is a surrogate a better option?

[snjeffer]

I would really really really like to have kids one day and my doctor does not seem to be worried about the risks but the more I read online, the more I am questioning whether it is a good idea as I don't know how well I would deal with having a child with multiple disabilities mental and/or physical. It is enough for me that I had to end up with epilepsy, I wouldn't wish any medical condition or abnormality on anyone and certainly not on my child.

As a result, I am considering surrogacy- my egg, my husbands sperm and my sister as the surrogate. I realise there are a lot of people out there who probably frown upon surrogacy and personally I would rather experience the pregnancy with my husband myself but I really really want children and I think my sister, being medical condition free and someone I can trust might be a better way to go. Or maybe at least for the first child as I'm not sure I'm brave enough to have one myself the first time around. I totally admire people who do it and I have a friend whose mother was on three meds in the 80's and had two completely health, normal boys but there are always the horror stories you hear and it petrifies me. Especially when there is so much pressure from the online community to spread the news and post loads of photos of a perfect baby on facebook.

What is the general consensus on this? I'm on keppra, epilim (sodium valproate) and lamictal. My doctor has wanted to keep doses low (hence the three drugs) in order for me to remain fertile due to risks associated with valproate and polycystic ovarian syndrome.

please give me some positive stories re. pregnancy and epilepsy and those of you who have had negative outcomes, would you consider a surrogate if you were to have your time over or not have kids at all? I think it is possible that there are more societal issues with surrogacy in the states...? I'm Australian.

 

[epileric]

Welcome snjeffer

I have no problem with surrogates, I think they're an excellent solution to a problem.

Epilim has the highest rate of birth defects so I think if you can get off of it or replace it then the likelihood of any problems would be so low that I don't think you'd need a surrogate. If you can't get off of it then using a surrogate is a great alternative IMHO.

I came across this which answers some questions & might be a great help.

http://www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/AboutEpilepsy/Epilepsyandyou/Pregnancyandparenting-1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodium_valproate

 

[Staceypt]

I do not have epilepsy, but my son does. I am healthy, no meds, etc, etc -- my pregnancies were tough - my first son was stillborn, my second has epilepsy and autism, my third has albinism, is legally blind and has a heart condition. My 4th son is adopted --- his mom smoked, was on methadone, has a history of bipolar - and he is perfect - not a thing wrong with him, no delays, nothing. I guess what I am trying to say is that nothing is guaranteed - no matter how healthy you are (or your surrogate) there is no guarantee of a "perfect" baby. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything - all their disabilities and all. Of course we don't wish for these things to happen to our kids, but it is always a risk when you decide to parent.

Good luck with your decision - you will know what is right for you and your family. I have a friend who used a surrogate and it was wonderful for her, I also have a lot of friends who have adopted and that was right for them. Follow your heart and you will make the right decision for you. Good luck!

 

[momof3boys]

If you feel more comfortable with a surrogate, then I say go for it. Its what matters most to you that's what counts. Im a 31 yr old female who was diagnosted with epilepsy at the age of 18 months old. Ive had three healthy pregnancies and was on Keppra and Carbatrol during all three pregnancies. They turned out fine. My neurologist wasnt concerned at all. I did keep tabs with my OB in regards to anything epilepsy related if it were to occur. Fortunately I had no seizures during any of my pregnancies. I did have some after, due to the lack of sleep with having a new baby, but after resting, it was back to normal again. I say go for it, if you are up for it. Its all about what you want!

 

[LMReggcellent]

I wish you luck with your decision. I considered surrogacy just for a little while, I even discussed it with my husband and my best friend who would be the surrogate. But then I had a long appointment with my doctor about children and pregnancy. We talked about all kinds of possibilities that could happen to my child and myself with pregnancy, and she put me on lamotrigine. After that appointment I trusted my doctor and now I am nine weeks into my first pregnancy, and so far everything is perfect. My OB and I will talk about my seizures during every appointment (there have only been two so far).

 

[snjeffer]

Thank you all so much! I think I feel a bit more comfortable about the pregnancy aspect now What's the verdict on breast feeding? Did you breast feed momof3boys? LMReggcellent, are you planning to?

Epileric; I read the articles and they have made me feel a lot more confident about pregnancy! I didn't realise Epilim was so bad! Not sure if it would be a possibility for me to change though as my epilepsy is not localised. I'll definitely talk about it with my doctor though.

LMReggcellent; So happy for you! Glad to hear all is progressing well Sounds like you have a good doctor.

momof3boys; Fantastic to hear positive stories. There is so much negative information available on the internet. I'm glad to hear everything went well with Keppra.

Staceypt: you make a very valid point. Something to keep in mind even when I'm fully informed on the potential effect of AEDs.

Thanks all for the support on the surrogate option as well. It's a hard decision.

 

[qtowngirl]

Welcome snjeffer,
Guess I'll be the devil's advocate on this thread, but at the end of the day it's all about what's right for you

I was diagnosed and put on carbamazepine in 2003 and when the neurosurgeon told me about the risk of birth defects and abnormalities I made my decision on the spot not to chance putting a child or myself and the father through that. Though he said the risks were low they were still very real and I had some big decisions to make, that 'the rest of my life starts today.' Very blunt. I looked at my boyfriend and he just knew I couldn't chance it, so he said, 'We'll adopt.'
Not too long after that day I learned of a woman in our town who had been on carbamazepine but just had to have babies, so she went for it. All three of her children were born handicapped.
That sealed the deal for me, I always felt I had made the right decision but that cleared any and all little doubts. It's nine years later and yes I admit the 'ol hormones get to me sometimes when I think of never having a little one, but I still wouldn't have changed my mind.
My best friend has always offered to surrogate and still would to this day, and since we're both only 33 there's still a bit of time if I couldn't handle it anymore. IMO if you have someone you love and trust from start to end, it may be better for everyone's sake that you keep your body intact (it was also discussed with me the risk of seizing during labour; he said it was more of a risk to my life than the baby's b/c they could get the baby out fast if they needed to), and not take extra risk of deformation to the child, etc.
Like I said in the end it's up to you, but I'm with Epileric, the idea of surrogates is great. Best of luck to you! Keep us posted!!