LovesPeace
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Hello, kind people!
I have a long and complicated neurological history with seizure-ish experiences from childhood. As a teen, I was tested for and diagnosed with possible TLE (but neg workup).
In my 20s I began working the night shift. The crazy hours and sleep deprivation brought on what I guess were little seizures.
Mostly:
1. Disgusting cigarette smell followed/accompanied by a feeling of a "negative presence," a sense of "magic/holiness/coincidence," and a rising disgust in my stomach. Then a bad headache. I thought it was just migraine.
or
2. (Usually triggered by bright light) A blinding flash of light followed by a rising, euphoric feeling lasting a few seconds, leaving me wanting more. No headache following, but feeling spacy and "light."
After I stopped working night shift, these mostly stopped. Occasionally weird things would happen, but nothing that required "help."
I have disturbed sleep, which I've thought is due to remnants of PTSD. I've been trying to improve my sleep for years.
Anyway, lately I've been waking up feeling like someone is poking me in my back, except it's a weird muscle spasm. Then usually a headache/exhaustion.
Last night/early a.m., I was in bed not sleeping and I smelled the disgusting cigarette smoke smell, which I hadn't smelled in a long time (sometimes I get the "feeling" of it, though). Then I went into a lucid dream in which I felt there was someone in the house and was worried he would hurt my daughter. I watched myself in the dream looking in my house for the malevolent smoker. In my dream, I then laid down on the bathroom floor--I watched myself from above and felt a sense of something about to happen. Then I saw my body on the floor jerk its leg twice while the muscle in the back twitched twice. I woke up completely as this started to happen and felt it happen "for real" in my "real" body at the same time as it happened in my dream. The whole thing probably happened in about 2 minutes, but it's hard to tell.
As soon as it was over I got a terrible headache and felt upset for a few minutes before being overwhelmed with exhaustion. I felt weird and lost/out of it all day but functioned normally. Not the first time I've felt this way, of course.
I guess if these are seizures, I've been having them for a while. I'm a bit disturbed that what used to be sensory experiences have progressed to motor involvement. Do these sound like seizures to you? How important is it that I do something about this? If it progressed in 10 years from no motor involvement to motor involvement, is it likely to generalize as time goes on? I really don't like going to doctors. I don't want to explain my complicated history and pay doctors to doubt my truthfulness or sanity.
Thanks for any input or feedback!
I have a long and complicated neurological history with seizure-ish experiences from childhood. As a teen, I was tested for and diagnosed with possible TLE (but neg workup).
In my 20s I began working the night shift. The crazy hours and sleep deprivation brought on what I guess were little seizures.
Mostly:
1. Disgusting cigarette smell followed/accompanied by a feeling of a "negative presence," a sense of "magic/holiness/coincidence," and a rising disgust in my stomach. Then a bad headache. I thought it was just migraine.
or
2. (Usually triggered by bright light) A blinding flash of light followed by a rising, euphoric feeling lasting a few seconds, leaving me wanting more. No headache following, but feeling spacy and "light."
After I stopped working night shift, these mostly stopped. Occasionally weird things would happen, but nothing that required "help."
I have disturbed sleep, which I've thought is due to remnants of PTSD. I've been trying to improve my sleep for years.
Anyway, lately I've been waking up feeling like someone is poking me in my back, except it's a weird muscle spasm. Then usually a headache/exhaustion.
Last night/early a.m., I was in bed not sleeping and I smelled the disgusting cigarette smoke smell, which I hadn't smelled in a long time (sometimes I get the "feeling" of it, though). Then I went into a lucid dream in which I felt there was someone in the house and was worried he would hurt my daughter. I watched myself in the dream looking in my house for the malevolent smoker. In my dream, I then laid down on the bathroom floor--I watched myself from above and felt a sense of something about to happen. Then I saw my body on the floor jerk its leg twice while the muscle in the back twitched twice. I woke up completely as this started to happen and felt it happen "for real" in my "real" body at the same time as it happened in my dream. The whole thing probably happened in about 2 minutes, but it's hard to tell.
As soon as it was over I got a terrible headache and felt upset for a few minutes before being overwhelmed with exhaustion. I felt weird and lost/out of it all day but functioned normally. Not the first time I've felt this way, of course.
I guess if these are seizures, I've been having them for a while. I'm a bit disturbed that what used to be sensory experiences have progressed to motor involvement. Do these sound like seizures to you? How important is it that I do something about this? If it progressed in 10 years from no motor involvement to motor involvement, is it likely to generalize as time goes on? I really don't like going to doctors. I don't want to explain my complicated history and pay doctors to doubt my truthfulness or sanity.
Thanks for any input or feedback!
