the tables have turned...

[mylo]

now that i'm in love with her, i feel things for her again, i fixed my emotional numbness, she went numb...

she's numb to me.

because i put her through a bit of hell over the stupid choices she makes and because i was numb to her and because i popped painkillers in front of her this morning.

now she's numb... and it scares me she says it's the first time she's ever felt this in her life. i'm obviously a borderline (bpd) and the saying about borderlines attracting isn't a myth. i've dated a borderline before, without knowing it, it's like our personalities attract.

i hope she's not numb to me like this... i hope this can be fixed...

been really depressed lately. need to lay off the painkillers and tequila.

as a side note, to add on to my already crappy day, my dad was almost captured by the drug cartels today. he ran into his truck while they were "escorting" him into a van... my life's falling apart right now -_-

 

[Nakamova]

Today I took my nephew to lunch and put some mulch on the weeds in the front "garden"... Which is to say, I think your life has a bit more ups and downs than mine. I hope things level out for you, and in a good way. Give your girlfriend some time before counting her out, these things take time to process. I agree that maybe painkillers and tequila aren't the best solution. Stay safe.

 

[BrandiBrat]

Awe, Mylo I'm sorry about your dad. I've told you about my brother being killed by the Mexican cartels in Juarez and they don't play. I'm glad your dad got away.

I know it's sometimes hard to do but try and focus on you...do things that make you feel good and concentrate on your health and happiness. Pills and tequila works for a little bit, believe me I know. But it has a hell of a backfire. For me, it's one step forward and three back. I've learned that I can't do it anymore, as tempting as it can be.

If your girlfriend loves you as much as I think she does, she'll be there for you and the feelings will resurface. Let her process what you're going through and give her some time....she gave you time, right?

Go to the gym, my friend. Exercise that fit body of yours and replace the negative actions with POSITIVE ones. You can do it!! :banana:

 

[pita300]

Mylo,
tequila and painkillers not a good option. I tried the painkillers just last week. All it did was hurt the people closest to me. Like Nak said give your girlfriend some time before you count her out. I had to. In the long run I know she is behind me in every thing I do and my biggest cheerleader and I am hers. I was doing every thing in my power to count her out. And I finally realized she wasn't going to let me. It can happen to you too where she will become your biggest supporter if you let her. In the mean while take BrandiBrat's advise. She knows what she is talking about

 

[mylo]

although i know painkillers are NOT a good idea, they really are on-the-spot mood stabilizers for me, always keep a mild opiate like tramadol handy in my cabinet, however my days of buying OTC painkillers in mexico are over. never headed there again after what happened. planning on moving out of here and into canada (LONG STORY) by next year anyway.

i think the alcohol put me in a bit of a depressed mood that day.

planning on staying drug-free from now on. back to my buddhist practices for comfort and healing...

 

[pita300]

That's good to hear. The one thing you'll find about this site is we all support each other. Good luck with your plan. If you need encouragement for staying drug free we are all here!

 

[mamasita]

mylo;
I agree with what everyone else has said.

Give her time. It must be hard for you and everyone that suffers (I'm on the other side, My fiancee suffers with E), but the ones that love you suffer as well, we want to help but don't know what to do; we want to make you better but don't know how. Our hands are just as tied as yours are and we are confused as well.
Women... well, we are odd ducks, we need to take the time to process everything, to work through ALL the steps, to battle everything out in out heads and our hearts. She loves you... have huge pride in that.

Yeah... BPD...pain killers and tequila...not a good mix. Sure, your self-medicating but not in a good way.
BTW...Canada isn't so bad...fft:

 

[MuayThaiFighter]

Damn man im sorry that is going on. I feel you on the BPD attracting, i've found myself dating people who mirrored that part of me. And sometimes it can be really bad, or it can help. Depends how well both of you understand each other. I know the feeling as well. When your mind comes back and the emotion comes back, sometimes things aren't what you thought they would be. You think people will be around to catch you when you fall, but in reality they distanced themselves. But remember, you can't help you have to deal with this stuff. It isn't your fault, and true friends and even lovers need to understand that.

As for the pain killers and drinking. Those are bad but you already know that. Just find the medium you need to take to find yourself again. I could just say, 'stop all the bad stuff.' but in reality that is for you to decide. The pace you quit is up to you, and i'm sure you can get off any meds you don't need. You have a lot of willpower man.