If you had a great special time with a girl, but nothing will ever happen

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niceguyVZ

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She's probably not gonna become my girlfriend because generally women are not interested in me as a boyfriend but i spent some awesome time with a woman recently, like 1 hour just hanging out. She just kept hanging with me even though i'm not really interetsing as i'm disabled mentally. But anyways that happend it was special and i liked her, but i should just accept it as something that happend and will never happen again right? just forget about it let it go?. It's difficult cause it was special to me. it's so sad. i wish she would be my girlfriend. but i know it will never be.

It wasn't a night club or cafe or anything. it was at disabled person's center.she's not disabled but she has been visiting for some weeks.

Anyway, so it's pointless to think there could ever be anything more like she wanting to date me and become my girlfriend, is it?
 
If you know nothing will come of it, just enjoy the time you get to spend with her.
 
N Sperlo said:
If you know nothing will come of it, just enjoy the time you get to spend with her.
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yeah but that sucks. Why all other guys meet their mates when they least expect it? which would be something like what happend to me with this girl.. except yeah for me, it's probably not gonna turn into nothing cause i'm not suceesful i'm just a disabled person. most women don't want disabled guys.

that sucks that i never get any luck even though i try my best to be a nice person and friendly(in my own way).

:paperbag:
 
Do you really want to change to get what you want in relationships or do you just want to complain and convince us how unworthy you are to ever have a good relationship with a woman? It seems to me like all you want to do is complain and ignore whatever anyone else says to you. I recommended the "no more mr. nice guy" site once to you and it sounds like you didn't go there. I am posting the link again, and for the last time. (It's at the bottom of this post). You obviously know how to use forums, so if you actually want to change, then go there and get to work! You can do it, but only if you want to and are willing to give up on the "poor me" stuff and do some hard work. I spent some time on that site myself and learned a lot from it!

Court and Sperlo gave you some good advice it doesn't seem like what you wanted to hear. If you don't want to take my advice here, fine, but don't come back to me with how hopeless you are. I don't want to hear it and I doubt if any of the other guys want to, either. We all have our own relationship problems, and many of the people on this site are disabled in one way or another and have great relationships.

I know I'm speaking pretty bluntly, but sometimes that's what we need to hear. Go for it!

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/
 
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If you keep telling yourself that you're not really interesting because you're disabled mentally and you're never find a girl - Then your NOT! You need to have a more positive outlook about yourself. There's nothing wrong with you other than the way you see yourself.

Next time you see her and are talking ask her if she'd like to go out for a coffee or something like that. First dates don't mean you take her to an expensive restaurant in a limo. The first date I had with my now husband was out for ice cream then a walk in the park.

There have been many times, before and after epilepsy, that I've asked guys if they'd like to get together and they've said no. Yes I am a woman who will ask a guy out. It's usually because the guy and I seem really into each other but they are afraid to ask me out.

The very first time I met my husband was when my mom and I were waiting in line to see a concert and the two of us started talking. When they opened the doors my mom and I snuck into the seats. I had to go to the bathroom but if I left the section with the seats I'd need a ticket to get back in. I saw that my now husband was sitting a few rows back so I asked him if I could borrow his ticket and told him why. He told me that I could only have it if I wrote my phone number on it, which I didn't hear him say because the music was so loud. While I was in the bathroom I thought it was really nice of him to give me his ticket so I wrote my phone number on it. When I gave him his ticket back he asked me were my phone number was and I told him it was on the ticket.

He said the next day he was so scared to call me. There was no was that someone would want to date a divorced man in his 40's with a 10 year old kid, a beat up car and works in a mill. His brother had to convince him to call me. What's the worse thing that could happen? I'd say no? Well here we are, 10 years later and married.

So ask her out! What's the worst thing that would happen? She'd say no? You're never going to know until you do!
 
I don't want to offend and I think I told you this a while back, you continually say you are disabled (nothing wrong with being disabled) but you seem to only want someone that is not disabled. Maybe I am completely misunderstanding you, but if this is true is seems a bit discriminating and insulting.

I manage an apartment community and over the years I have had plenty of disabled couples come in to rent apartments. If you are only looking for women that are "normal" (for lack of a better word), then you may never find anyone.

I'm sorry if this offends you or anyone else. I don't consider myself disabled but I have a grandson with severe autism. It is doubtful he will ever have a girlfriend but it is even more doubtful that he will have a girlfriend that most people would consider "normal".
 
