More activity :( And other randomness

[RunningGirl85]

It's interesting how sometimes I forget how partial seizures feel until I have them... The past week has been really bad, thanks to being woken up at four a.m. on Monday (thank you, Army), and then being unable to catch up on sleep. Plus the high levels of caffeine to keep me awake during class.

So on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday there were a few times I really thought I was going to have a T/C seizure. My heart rate was up to 150 bpm (while I was just standing there - it was really high during my last ones too), I had been having deja vu's all day, and I wasn't "there." I also had the nausea and dreamlike states that I get. I dunno... I wish this would happen when I'm getting tested! Still not sure about the neuropsych stuff, but I think some people may be right that it's part of the workup, since I talked to my case manager yesterday, and she said that my PCM spoke to my neurologist, and he HAD said he just wanted more in depth epilepsy testing. I wish epilepsy wasn't so erratic. It had been a LONG time since I felt the way I did the past few days... the lack of sleep and stress kill me... Hence why I'm going ahead with trying to start the process to medically board out of the military. Even my neurologist said that if I wasn't an officer who the military spent lots of money on to send through school, that I probably would have been out of the military by now. Ah, we'll see. That's also making me nervous and probably contributing to everything.... Bleh.

 

[Nakamova]

It's ironic that the #1 seizure triggers -- fatigue and stress -- are a part of your job. I know it must be tough to contemplate leaving the army, but it's also important to put your short- and long-term health first.

 

[RunningGirl85]

Yea I know.... I made the choice to start the process of getting out last week. With the economy the way it is getting out makes me nervous. .. but I can't keep doing this

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

 

[BrandiBrat]

RunningGirl, I'm sorry That's awful! Such a tough decision for you to make! Why does the neurologist need or want more in depth testing for you?

 

[RunningGirl85]

I think a lot of it just has to do with whether or not to keep me in the military. Honestly, I think if I'd said I want to leave, he would've condoned that (it's basically a civilian doctor who helps the military doctors who make the determination decide). And I've still been having partials despite the medications - though they are better than they were. I think he's also still concerned with that.

 

[JaneC]

That's so cr@p RunningGirl, hope everything works out well for you. As Nak says, your health comes first but it's such a shame when you have to make a choice between that and your career. Sending you hugs x

 

[RunningGirl85]

Yesterday we talked more about the process of me getting out... My case manager said they'll be bringing me up today at a meeting. At least if I get out on medical I will still get a certain amount of medical benefits, including pharmacy. I will either get a monthly stipend (which is not enough to really live on alone, but it helps), or severance pay equal to about a year's income. I will also have my money for college which also has a stipend while I'm in school. I'll have about two years left of that benefit when I finish my master's.

I will admit it scares me, even if getting out is better for my health... Even if I can't drive, even if there's a lot I can't do, the army can't just kick me out (well, they CAN, but it's not kicking me out, it's medically boarding me)... Even if my memory SUCKS, they will work with me and get me the care that I need.

I've already noticed it getting worse and worse too... Yesterday I talked to one of my coworkers who was going to pick me up to go into my office early (my "formation", as it's called, is where we all make sure we're accountable is in a different spot than my office), and then today I told someone I wouldn't be running this morning because this guy was picking me up. He asked why, and I couldn't remember, I just remembered that I was going in early. I sit down to work on something, and I can't remember anything about what I had to do. Five seconds after I was told to take the copies of one thing, and give my commander the original of another, I have to ask again what I was supposed to do because I don't remember. It's EMBARASSING. I'm reasonably intelligent, but how am I going to do a job that I actually use my brain if I can't remember anything without writing it down? I guess carrying a notebook around would help.

And seizure activity is definitely picking up again, which is probably part of why my memory is getting worse... I had my episodes last week, then this week I've also been having an increase of deja vu's and just feeling "off." For awhile I was like "Oh, maybe the neurologist was right, maybe a lot of this WAS just mental" because a lot of stuff died down after I upped my dosage of zoloft (maybe because it made me want to sleep so much)... but no, it came back with a vengeance, and I KNOW how it feels when I feel it to have partials/auras. I go through up and down phases anyway... And any change in schedule and I go into one of my bad phases. I guess this is why leaving the military is for the best...

I guess that's all to say about that for now I should have more info later today... and hopefully an appointment with the epileptologist soon (whenever they call me).