Shrinking feeling and a straight light

[Billyboyboo]

I'm just curious, does anyone ever feel like they are shrinking, it's like everything is too big??
Like you feel like an imp and everything around you is just not the correct size?

Another question, along with this, does anyone ever see straight line of a light??

Like the sun shining at night??

Thanks, Billy

Edit: I had this worse when I was a child, Here goes... After or during sleep, I would wake up and everything was 100 times bigger than me, which my mother would tell me that I panicked, I do remember once lol, a fruit basket, the bananas inside were huge, it's all a blur really, but I remember parts of this.

 

[occb]

Apparently that's a fairly common type of seizure experience. My partner has the opposite -- objects seem small and far away to him sometimes, which apparently is different than feeling huge. Once he felt huge AND objects were very small and distant.

I don't know about the shining light, I'll have to ask him.

 

[Billyboyboo]

occb, I have that sometimes too, it's like too big or small.

Thanks, Billy

 

[Cinnabar]

When I was a child I used to feel like my head was a balloon larger than anything in the room. I enjoyed and was both frightened by this sense of light headeness.

 

[Billyboyboo]

Laurie,

I had it worse when I was a child too, I wonder why?

I still have it sometimes, but not like I use too.

Billy.

 

[Cinnabar]

Billy, I think I had it worse as a child because at the time I was being abused by my father.
That feeling that my head was larger than my body was really a form of dissociation. A strange form of Out of Body Experience. I don't get that "particular' feeling now. But I do have PTSD as a result of trama, horrifying nightmares where I'm "back there", fleeing from a movie theatre, let's say, which reminds me of the horror. And sometimes I feel like I'm hovering over myself. But that hasn't happend in a long while. Laurie

 

[occb]

Laurie,

*Big hug*

I didn't realize dissociation could cause a feeling like that. Can it cause feelings like you're struggling to walk through water too?

 

[Billyboyboo]

Laurie,

I too was abused by my father, and I have PTSD.

Well, he started abusing me as a teenager.

Billy.

 

[occb]

*Big hug to Billy*

 

[Billyboyboo]

Thanks,

Though that's where my anxiety started and PTSD I think.

Billy.

 

[Cinnabar]

What I expressed to Billy was the least of it as I have a major Dissociative Condition. There is no medication for this disorder as it's physiological. After years of therapy, I've become more whole and now can manage to have a sense of humor about it.

I am very greatful to Billy and a few other members who have come out and discussed their dissociation causing me to feel less alone.

Since I joined CWE I learned that dissociation and Bi-Polar Disorder are related to Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. It's confounding to researchers so you can imagine how I feel. Confused!

And does it cause feelings like I'm struggeling to walk through water? No. But sometimes, I'm feel weightless, up there, looking down on my enviornment.

Thank you so for the hugs...

 

[Cinnabar]

Billy,

PTSD is always a precursor to Dissociative Conditions. It's also typical for PTSD to manifest years after the trauma. Sometimes a decade which was my case. It came on full blast just one day. I still contend with the nightmares though they're less intense and infrequent now. A doctor once told me I would have to live with them for the rest of my life. But I like to think more optomistically.

Billy, I want to thank you for sharing your experiences. It's a comfort to know that someone understands. Laurie

 

[Billyboyboo]

Laurie, Hi

I do have a Dissociative Disorder, I didn't know what it was for the longest. I had Derealization and Depersonalization, it's scary, it's like seeing something for the first time, like being disconnected from everything, "Unthinkable"...
I had it so bad once, I couldn't recognize anything around me, I slept constantly, trying to escape. That's why I was put on the Klonopin and Valium, it helps. I'm on so many meds, but I rather be on the meds than to feel that way.
You're correct, there really are no meds to control it, I find it's something you really have to work with yourself. I also had mania, dillusional outburst, It was crimpling, but I'm working on it, "sewing my Aura" I call it, yes I do believe it is connected to Epilepsy, I will tell you why, I had 2 very electrical seizures after the feeling of disconnection, may have been an Aura, hard to say.
Some say dissociative disorder is from underlying anxiety, I really don't know, but doing all I can to help myself, I do share stories cause it helps, I, too feel not alone anymore, well, as I have read many stories that describe mine.
I find questioning our existence makes my disorder worse, I don't know, depends how in depth I think about it.

