How do you respond to sexist comments?

[zombelina]

I know this is not epilepsy-related, but lately I've been trying to find positive but assertive ways to respond to well-intenioned sexist comments. I want help create positive change without sounding dramatic. It's hard!

One recent example: I sent my uncle a text message letting him know that I would be in his city for a professional event later this month, and asked whether he and his family would like to have dinner. He responded by asking why I am attending this event without my husband, as I am a "lady" and "should not be alone." (Seriously?!)
After a lot of thought, I said: "I don't see it that way. I would love to see you. Let me know if you can meet up! Thanks."
I was truly taken aback and not sure how to respond!

I'm wondering whether anyone (male or female) has any stories like this and/or has any advice on how to respond to such comments. I don't like the idea of letting it slide, I want to stand up for myself and my fellow women. But I also don't want to strain family relationships.

 

[masterjen]

I would say to not take your uncle's comments in a negative way. He is probably a traditionalist, and this is how people thought once upon a time whether they were male or female. I would encourage you to, in fact, let it slide and simply say your husband was not able to travel with you but that you feel very safe traveling, are extremely careful and if you happen to know anyone else who is attending this event it may help to tell your uncle this as well. In a way saying this is standing up for yourself, but in a kind way. I would end your response with "Thanks Uncle ____ for being concerned for me."

 

[Music36]

Are you sure your uncle said this just b/c you're a woman and not b/c of the epilepsy? I would ask, "Why should my husband attend?" and state that "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Also, what if you weren't even married?

 

[Frink]

Was his comment because you are a woman and incapable of doing anything by yourself (in his eyes) or because he reads the news and sees all of the abductions, rapes, murders and other forms of violence against women in his city and this country/world and is genuinely concerned about your safety?

 

[Belinda5000]

I ignore sexist comments and I'll just go on my way.I can take care of myself and proved that when I put a man in prison for 21 years.

 

[seagull]

Being devils advocate that is not sexist just uncle looking out for his niece.Old fashioned gentleman

 

[JJR1956]

I ignore sexist comments and I'll just go on my way.I can take care of myself and proved that when I put a man in prison for 21 years.

Go get em' Belinda! :clap:

I think we are ALL equal. Man, woman....what ever!

 

[seagull]

Blimmy belindA good on you gal.Anyone who gets 21yrs deserves what they get let's hope creep like you put away drops the soap in the shower

 

[zombelina]

Really interesting to hear some different opinions! He is definitely old fashioned, and I'm sure he has good intentions. I think this is what is called, "benevolent sexism." I see the comment as disrespectful (implying that women are weak and can't take care of themselves), and he sees it as respectful (trying to protect me.) Regardless of the perspective, I do think comments like these contribute to a power imbalance between genders.

Are you sure your uncle said this just b/c you're a woman and not b/c of the epilepsy?

Good question. He did say I shouldn't be alone because I'm a woman, but he is totally not comfortable talking about epilepsy, so I really don't know whether that was a consideration.

Thanks everyone!

 

[Belinda5000]

He spent exactly 21 years in prison for rape and he should be ashame and he has a record.

They tried to use my epilepsy against me saying I didn't I didn't remember but the judge woudn'tgo for that.

 

[Music36]

He spent exactly 21 years in prison for rape and he should be ashame and he has a record.

They tried to use my epilepsy against me saying I didn't I didn't remember but the judge woudn'tgo for that.

That's kind of like trying to use alcohol intoxication against a rape victim. I'm glad the judge didn't go for that. Sorry you were a victim.

 

[acshuman]

The Way Some People Think!

Belinda,
The way that this guy tried to say that you couldn't remember anything because of your E is just another way that people think that they can take advantage of anyone who isn't just like them. People like this need to be made examples of.
I have had several people try to take me for any money I may of had at the time. Their eyes get really big when they see someone they thought would be 'easy pickings'(me) stand up and do what needs to be done to them to straighten them out. The problem is that they are successful more times than they fail, so they just keep on doing their terrible things!

ACsHuman

 

[seagull]

I think your uncle not want see you sexually asulted a very real threat sadly.

 

[NaomiD]

men !!!

Best way I find is to tell them you find their comments uncomfortable, if they continue in the future at least they have been warned if you find yourself getting sarcastic

 

[zombelina]

They tried to use my epilepsy against me saying I didn't I didn't remember but the judge wouldn't go for that.

That's horrible, and I'm glad that awful man was put away!!!

Best way I find is to tell them you find their comments uncomfortable, if they continue in the future at least they have been warned if you find yourself getting sarcastic

I like this idea. I think showing too much emotion/sarcasm about it only strengthens the, "you are fragile" thought process. So I agree that it's better to be direct/assertive in a kind way as much as possible, but I feel like you can get to a point where a person is just plain not listening to your calm, thoughtful responses (some other people in my family are like this about various things, not necessarily my uncle. They don't listen until you finally "show" how frustrated you are).

 

[JJR1956]

Belinda, I'm so sorry to hear about that. But NaomiD, not all of us men are a thumbs down. There's plenty of good ones out there. And I honesty can say, I am one of them. I'm disgusted to hear Belinda's story. That guy would guy LIFE in prison if I were the judge!

 

[seagull]

I was in red light district in luxenberge last week and if I was a man I would tied m y niece to a chair rather than let her go out alternatively get Gatling gun and shoot the arseholes that m ak e it difficult for women.
belindA I think I flip that tell judg due to e you had no memory chopping his pecker off.Far better punishment, knife chop and his Crown Jewels I got no problem doing that to the creep.that took courage to tell us that .i glad you did hopefully that give other women courage do the same

 

[NaomiD]

Belinda, I'm so sorry to hear about that. But NaomiD, not all of us men are a thumbs down. There's plenty of good ones out there. And I honesty can say, I am one of them. I'm disgusted to hear Belinda's story. That guy would guy LIFE in prison if I were the judge!

Totally agree not all men are the same ,

 

[seagull]

I had his discussion with muslimgntlman this week about reason women should cover up usual trash so men don't get sexual urges and rape women if they out on own.I said obviously Pakistani men see women just for sex.in Uk 98% of men control urges and look at woman as another human not as inferior.I in taxi long journey he wanted me sit in back all more reason I sat in front gave him chose I sit in back and throw up and no tip or sit in front hope don't throw up an get tip

 

[Music36]

Seagull,

I would have been extremely pissed off and argued with that person. That is total F----- BULLSHIT! There is something called SELF-CONTROL! Furthermore, people are not raped b/c of the way they are dressed. Also, there are many women and teenagers who are raped in countries in which they are covered up (I would state this fact and see what he had to say). Sorry, but I have very strong feelings about these issues which may be partly due to the fact that I was molested when I was 7 years old.