Seizures and Driving

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Ok, so my girlfriend has epilepsy. I was generally ignorant of the disorder before I met her (I just knew that epilepsy = seizures), so I didn't even consider that fact that she drove regularly.

Well, she said her seizures had been in control for over a year, until she met me. And since we've been dating (almost 5 months) she has had about one seizure a month. She was good for a while, but had one about 2 weeks ago...and then had one again this morning. They previously hadn't been that close together.

Well, I really have been starting to worry about her driving. She was supposed to meet me today at 11 (and I live across town), but ended up not being able to do anything because she had a seizure. I realized if she had it just a little bit later, she could have been driving. And very easily could have been killed.

I'm not sure how to confront her about this. She really relies on her independence and driving, and she is out of the house a lot. And she has mentioned to me before about how she didn't drive for a year and half, and that it was awful. I'm worrying that this is a sensitive subject, but I HAVE to bring it up to her and let her know that she shouldn't drive. I just don't know how I should approach it.

I don't want to give her an ultimatum, and she is normally very understanding and intelligent. But I simply don't know if I can keep dating her if she continues to drive. I'd be worried sick every day, just waiting until I get the call from her parents that she died in a car accident, or killed someone else. I really do love her and would like to be with her for much longer...but I just simply wouldn't be able to support her if she continued to drive while having seizures. That not only would be inconsiderate to me, but it is also irresponsible considering she could kill another person while having a seizure on the road.

What do you guys think? Am I overreacting? Not reacting harshly enough? I'm confused. And also just needed to get this off my chest...I have no one else to talk to about this right now.
 
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No, you're not overreacting. That definitely is something she should be considering- that driving isn't safe for her anymore while her seizures have become more frequent. Don't be afraid to talk to her about it. Tell her how worried you are about her driving while she has more frequent seizures. It might be hard for her since I know how hard it is to lose a lot of your independence by not being able to drive, but she may realize that she should stop driving for her sake, your sake, and the sake of every other driver on the road.
She should also talk to her neurologist about why her seizures have become more frequent. She might just need a higher dosage of meds and she will be able to drive again as soon as they're under control again.
 
:agree:

1. She should review her treatment/meds with her neurologist to try and improve her seizure control.
2. And in the meantime, no driving -- the risk to herself and others is just too great.

I hope you can find a way to avoid presenting her with an ultimatum. It would be great if the two of you could work together to find ways to be proactive about her health.
 
Thanks guys. I'm going to talk to her about it, and I'm hoping she'll agree with me. We luckily communicate really well and she normally is very understanding, so I'm hoping this conversation isn't any different.

Also, this is as good a time as ever for her to not drive and get on top of her meds. She doesn't currently have a job, and I have a lot of free time and the ability to drive her places. This would be much more difficult of a decision if she was employed and had more responsibilities. But if I offer to drive her places and accomodate her while she gets on top of her meds, now would be the best option for her.

I also talked with my mom about it, and decided not to give any type of "ultimatum"... I really do love her and I think it would just make us both feel worse. And it probably wouldn't affect her decision to drive, it'd only make her more stressed and unhappy. And I'd be just as sad if something bad were to happen if we weren't together...so it'd likely just make the situation a lot more messy.

And her epilepsy isn't a taboo subject, I've adopted a gluten-free diet (her gluten allergy is a main trigger), and we've also recently tried to get a healthy sleep and exercise schedule to keep try and reduce the frequency and maybe discover what has been triggering them recently. So I have faith she'll understand and hopefully stop driving.
 
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I think your mother is right. By approaching her in a supportive manner, she will be much more willing to listen. Ultimatums close people off. Also this may take a few conversations. I know it’s important to get her off the road, but try not to “tell” her what to do. See if she can reach that conclusion on her own through your dialogue. Try putting yourself in her shoes, than then brainstorm alternatives. Please let us know how it goes!
 
i watched myself drive into guard rails i was looking for a place to pull off road but too late
i did manage my foot off gas so i was sort of slowing down---it is not a fun thing to happen just to watch yourself crash and do nothing
then there was the time i was was going to work and woke up an hr later in a cornfield
i don't drive anymore
not trying to scare you but you should worry and watch her close
 
Well we talked, I just kind of slipped into the conversation and told her I think I should drive her until she sees the neurologist and gets her seizures under control. Couldn't have went any smoother than it did. I think P-Funk is right in that it'll take a few conversations, this one wasn't a serious "We need to sit down and talk" thing, so it might not have fully sunk in. If she starts driving again (luckily her car is out of commission right now because it needs a new wheel), I'll have to revisit the conversation.

Thanks guys!
 
Sounds good -- hope things get better for her (and you) from here on out.
 
My wife worries about me driving (I am not allowed to until December). In georgia you have to be seizure free for 6 months before you can drive. I am glad your girlfriend took it well (some people don't take not being able to drive well). I am not a fan of not being able to drive as it limits what I can do and puts the burden on my wife to do all of our running around for groceries,etc.... (luckily we work at the same place) It is better to be safe than sorry. Sometimes you have to put your pride to the side and let people help you.
 
Keep in mind if your girlfriend seizes and kills or hurts someone, she will be found guilty and liable in a court of law. My license is still intact, but I voluntarily gave it up because I couldn't have someone's death on my conscience. I live in Los Angeles where a car is pretty essential for survival, but I adapted, I'm sure your girlfriend will too.

There's always possibility of controlling her attacks, so just be patient and work together.
 
I know at the moment I could drive with little problem, but things can be so random with my seizures. So I take the safe route and don't drive. My license will most likely be taken soon, which doesn't bother me. I would never be able to handle killing someone because I had a seizure. Not worth it. Be patient with her though, it's hard not having that freedom when you want it. I relate to how she feel but at the same time I totally understand why you would be worried. Just take the good advice everyone on here has given you and things should work out. Best of luck to you and her.
 
Neurologists are required to report seizures to the DMV with their patients and often times, their license can be taken away until either meds have seizures are under control or they remain seizure free for more than a year.

I felt extremely lucky when I had my seizure I was at Walmart but had been driving just less than an hour before. If I'd had my seizure after leaving Walmart, I would have been on the road and could have killed myself or someone else. If her seizures are not under control, she should not be driving at all and I'm surprised the Neurologist hasn't had her license pulled for that reason.
 
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