caused a social anxiety disorder and without any kind of anxiety meds i choke up and can't talk to any girls. i'm soooooooooo shy. and i never used to be like that. its so uncontrollable and i hate it. is there anyway to break out of it, or because its a claimed disorder, it has to be treated first?:paperbag:
 
Counseling might help give you the tools to break through the shyness. You could also ask a female friend or relative to run through some role plays where you can practice engaging in conversation. Another thing worth trying is creative visualization: Do some relaxing breathing exercises, then imagine meeting and talking to a girl. Try to stay relaxed -- but if you can't don't worry about it, just return to the breathing. Take baby steps, work on small increments and gradual increases. Don't worry about missteps. And remember that many of the girls you are talking to may be more sympathetic or more insecure than they seem. Don't give up!
 
Hey there :) Its Steph, the British one :P x

Don't be affraid to speak to people.....sounds silly right? Its like a barrier between you and the conversation... you know what you WANT to say but the words don't want to come out!? Brain and mouth arent working together! I can relate!

You could always ask to speak to a professional, afterall they are totally trained to be experts at this stuff! I know that in itself might make you feel "weird" but your not, trust me!

Make sure you go out a lot! I tried this and realised the more I interacted, the easier it got. Cinema's are always a great idea, if it really starts to go horrifically wrong the you have 2 hours of film where neither of you have to speak but you can be working out what to say afterwards... something like "It was great to see you! Tonight was fun" something like that?

Sport is also a good one. Ever tried Extreme frisbee? No seriously! I am not joking! It is so much fun! If you don't laugh when playing it, your playing it wrong! What better way to make up conversation? x

Don't jump into things like dinner dates until you want to but don't keep doing the same old stuff. You don't want them to think you are bored of them etc...

Hope I've helped...


 
extreme frisby. lol.....wow.......its a nice suggestion but i can think of two reasons in about 5 seconds why that wouldn't work. #1 no one here plays extreme frisby and #2 when i play regular frisby i throw it about 50 feet over the person's head. and yeah i guess i could go to the movies, but i dont really like any new ones out...harry potter maybe. i'm still a kid at heart - but don't think a lady would wanna go see harry potter. thank ya british girl =)
 
oh and to nakamova thanks for your advice too. i will try the roleplay but that'd be kinda hard. especially if i tried it with my mom. kinda gross.....
 
you are not alone. most men would say they are at least a little anxious talking with unfamiliar women. or even ones they know.

is there a time when you can talk to women, like a clerk at the coffee shop? Add one extra thing, like a smile, or "have a nice day." then when you get comfortable doing that add one more thing....

another idea - is it possible to get a service animal? service dogs are chick magnets, and get the conversation rolling. he girls will ask you about your dog, and you can talk back to them about your dog. Instant conversation maker. and your dog will stand next to you and help you feel good about talking to the girls. :)
 
I have found that the more emphasis you put on a behavior, attitude, or even a thought (anxiety), the more power you give it. I grew up extremely shy, hid behind my mom's skirt, etc. Once I began being the best person I could be inside and out, understanding what my core values were, being okay with who I need to be... then the social issues worked themselves out. Am I still nervous when I get in front of a crowd... you bet. When I am passionate about something my voice will crack, and tears are ever present. It just means that it touches me deeply. I am no longer afraid to get up and share what is meaningful to me.

Perhaps if you take away the "looks", take away the attempt to impress the opposite sex, and speak from the heart., people (girls) will gravitate to you. The effort and anxiety may soon dissipate.

Breathing techniques also seems to help at times.
 
I always find there's less pressure in a group setting rather than a one-on-one situation. Are there any clubs or groups at school? If you are taking a foreign language you could form a club if there isn't one already - invite any foreign exchange students who speak that language if any. Our French language club used to meet at a local cafe, sometimes we would actually practice French, sometimes just sit around and talk. It was fun and there was little to no pressure; if you want to talk, talk; if not, don't. You can just sit back and look mysterious:) The point is, less pressure in groups - whatever the group is - and you know that you will have at least one thing in common with the girls there.

BTW, there's no age limit on liking Harry Potter:)
 
travel bug said:
I always find there's less pressure in a group setting rather than a one-on-one situation. Are there any clubs or groups at school? If you are taking a foreign language you could form a club if there isn't one already - invite any foreign exchange students who speak that language if any. Our French language club used to meet at a local cafe, sometimes we would actually practice French, sometimes just sit around and talk. It was fun and there was little to no pressure; if you want to talk, talk; if not, don't. You can just sit back and look mysterious:) The point is, less pressure in groups - whatever the group is - and you know that you will have at least one thing in common with the girls there.

BTW, there's no age limit on liking Harry Potter:)
Click to expand...

I love harry Potter
 
thanks all for your responses. they all make alot of sense and are definitely worth trying because i am not used to being so shy. i was never a loud mouth because i find that extremely annoying but i was more assertive. i guess i just need to use me of these tips to break that social anxiety barrier. and also glad to know that a few of you watch harry potter too, so its not just me =p
 
I started doing a new voluntary job recently and had to meet and greet people, talking to strangers is not my strong point.
So I tried acting confident - I don't mean in a cocky way, just like most people, except using acting. Eventually after so many people, I wasn't acting anymore. So if you are any good at acting, it might be worth a try.

I kind of gave up approaching the opposite sex but then started a course. One day there was a young lady who came onto our group because nobody turned up to hers apart from the tutor and she didn't want to do it on her own.

She mentioned a place she works with animals, I like animals and would like to work with animals plus was genuinly interested, so even though it was difficult I forced myself to ask her about it. Glad I did because it turned out we had a lot in common and get on really well. Even one of our course tutuors noticed it, you could tell the course tutuor wanted us to get together. She got her wish. :rose:
 
thats awesome. its actually good to hear a guy's point of ciew/ im assuming you're a guy, but its a great story. and it seems like i've tried that. i just get to =X face-ish. girls think thats cute. but that only gets so far. ive noticed since ive been on my anti-anxiety meds ive been able to relax alot more but i havent been back to class yet so we will see. but thanks for your input
 
A dog is an excellent suggestion if you're living off campus. It doesn't have to be an 'official' therapy dog. But, I have a pretty good idea where you're coming from. True friends will stay with you in spite of the epilepsy. I suspect a fear of rejection now.
I strongly believe in exercising and writing everything down. Exercising reduces stress. And, meditation or Laughter Yoga (it Does exist!) may be a great alternative. I set alarms on a cell phone as a reminder to keep stable levels of meds at all times without skipping them.
Anyway, being sincere is a very worthy way to be and women can see thru the ****.
 
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Well everyone thanks for your advice, however.......I went to a psychiatrist the other day and come to find out, I have social phobia. Bahhhhhhhh.....so I got put on Lexapro and Xanax. Hopefully they pull me out of my shell.
 
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