mylo
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as of late i've become severely emotionally drained. i've no motivation anymore, no drive for living. and just at the worst time possible... i graduate from high school next week. i've no idea what to study, haven't applied for financial aid, nothing.
i simply go to school, take my adhd meds (i went cold turkey off my AED, valium, because my mother didn't fill the prescription for a few days), and remain my isolated, self. i'm doing great in school, amazing grades, especially since i started taking my ritalin again, however it comes with one side effect, i have this INSANELY scary borderline psychotic effect where i feel like there's an evil aspect to everything. it also kills my emotions (typical adhd response to ritalin, whereas if i was normal i'd be high as a kite).
unfortunately this isn't true of it's distant cousin, dextroamphetamine. it just so happens my sister loves popping vyvanse (basically a slow release form of dex) for work and she gave me a couple, so i popped 2 x 30 mg and here i am, in the greatest, most productive mood i've been in since 3 years ago when i was a habitual adderall abuser (i picked a day or 2 out of the week to drop massive doses of speed).
the one thing i notice is that it's antidepressant effect goes hand in hand with it's empathogenic effect. i don't get that effect from ritalin (i don't get any effect from ritalin other than the paranoia/psychotic depression and concentration).. i wonder if maybe a serotoninergic med is what i need. i'd discuss this with my doc, but he's a simple "no questions asked" doctor at a walk in clinic in mexico, and unfortunately they don't have any commercial brands of amphetamines in mexico, ritalin seems to be their wonder-drug..
i've been on every SSRI they prescribe around here and none of them worked. they all made me extremely uncaring and unemotional, like ritalin, just not nearly as bad, however they can be dangerous seeing as i don't pay attention to anything while on the stronger ones such as zoloft, i'd even walk across the street without checking whether any cars are coming, etc.
guess all i can do is wait to see if i'm covered by insurance this year so i can try to switch from ritalin (a reuptake inhibitor) to a more "monoamine releaser" type of medication like adderall.
as for the AEDs, i have to stay away from them... they may ease my anxiety (i don't have seizures, just anxiety apparently) but i'm convinced valium started me down this depressive/unmotivated path...
i simply go to school, take my adhd meds (i went cold turkey off my AED, valium, because my mother didn't fill the prescription for a few days), and remain my isolated, self. i'm doing great in school, amazing grades, especially since i started taking my ritalin again, however it comes with one side effect, i have this INSANELY scary borderline psychotic effect where i feel like there's an evil aspect to everything. it also kills my emotions (typical adhd response to ritalin, whereas if i was normal i'd be high as a kite).
unfortunately this isn't true of it's distant cousin, dextroamphetamine. it just so happens my sister loves popping vyvanse (basically a slow release form of dex) for work and she gave me a couple, so i popped 2 x 30 mg and here i am, in the greatest, most productive mood i've been in since 3 years ago when i was a habitual adderall abuser (i picked a day or 2 out of the week to drop massive doses of speed).
the one thing i notice is that it's antidepressant effect goes hand in hand with it's empathogenic effect. i don't get that effect from ritalin (i don't get any effect from ritalin other than the paranoia/psychotic depression and concentration).. i wonder if maybe a serotoninergic med is what i need. i'd discuss this with my doc, but he's a simple "no questions asked" doctor at a walk in clinic in mexico, and unfortunately they don't have any commercial brands of amphetamines in mexico, ritalin seems to be their wonder-drug..
i've been on every SSRI they prescribe around here and none of them worked. they all made me extremely uncaring and unemotional, like ritalin, just not nearly as bad, however they can be dangerous seeing as i don't pay attention to anything while on the stronger ones such as zoloft, i'd even walk across the street without checking whether any cars are coming, etc.
guess all i can do is wait to see if i'm covered by insurance this year so i can try to switch from ritalin (a reuptake inhibitor) to a more "monoamine releaser" type of medication like adderall.
as for the AEDs, i have to stay away from them... they may ease my anxiety (i don't have seizures, just anxiety apparently) but i'm convinced valium started me down this depressive/unmotivated path...
