How the Credit Crunch has affected Britain...
- Thread starter TeeTees
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onder:
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TeeTees
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You're more than welcome Nancy.....if I can make at least one person laugh a day, I've managed to accomplish what I set out to do with my life :rock:
You gotta have fun huh ?....and whoever put those awful words 'grow' and 'up' into the same sentence needs a babies boot up the butt ! :roflmao:
Crazy Monkey
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Being from the glorious UK myself, here is my credit crunch contribution
Q: How do you define optimism?
A: A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
Q: What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: Why didn't the little boy get any pocket money this week?
A: ‘Cos Mum's gone to Iceland
Q: What's the capital of Iceland?
A: About £3.50 plus whatever they can borrow from Britain.
Breaking news: The Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've
called in the retrievers.
City traders are reporting that the Credit Crunch is more stressful than a
divorce. You lose half your net worth but still end up with a wife.
Q: How do you define optimism?
A: A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
Q: What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: Why didn't the little boy get any pocket money this week?
A: ‘Cos Mum's gone to Iceland
Q: What's the capital of Iceland?
A: About £3.50 plus whatever they can borrow from Britain.
Breaking news: The Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've
called in the retrievers.
City traders are reporting that the Credit Crunch is more stressful than a
divorce. You lose half your net worth but still end up with a wife.
TeeTees
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:roflmao: nice one CM.....but here's a few more :
What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets
Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."
Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...
I had a cheque returned earlier. "Insufficient Funds" Mine or the banks?
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.
What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets
Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."
Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...
I had a cheque returned earlier. "Insufficient Funds" Mine or the banks?
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.