- Messages
- 3,548
- Reaction score
- 96
- Points
- 213
FEAR of life
FEAR of knowing
FEAR to hope
FEAR of normal
FEAR of me
Fear is supposed to be something good, it keeps you sharp, conscious, aware, always ready to react. But what happens when that fear stands in front of you and you become afraid of fear. I am old enough to understand and yet I question myself about everything and I fear the decisions I make. What if it hurts someone, so how am I supposed to function (for want of a better word). I no longer have confidence in what I decide or do and look for someone to say that’s ok. I have started to question if I am good enough to work (not health wise) I find myself afraid to challenge someone despite knowing I am in the right. I have changed a lot more than I realised and not for the better it seems. I spent most of yesterday trying to convince myself other wise, I even stayed awake thinking about it and finally got up. What if all this is my fault, the way my family pushed me to one side (at lest that is the way it feels) did I do that. People shy away from me because I have always stud up for myself and even though I never went around publishing it, I never denied and always said I had epilepsy. I could not bear people putting others down because they could not understand and I stand by what I say “anybody with epilepsy is worth 10 of you so called normal people”. The last job I did was manager, I was fair but I went by the rules of conduct, so if you broke them you knew the consequences. Why has this confidence left me, why do I feel this fear now? Why do I want to cry, my situation is no different to anybody else and they get on with it so what is the problem with me. Am I that stupid, have I that little ability.
FEAR of knowing
FEAR to hope
FEAR of normal
FEAR of me
Fear is supposed to be something good, it keeps you sharp, conscious, aware, always ready to react. But what happens when that fear stands in front of you and you become afraid of fear. I am old enough to understand and yet I question myself about everything and I fear the decisions I make. What if it hurts someone, so how am I supposed to function (for want of a better word). I no longer have confidence in what I decide or do and look for someone to say that’s ok. I have started to question if I am good enough to work (not health wise) I find myself afraid to challenge someone despite knowing I am in the right. I have changed a lot more than I realised and not for the better it seems. I spent most of yesterday trying to convince myself other wise, I even stayed awake thinking about it and finally got up. What if all this is my fault, the way my family pushed me to one side (at lest that is the way it feels) did I do that. People shy away from me because I have always stud up for myself and even though I never went around publishing it, I never denied and always said I had epilepsy. I could not bear people putting others down because they could not understand and I stand by what I say “anybody with epilepsy is worth 10 of you so called normal people”. The last job I did was manager, I was fair but I went by the rules of conduct, so if you broke them you knew the consequences. Why has this confidence left me, why do I feel this fear now? Why do I want to cry, my situation is no different to anybody else and they get on with it so what is the problem with me. Am I that stupid, have I that little ability.