Billy

 

[Cinnabar]

It's true. You don't realize you have it until much later. I will tell you that I have DID, "Dissociative Identity Disorder" which includes Depersonalization and Derealization. That's the big picture with me. I'm I'm framgmented due to early on repeated trauma.

And you do have to "work it out". I've been seeing a specialist for DID for nearly a decade and have made much progress but it has not been easy.

About "electrical charges". EMDR "Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing" where you're slightly hypnotized so you can "view" the trauma without getting emotionally wrapped up, is frequently used with DID patients. My first session was not what I expected. I immediately felt such a strong electrical surge in my body that I was litteraly lifted off the couch. I now believe I had, as you said, an electrical seizure. It happened five concsecutive times. I was terrified.

I've often experienced mania and sometimes still do despite being stabilized for Bi-Polar condition for ten years. I became aware of the dissociation after the Bi-Polar sypmtoms were kept at bay. It's as if a layer had been peeled off and there was the awareness of Dissociation.

Billy, I'm so glad we're able to have this dialouge and in public because I'm also an advocate for mental illness and hope this educates anyone who may be reading. More importantly, you give me the opportunity to connect. Thank you. Laurie

I've provided you with a link which discusses dissociation though not in it's entirety.

http://www.nmha.org/index.cfm?objectId=C7DF8D4E-1372-4D20-C86C22067E838DF0

 

[Billyboyboo]

Laurie,

DID, I have heard of, I don't know if I was diagnosed with that or not, I would have to look, but I do know I was diagnosed with Bipolar and PTSD, along with Anxiety & Panic. I read the link.
Yeah, many people don't believe in Psychiatric Problems, I for one, DO BELIEVE IN THEM. I have an Aunt, she always lived well and healthy, then one day, she just started going through allot, she was up 2 weeks straight, and she had medicine, but cold turkied it all, then she was put in the hospital, after that she was ok, no one could ever figure out what happened.
I think people are against some of the medication prescribed for Psychiatric conditions, but what they don't understand, this medicine saves lives, just like Anti-Epileptics have.
I think I have also been diagnosed with OCD, not sure, I would have to look, but my Anxiety sometimes is out of control, and that's when i start getting the Derealization feelings and so forth.
My trauma began when I was a teenager, my father was mean, and he was very abusive, to the point I developed paranoia of him, I remember being afraid he would do something while I was sleeping, he would do all kinds of things, I really can't go into too much depth on the forum.
I had a seizure once, he grabbed me up and took me outside to at least 20 degree weather in the midst of a seizure and shook me, lucky it didn't kill me, but then again it was my first one, and maybe he really didn't know what to do. My mother said I started shaking, eyes rolled back, and I was growling at her, no idea, I don't remember, but I remember the shaking some thereafter.
I had allot of childhood trauma, especially in my teen years.
DID, is that like what Sybil had? She conquered it, and it was with therapy.

Billy

 

[Cinnabar]

Billy, it does help to share. Feeling alone in "all' of this I think just contributes to the anxiety, fear and confusion. It's devestating to grow up at the hands of a father who is supposed to be protective. I was a victim of sexual, emotional and physical abuse. My father was my tormenter. He would not think twice about cracking a dish over my head, throwing me across a room or smiling when he saw that I was in pain. What your father did was also criminal. And I "am" sure that there are many more instances than what you have shared here.

Most all people with OCD are very smart. I have OCD. A very mild form which rears its ugly head just occasionally. So, I guess I'm just a little smart!

No. I'm not to the extreem of Sybil. The condition runs on a continum scale. Let's say 10 is the highest. After years of therapy, I would say I'm at a 4 now. Before therapy I would say I was at a 7. I call it a Conditon not a Disorder because it's really a highly creative form for means of survival, developed as a young child in order to keep sane. In many ways it's a gift. I'm not subtracting the horrors of it but sometimes it does come in handy. That's about as much as I can say here about it but if you want to PM me I can explain it in more depth. It's very complicated. The problem is that when people hear of DID they immediately go to "Sybil" or "The Three Faces of Eve". People need to be educated that DID need not always go to that extreeme and that it "is" life saving.

The reason I have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy is due to this early on abuse. The first question my neurologist asked me was if I was ever abused as a child. The left side volume of my hippocampal region is underdeveloped because of all the trauma. 50% less than the volume of my right. It is also related to Bi-Polar Disorder.

Yours with understanding, Laurie