Memory of what happened

[aggy84]

I've been seizure free for ages...until the other night when one just popped out of absolutely nowhere. It had been so long I forgot what it even felt like. I have partial seizures, and they have been a bit of a combo of complex and simple partial seizures. With medication, I don't have the lip-smacking anymore or twitching.

Anyway, the problem I'm having is it is all a big blur. The feelings I have with my seizures are feelings that are in no other part of my life. It's like fear but in a whole different category - that might sound super odd I know, but that feeling only happens during a seizure, and I had that feeling this time. It took me by surprise, there wasn't even much of an aura like I used to have, it was dejavu sort of then the fear. But it was like the more that realisation dawned on me it was happening, the more it began to get worse... not sure if that is even a thing! Did I encourage it? Is that a thing?!

I also found when previously it would escalate to twitching, or lip smacking, it didn't and that perhaps my medication somehow stops it getting that far now?

It's all so blurry I feel like I have just imagined it all, my memory is so hazy, but I'm petrified of having another. The weird thing as well was after the one I had, about 40 minutes later, I felt the start of another happening. But my main thing is the weird blur in memory, and me now second guessing what even happened. These seizures led me into depression, please tell me other people who have partials find themselves as confused as me? Wondering if they dreamt it up? And do you get the weird fear feeling?

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest in my keyboard babble

 

[Porkette]

Hi aggy84,

I've had absence and complex partial seizures for over 40 yrs. and take my word after the seizure is over I'm confused. I don't know how old you are but sometimes when a person goes through their change the seizures can either increase or decrease especially if it's temporal lobe epilepsy. Thank goodness my seizures decreased. Often before a complex partial seizure I have a jamis vu which is a feeling like you don't know where you are even if you are sitting in your own living room. I was taught to tighten up all my muscles and make my hands into tight fists the moment I felt a seizure starting and if I did if quick enough it stopped most of my seizures. I learned this back in the 1970's. Here's wishing you well and May God Bless You!

Sue

 

[Ksanchez]

You have pretty much just described what I go through. I do always have an aura or auras. With meds, I have complex partials with a few simples sprinkled in. Confusion is horrible afterward and the physical weakness and shaking make going out difficult. I have different auras but the one constant is the foggy dreamlike feeling that throws me off. I think the best way for me to describe it is feeling like I was just drugged. I'm so sorry you had another seizure after so long of the freedom.

 

[Army Vet]

Hi aggy84,

Yep, you have just described what I typically go through every time I have one (which is 2-4 times a month, that I know of). That's where I wasn't sure if I was having panic attacks or what. I've had so many now (unfortunately) that I can ask my parents if I had a seizure (for confirmation) within a few hours as opposed to them telling me the next day.

Plus, the next day I feel like GARBAGE! I do not want to do ANYTHING! I am drained and want to lay in bed and sleep.

Along with all of that comes the obvious confusion and loss of memory.

Where am I?
What was I doing?
Why am I here?
Am I dreaming?

Sometimes included is the aura with the "Oh no! Not again!" Dammit!! I can feel it coming on, but I can't stop it!!

Then of course the unknowns...
-What caused it?
-The short-term memory loss of it all (ie details)
-Will I have another one?
-Will I EVER make it go away?!?!

Trust me, you are not alone. When I was going through all of this and had these symptoms, I didn't know how to describe them and on top of it all, my memory was shot to where I couldn't remember most of it!! So not not only couldn't I describe it, but I also couldn't remember it!! AAAHH!!! It was making me go insane (which, as a military person, I'm already mostly there) :lol:

 

[aggy84]

Thanks for the comfort blanket messages that I'm not on my own here. It's been over a week now since it happened and I'm still beating myself up about it. When they happened a lot I'd be able to control them so they were less intense, but the sheer panic made it horrific.

I've been an anxious mess walking about, desperately trying to distract myself, but when people ask, it actually makes it worse talking about it to them?! How weird is that!

Porkette - Will 100% try that next time... if I remember to do it as it all comes on so fast!

Ksanchez - thanks for your kind words and making me feel less crazy and alone. I'm gutted I had one, I kinda thought I might be ready to drive again, but it looks like I'm not.

Army Vet - this - Oh no! Not again!" Dammit!! I can feel it coming on, but I can't stop it!! is just like me!! It's almost like it knocks the wind from you before you can do anything about it. Sorry you feel the same as me, but I'm really happy I am so not alone. I think being seizure free for so long, I've just forgotten everything about it!

Thanks everyone. Love this community :woot:

 

[Sabbo]

I have been noting the time & length of my seizures for a few years. I know what's going on when a simple partial is occurring. It's the complex partials that are a problem--if I'm alone. My family knows what things to keep track of & tell me after a complex partial so that I can log it.