this really blows!

[ian_s]

today i think i had another seizure i take 300mg/day dilantin 3 mg/day clonazepam 400 mg a day tegretol i have generalized epilepsy.
due to a stroke last february caused by klonopin withdrawal.
anyhoo i've been horribly depressed and crying all night and this morning my toungue pops out of my mouth and i can't keep my head up my eyes are going everywhere and i was trying to talk and tell my parents (i'm 35 btw which is also not so encouraging) that i don't have epilepsy and nothing is wrong with me but, i can't talk.
so they shove a bunch of drugs down my throat and an hour later i can talk.
i hate to think this is reality.
what really gets me is the depression.
i won't tell you how depressed i get but i think you might understand.
i can't stop crying.
i thought men were'nt supposed to cry or, live at thier mother's house.
does this mean i'm gay?
uggghhh!!!!

 

[matchu]

no it doesn't mean your gay! that is just silly. I cry when I feel like it. I have major depression disorder. You say that like being gay is a bad thing. We are who we are and it is best not to demoralize those not afraid to be who they are.

 

[Meetz1064]

Nope, you're

not gay, but if you were, that's not a big deal either---you are who you are, as Matchu says, and you must accept yourself.

As for being depressed--yep, you are, and understandably so. Can't say that I blame you in the least, either.

I know it's hard to see it this way, but look at the bright side--and smell the roses. Unfortunately, there's always someone that's in a worse position than you, though it may not seem like it right at this moment in time. I know that sounds horrible to say, but when i get to feeling REALLLLLLLLY down, I remember that. (I've been doing that a good deal lately.)

Then, go out for a walk--and literally check out nature. Breathe in the fresh air, smell the flowers, play with the leaves on the trees--and watch the kids playing on the piles of leaves as they start to fall. It does wonders for ya, I promise.

If I get realllllllly ambitious, I'll plant something as well, even if it means I need to grow it inside. Recently I discovered that I can actually grow avocado plants (who knew??) in addition to some other really neat flowers that tend to bloom year after year. Me, Ms. Brown Thumb!!! :bigmouth::bigmouth: LOLOL

Or, if you'd like, sit down, and write things out to empty out your head. Journals/diaries are wonderful things for pouring out your emotions into. As a matter of fact, I'm a big advocate of E journals, for tracking everything when you don't know what's caused your seizures and you want to find out.

Taking advantage of writing--and trust me, it doesn't have to be perfect, even just a few paragraphs, nonsensical if you want--is a great idea. Great stress reliever, too.

 

[huskymom]

Love the writing idea! I know this is what you hear all the time, but you will feel better. It just feels like all the weight of the world is on your shoulders right now. Silver lining.....at least you are not homeless :roflmao: Try to get out on a sunny day and just listen to the birds. That always helps me when I am feeling down. I know deep depression is much worse, but do what you can do and try not to stress out about the things you can't change right now.

 

[Endless]

Ian,

You aren't gay. Being gay or not is okay in this world. Just like your race or religion is okay. Everyone is equal and loved by the people that matter. The rest can jump in the ocean.

That said, you are definitely not gay. Seizures and the medication can make you cry, sweat, be depressed, affect your thinking and your judgement, etc. Please consider calling your doctor and letting him know how you are feeling right now. If it is serious depression your doctor will want to either decrease your AED dosage, switch you to another drug, or put you on anti-depressants.

I know it is hard having your independance, health, and freedom taken away. That alone made me depressed for months. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are very lucky that your mom wants you home with her. Many people in here have nowhere to go. And this is temporary. Once your seizures are under control and the side effects are better, you'll be strong and steady again and you'll be back on your own two feet.

Hang in there.