Reality

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Dani1960

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My husband is a veteran doomsday prepper. He is convinced it all has to fall apart one side has to win. Unfortunately I got caught up in this now I see how I enabled it. It got so bad that he denies my seizure risks including stress. Does not accept that if things get that bad once I run out of my aed I can have a seizure and die. I even tried to get an ER supply of lamotrigine. I could not. I am a trauma survivor as is he but he is activating his amygdala by checking the news looking for more self defense weapons etc..There is no way he will see reality. He claims he wants to protect us and these are his beliefs after watching for 30 years. Yes the US is very Polarized. If seems everyone is pushing everything beyond limits all the time. We live in a rural area. I told him today no more political discussions. He always claims I do not respect him or appreciate what he has done for me. I do. But we have been doing this for four years. The whole time we have been together and married. I have really had enough. Got very depressing with me wondering on daily basis if I was going to live or die. I am back in therapy. 3 months so far. Have no plans to stop. I remain with him because I do love care for him he is retired so we only have my retirement income. We own an rv together and 2dogs who are my documented ESAs. I do have a stun gun just for self defense and the law in my state is it is legal as long as I do not perpetrate a crime and use it for self defense only. This has been awful with anger yelling etc by both of us. He feels people must keep up with current events or we live in lala land..I am starting for me a news blackout. I do not feel my lamotrigine is causing this. I feel his hypervigilance his inability to relax let go. I am actually apolitical and an unregistered voter since 2018. He talks to his brother frequently who is the other party telling him how messed up his brothers political party is. Much earlier in our relationship I asked we get couples counseling. No way he said. I am always the problem. Have been part of it for sure for enabling this and just being vulnerable to this insanity. Now I keep on working with me. I have joined the health council in my town. They have asked me to be the secretary. I am a retired nurse. Was rn. I got bacterial meningitis of my brain almost 10 years ago from chronic sinusitis. Had craniotimy to remove access left temporal lobe. Was on a vent in multi organ failure not expected to live. I did. 5/7/14 to 5/7/24.
 
Sounds like you have been through a lot and your partner is not really listening to you. I would hope that might change, but it doesn't really sound likely. I think you are doing the right thing in looking out for yourself.
 
Thank you. I taking the brunt of the blame. He is having trouble accepting his beliefs etc equal apocalypse for me plus the news and fear took over. His response is you knew who I was and my beliefs. Well 4 years makes things clearer.
 
We had talk this am. He told me you owe me. For 4 unhappy years. I have had travel experiences with him I have never had before. I am very grateful. But my fear got out of control. But that is separate from my gratitude. He will never back down from his beliefs. He argues. I am not the only person in his life who has had issues with him over his beliefs but he says I have been most vocal. We move to a smaller rv park by a river at the foot of mountains in our state. He wants this to be further away from people. I want it to be in a peaceful setting. More than we are now. Nature is therapeutic. I walk daily 3000 steps. Plus it is 225.00 less per month
 
We live in a conservative small town of abour 3000. My health council participation where people who differ from him and my willingness to try to bridge this sick division - is that an issue with him? Me participating in this is rather Polar opposite to his beliefs. Thus council takes actionable steps to improve ir try to the physical mental health of our residents. So far seems non judgemental.
 
I wish I had some constructive ideas for you, but it sounds like he is going to follow his path regardless of your thoughts, needs or considerations.
 
Thank you. I agree and have come to radical acceptance of this. Others in his life- parents etc have had to deal with this. My heart is broken because I cannot help. I fear he will have to face or deal with this in some way- perhaps needing medical treatment in the future etc. I cannot follow him. I have been seizure free coming up 10 years. On may 7 this year I am going to celebrate.
 
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