Arnie;love the link.ty


NiceguyVZ;Were not tyring to be mean or anyting ,but to help.
some times you need to look at a different road and see where it might take you. Its the road of life and there are many turns and some dead ends , but some times its a good thing to look past it and move on to another road...:blowup2:
 
Rich, I'm glad you like the "no more mr.nice guy" site. That place, and the book, made a really big difference in my life. It's not easy to do the things you have to do to get over the "nice guy" mentality, but it sure is worth it. It's interesting that the guy who started this thread chose niceguy for his handle. Very appropriate. I hope he chooses to use the site and break free of what's weighing him down and holding him back.
 
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MAB said:
I don't want to offend and I think I told you this a while back, you continually say you are disabled (nothing wrong with being disabled) but you seem to only want someone that is not disabled. Maybe I am completely misunderstanding you, but if this is true is seems a bit discriminating and insulting.

I manage an apartment community and over the years I have had plenty of disabled couples come in to rent apartments. If you are only looking for women that are "normal" (for lack of a better word), then you may never find anyone.

I'm sorry if this offends you or anyone else. I don't consider myself disabled but I have a grandson with severe autism. It is doubtful he will ever have a girlfriend but it is even more doubtful that he will have a girlfriend that most people would consider "normal".
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I see. Thanks for your response. I do understand that it's doubtful i will ever get a girlfriend but it's hard cause i have alot of attraction to those nondisabled girls. intense.

I'm not only looking for nondisabled women but i never meet any disabled women around my age. Most the disabled women i hangout with are much older than me and we just do activities, i'm not gonna date them.

Even the few that are around my age who are disabled, they prefer the gregarious talkative nondisabled guys. I've seen it alot.

So it's like nondisabled women are not interested in me and disabled women are not interested in me either. The only ones that are interested in me are older mature women who treat me as a son.
 
Go with the flow! Keep being the nice guy you say you are, and share thoughts with these older women. If they treat you as a son, then chances are they see you are a nice guy and they just may have a daughter or know a daughter's friend or whoever who is not currently in a relationship. Eventually you may be invited to be introduced to one of these potential girls.
 
masterjen said:
Go with the flow! Keep being the nice guy you say you are, and share thoughts with these older women. If they treat you as a son, then chances are they see you are a nice guy and they just may have a daughter or know a daughter's friend or whoever who is not currently in a relationship. Eventually you may be invited to be introduced to one of these potential girls.
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Thanks mater. :) But when i said they treat me like a son. I meant they see me as a little kid son. Because i'm like kid.

So it's not like they see me as an ideal adult partner for their daughers :)
But yeah well i'll just go with the flow.
Whatever happens happens.

I've been crying all these days because this girl might not turn into anything.
 
She might not turn into anything . . . but she also might turn into something! Keep positive, and enjoy the relationship for however long it lasts. But you've got to have the right attitude: if every time you see her you're thinking "she's never going to like me". imagine how you are going to come across to her. On the other hand if you approach her with confidence, a smile on your face, and a fun activity in mind to invite her to, who knows! It could be the beginning of a special friendship.
 
I spent so much time in my past paralyzed by that same fear. For the record; i found that it is so much easier than one may think to just change the way one thinks of their own image. I found that just knowing that i love me and i love people gave me confidence. The attitude is, and try saying this to yourself, " I like talking to this person so i am going to talk to them and enjoy it. If something comes of this, all the better! Otherwise i at least get to meet someone new and talk with them for a time. I will be cool with that."
 
I have a friend who is a young, good looking, wise, confident, kind archaeologist. He's happily married to a woman with severe autism.

Niceguy, I don't think your problem is your disability but your obsession with your own purported helplessness. I've seen that you have done some complicated medical research of your own but, in the same breath, you ask advice for simpler things that you're clearly able to take care of yourself, so it's obvious that you are capable of managing yourself to a high degree but that you are also wanting to come across as helpless for some reason or another. Until you get over that, I doubt you'll do well on the dating scene. The disability itself is a seriously tiny problem, so small that it's hardly even worth mentioning. I knew a man who couldn't walk and could barely talk, who couldn't feed himself or put himself to bed, but who found true love and was married to a post doctoral able-bodied professional for the last 25 years of his life. And they were still flirting with each other after 20 years of marriage.

In some of your posts, you behave with the utmost competence and maturity, while in others your language changes and you come across as a completely different person. Be that first person, the real you, who is not as helpless as he'd like to be, and you'll do fine.
 
I didn't read every post, but listen to Arnie. I don't even have to check the site. WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR THINK YOU CAN'T, YOU'RE RIGHT!
 
If you think nothing will ever happen nothing will ever happen.

When you go on a date there is more to you than epilepsy.Do you talk about your epilepsy ?and only it? Or do you just let them know you have epilepsy?
 
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