For a VERY independant person like me, I think the hardest thing to come to terms with is the loss of it. For 4 years after my diagnosis, I could still manage to a sort, on my own, on buses etc. But now, I am having to come to terms with the fact that my life is no longer like that. I can't have a bath, I can't iron my children's clothes for them, I'm not even allowed the pleasure of cooking my kids a roast dinner, as my carer doesn't come out on a sunday, so I have to do them a microwave meal. ( I'm no longer allowed to use a cooker without supervision). I feel like my whole life is run by someone else, but it is part and parcel of my E getting worse. But it's just one more thing to joke about, as it's something that is not going to change in the near future, I have to just accept the way my life is today, and HOPE that it will not be like this forever. Good luck with your sister, but she does sound like a difficult case... I have a feeling that you both need each other in ways that neither of you are willing to admit or accept, she is unwilling to accept that she needs your companionship so she places herself as your 'protector', and you need her practical help, i.e rides to the shops etc, and are maybe unwilling to accept that part of epilepsy? and the fact that you have to accept help from places or people you would rather not, and in an ideal world without epilepsy, you wouldn't have to?
How do I get her to back off?
- Thread starter KathyJJ
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She's hurting you by stifling you, yet you don't want to hurt her? Is your E. getting worse? Ask her to spell out what she is doing, and why she feels she needs to be the one who has to take care of you.
You have a good husband, things are taken care of in a timely manner, so what is her problem?
Talk to your husband. Does he understand the current relationship with your sister? Is he the one who asked your sister to 'babysit' you? Maybe, if he understands how you feel, he can go with you to talk to your sister to find out why she is doing this.
She's hurting you by stifling you, yet you don't want to hurt her? Is your E. getting worse? Ask her to spell out what she is doing, and why she feels she needs to be the one who has to take care of you.
You have a good husband, things are taken care of in a timely manner, so what is her problem?
Talk to your husband. Does he understand the current relationship with your sister? Is he the one who asked your sister to 'babysit' you? Maybe, if he understands how you feel, he can go with you to talk to your sister to find out why she is doing this.
No, my seizures aren't getting worse. I think she is doing this because she's afraid "she'll miss something". Seriously, it's like I am her entertainment. She lives a very secluded life if you can call it living. She has no husband nor children and lives alone. She sits in her home with the tv and radio on all day every day except maybe two days a week. She makes no phone calls nor does anyone call her because everyone knows she can't carry on a conversation even if her life depended on it. She is a very insecure person. I have never met anyone like her and hope I don't again. This is not your normal person. The reason I don't want to hurt her is because she has no one! She means well and aside from this she is a very sweet person until I go shopping with her. Then she drives me nuts to the point that I can't sleep at night. Each time I go with her, I lay awake most of the night because I can't unwind even with pm's. That is how stressful it is to me. My husband and I have talked this over and over since day 1 but we can't come up with a solution. Yes, I can stay home but as I've asked before, how do I suddenly stop something I have been doing with her for so many years without questions and hurting her feelings? I did try what I had mentioned in an earlier post and that was "I didn't go with her this week. I told her that my husband was going sometime this week and he offered to drop me off anywhere I wanted and since I don't ever get to shop by myself I was going to do it." I went on and told her "I like to browse in the stores by myself sometimes." Now, the true test will be when I go with her again. Hopefully, she took the hint but I'm not going to hold my breath. This is a "very slow" person. I don't mean to sound ugly but it's the truth. I've noticed it and several other family members also have mentioned it so it probably won't work. If it doesn't, I think I will just say to her, "..... if you want to go on and shop by yourself, go ahead. I'll be fine and I don't mind. I need to shop by myself too. When we're through, I'll meet you at ......." Maybe something will get through to her sometime! Oh, and that trip by myself was soooooo much fun!!!! I was like a "bird out of a cage"!!!! And that night I slept "like a baby" because I wasn't all stressed out! Thanks everyone for your replies and support!