onlygodknwswhy
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Hello to all, this is my story, I've never really been able to tell it:
I found this thread, because on days like this when I feel useless or helpless because of my health I usually read up on health. I was diagnosed with epilepsy at 12 and I didn't let it slow me down. My parents, schools were always not wanting me to exurt myself because I was athletic and lived for sports. I use to use my epilepsy as a motivation for myself to prove to everybody that not only could I do it, but I could do itbetter than they could have imagined. I was also a student that was usually in the High 80% to Low 90%.
I have played many sports, usually being the go to guy on the team. I also found a love for wrestling in high school, that I wanted to go to University for as well as get a degree in Physiotherapy. Everything was going to plan.....
but..
my last year of high school at age 19, I developed a sleep disorder (DSPS is the short form if you want to google). My epilepsy is basically based on sleep. I sleep 7-8 hrs im good to go, i sleep 4-5-6, then a seizure becomes almost certain. Nothing else seems to trigger seizures for me other than lack of sleep. If I feel like one is coming on early enough, I could go to bed, sleep an hour or 2, wake up and be totally fine like nothing happened
I started not getting to sleep until 4-5-6 in the morning and not waking until the afternoon. Which is when things started to fall apart. The school was cracking down on me, parents were cracking down on me, everybody thought I was into drugs or something. I almost didn't graduate high school, I had a warning about being expelled, so I went and had 4 seizures in a month. The school actually gave me a 50% in a parenting class (that I never took) just so i could have my last credit. This is the time that I started to get the labels: All the talent but no heart, Lazy and too scared to move on, All the brains but too stupid too use it. etc. I didnt know what to do, because I use to use my epilepsy as a motivator, now that I developed a sleep problem, I say I can't do this because of my epilepsy.
I took a cpl years after school to try to work out this new thing in my life. When I started yearning for Physiotherapy again. I took a Physio Assistant course at the local college, just to kind of get back in the rythem of school. And after 6mths I had to stop. I missed approx 50% of my classes, and still held a 3.75 GPA (like I said this was a dream of mine, most ppl read kootz, I read Anatomy and Physiology books). The teachers would talk to me, because I needed to be the for the practical work. So basically I was told I should take care of my health before school. I also had a few instances in class where I felt like I would have one, but had someone drive me home so I could get to bed.
My doctor decides at this time to take me out of work, out of school to work things out and maybe go on disability. To my suprise Epilepsy isn't on the Disability's list disabilities. So he basically told them he HAD to take me out of school, work, and everything and after 3 tries I got on. I tried many jobs after being on disabilty, even got my Real Estate licence. I have a natural way with ppl and it I did ok, but with my irregular sleep & making sure to sleep my alotted time didn't work well when ppl were waiting to see, or put bids in on houses.
Now I am a bookkeeper, working with my mother inlaw. Honestly its the most boring job I have ever done, but because its with my mother in law I can work it around my schedule. I sometimes have hard times with it because I end up doing books for physiotherapists, chiropractors, and I see what they are doing, and can't stop thinking that these could be my books, I have the ability to do it.
Anyways I am 33 now, and finally have a wonder fiance that understands me, supports me. She even has me taking my medication properly. It is very hard to do so when your sleep is all over the clock. But for some reason I always have that part inside me that says I have let myself down.
Thanks for reading and letting me finally get this out of me
I found this thread, because on days like this when I feel useless or helpless because of my health I usually read up on health. I was diagnosed with epilepsy at 12 and I didn't let it slow me down. My parents, schools were always not wanting me to exurt myself because I was athletic and lived for sports. I use to use my epilepsy as a motivation for myself to prove to everybody that not only could I do it, but I could do itbetter than they could have imagined. I was also a student that was usually in the High 80% to Low 90%.
I have played many sports, usually being the go to guy on the team. I also found a love for wrestling in high school, that I wanted to go to University for as well as get a degree in Physiotherapy. Everything was going to plan.....
but..
my last year of high school at age 19, I developed a sleep disorder (DSPS is the short form if you want to google). My epilepsy is basically based on sleep. I sleep 7-8 hrs im good to go, i sleep 4-5-6, then a seizure becomes almost certain. Nothing else seems to trigger seizures for me other than lack of sleep. If I feel like one is coming on early enough, I could go to bed, sleep an hour or 2, wake up and be totally fine like nothing happened
I started not getting to sleep until 4-5-6 in the morning and not waking until the afternoon. Which is when things started to fall apart. The school was cracking down on me, parents were cracking down on me, everybody thought I was into drugs or something. I almost didn't graduate high school, I had a warning about being expelled, so I went and had 4 seizures in a month. The school actually gave me a 50% in a parenting class (that I never took) just so i could have my last credit. This is the time that I started to get the labels: All the talent but no heart, Lazy and too scared to move on, All the brains but too stupid too use it. etc. I didnt know what to do, because I use to use my epilepsy as a motivator, now that I developed a sleep problem, I say I can't do this because of my epilepsy.
I took a cpl years after school to try to work out this new thing in my life. When I started yearning for Physiotherapy again. I took a Physio Assistant course at the local college, just to kind of get back in the rythem of school. And after 6mths I had to stop. I missed approx 50% of my classes, and still held a 3.75 GPA (like I said this was a dream of mine, most ppl read kootz, I read Anatomy and Physiology books). The teachers would talk to me, because I needed to be the for the practical work. So basically I was told I should take care of my health before school. I also had a few instances in class where I felt like I would have one, but had someone drive me home so I could get to bed.
My doctor decides at this time to take me out of work, out of school to work things out and maybe go on disability. To my suprise Epilepsy isn't on the Disability's list disabilities. So he basically told them he HAD to take me out of school, work, and everything and after 3 tries I got on. I tried many jobs after being on disabilty, even got my Real Estate licence. I have a natural way with ppl and it I did ok, but with my irregular sleep & making sure to sleep my alotted time didn't work well when ppl were waiting to see, or put bids in on houses.
Now I am a bookkeeper, working with my mother inlaw. Honestly its the most boring job I have ever done, but because its with my mother in law I can work it around my schedule. I sometimes have hard times with it because I end up doing books for physiotherapists, chiropractors, and I see what they are doing, and can't stop thinking that these could be my books, I have the ability to do it.
Anyways I am 33 now, and finally have a wonder fiance that understands me, supports me. She even has me taking my medication properly. It is very hard to do so when your sleep is all over the clock. But for some reason I always have that part inside me that says I have let myself down.
Thanks for reading and letting me finally get this out of me
