new to the forum

[momof4]

Hi,
This is my first time posting. I am the mother of an 18 yo boy/man with complex partial and grand mal seizures. He has been switched to vimpat a couple of months ago. Over the years he's taken tegretol, dilantin, keppra, topamax - and probably more I cannot remember. He is waiting to hear about appointments to begin the testing process for surgery. He has just graduated high school, was going away to school for a certificate program but turned out to need more academic classes than he was interested in, and combined with the tuition for an out-of-state-student he decided to take classes more locally. Was unable to get his license - the day most recently he was going to take the class he ended up admitted to the hospital for seizures.
Without a license he is not able to get to the classes - between my husband's job, my two jobs and my full-time classes, and living in very small town, he needs his license to get their. As all his friends move on with their lives, going away to school, etc and now his siblings are headed back to school, and he doesn't have football anymore, he is obviously depressed. He stays in his room only to come out to tell me how I won't let him move on with his life because I will not take him to the driver's ed class. And it's all my fault. I explain over and over that I will not be part of him driving - It was just over a week he was admitted to the hospital for seizures and I will not be part of him killing himself or someone else on the road. He keeps asking why I won't take him, then gets mad. He says he's 18, and I agree, but also make it clear that I will not be part of him driving. That means not driving out vehicles or being on our insurance. It is awful, and meanwhile my heart is breaking for him. I know he feels trapped and I don't know what to do. We live in a small town, there's not many places to work within walking distance. And he's now at the point where I don't think he wants to do anything. Other than remind me that I am responsible for his misery.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[epileric]

Welcome momof4

I remember when I first found out I'd never be able to drive I was rather depressed as well. Of course my dad (the eternal optimist) reminded me that I can move to any country in the world & not be drafted.

Have you told your son that it is illegal for him to drive? Most places insist that people with epilepsy go 6 months without a seizure. Maybe if you sat down with him & looked up the law where you live with him he can get a better idea of the reality.

Meanwhile, get comfy & look around. We've got lots of parents here that I'm sure will come out of the woodwork eventually.

 

[Nakamova]

Hi momof4, welcome to CWE!

I'm so sorry for your son's dilemma -- it's one that many of our adult members struggle with as well. I assume that bicycling to classes or activities isn't option either? Any chance he could get a ride with someone in the classes or is that also a no-go? What about online classes?

For the time being, it may be a matter of being patient. This is hard to ask of an 18-year-old -- but you're absolutely right to do so. Ask him if he would be prepared to take responsibility for any injuries to himself or others if a serious accident were to occur. It's not pleasant to imagine such a scenario, but it's important to be aware of the consequences, and the reason the driving restrictions exist.

Best,
Nakamova

 

[valeriedl]

I know in alot of states the dr is required to tell the DMV that you have epilepsy. You have to be seizure free for a certain amount of time before you are able to get it back, here in PA it's 6 months, so he may not beable to get his license any way. Find out about this in the state you live. This might make him realize it's not you who won't let him get his liscense.

I know it's hard to tell kids (if he's still considered that) that he can't do the things that he sees everyone else doing. "They are doing it, so why can't I!" You've probably tired explaining to him that if he's driving and would have a seizure behind the whell he could end up in a really bad accident and possibably even killing himself or someone else.

I know when I was in collage there was a place that people could sign up for car pooling, I think that's how you describe it. If you go there and look there might be someone who lives close by and might take classes around the same time as him. Since he can't drive he could offer them gas money to get back and forth to school. Could he maybe take a bus to class?

Even with working could he try the same thing, possibably find someone who works where ever and car pool with them?

Getting him out and being around other people is something that he should try to do. Is there any where that he could do some volunteer work? I know he wouldn't get paid for this, but it's something that will get him out of the house at least.

 

[NeuroNotes]

Hi Momof4

It seems rather apparent by your post that you are a wonderful mother.
Someday your son will know how hard this was for you.
It's simply difficult for him to comprehend right now.

Teenage Brains Are Different

She learned that that it's not so much what teens are thinking — it's how.

Neurologist Francis Jensen says scientists used to think human brain development was pretty complete by age 10. Or as she puts it, that "a teenage brain is just an adult brain with fewer miles on it."

But it's not. To begin with, she says, a crucial part of the brain — the frontal lobes — are not fully connected. Really.

"It's the part of the brain that says: 'Is this a good idea? What is the consequence of this action?' " Jensen says. "It's not that they don't have a frontal lobe. And they can use it. But they're going to access it more slowly."

That's because the nerve cells that connect teenagers' frontal lobes with the rest of their brains are sluggish. Teenagers don't have as much of the fatty coating called myelin, or "white matter," that adults have in this area.

Jensen is a Harvard expert on epilepsy, not adolescent brain development. As she coped with her boys' sour moods and their exasperating assumption that somebody else will pick up their dirty clothes, she decided to investigate what neuroscientists are discovering about teenagers' brains that makes them behave that way.

Full Article/Source

*hug*