Upsetting question: any help ?

[vapour]

Hey all, I have wanted to post this question for quite a while, but its sort of upsetting so I have put it off.. and also put off telling my Neurologist.... it may actually be nothing of interest or worth noting....but I just need to get it off my chest.

I dont really have a concrete answer of why I have epilepsy...all that has been noted is febrile seizures as a child... and a head injury where I was knocked out for about 3 mins as a teenager.....but not been discussed in depth or anything... which is fine... I just want to be healthy... not delve into the past.

Well, here is what I have not mentioned. My mother was very abusive growing up, I have cigarette burns on my side... and a couple of scars from having stitches. I was never taken away from home...because I lied about these, social services wer einvolved... but nothing came of that.

So... here is the thing. As a teenager.. when my mom divorced my step dad it got worse.... and pretty much everyday up until I was about 16 I got punched around the head. She did not punch me in the face because it would have elft a bruise... but at the left side of my head around my ear (she was right handed). I would get punched multiple times at once and it left me with sharp shooting pains on that side of my head.

I happen to have left temporal lobe epilepsy now, and that left temporal lobe is right where I used to get punched.

Its been playing on my mind, obviously, I am very angry and so I thought I would ask becuase it would be nice to hear "its not becuase of that" ... which would help this anger.

Was wondering if you guys thought it could possibly be related.

 

[Bernard]

Physical trauma (head injuries) can cause scarring in the brain which can be focal points for seizures. Emotional trauma might also play a role. See here for more info: http://www.coping-with-epilepsy.com/forums/tags/trauma.html

 

[TempusFugit]

Oh Vapour Firstly, I appreciate how difficult that must have been to disclose this. Kudos to you. I work with children who come from abusive backgrounds (in a school) and I can sincerely empathise with you.

Any head trauma could scar/injure the brain - as a child I also had febrile convulsions and my neurologist has said that in all probability the scarring on my right temporal lobe came from this. I doubt whether they would know for sure whether your left temporal epilepsy came from this or the abuse you suffered (please feel free *anyone* to correct me if I am wrong here). I can only assume that it didn't help (either emotionally or physically).

xx

Edit: Also what Bernard said lol. He responded as I was typing this post. Boy, is my typing impaired today

 

[Cint]

Vapour,

Since it is temporal lobe epilepsy, which is what I also have, it could possibly be from the trauma and abuse you went through growing up. The only reason I say that is because years ago my epileptoligist asked me if I came from an abusive background. But my seizures started when I was 22 years old, so for me, who knows.

 

[Nakamova]

Gosh Vapour, I'm so sorry for what you had to undergo. It's hard to rule anything in or out when it comes to causes of E, but it does seem that head trauma might have played a role in your case. In my case, I think a serious concussion I had when I was 5 may have been at least a contributing factor in my developing epilepsy 30 years later.

 

[KelVarQ]

Vapour,

First I want to apologize for what you dealt with as a child. This is not the norm and shouldn't have happened to you. Unfortunately parents can sometimes take their frustrations out on their kids and don't understand or realize the damage they're doing. You mom obviously had some of her own issues and unfortunately used you as her target, which is never acceptable but nonetheless still unfortunately happens. I'm sorry sweetie : (

As far as your question goes I do understand how you're feeling since I grew up with 5 older brothers who thought nothing of throwing me around. One of them was especially abusive and used to beat the daylights out of me. (Ironically, it was this brother that I was always closest too and even favored him more than anyone in my whole family). Today, as an adult, we're no longer as close and I now see things so much clearer and this happened after RTL surgery when my whole family (except my mother) ended up among the missing for years and I thought we had always been so close. (This crushed me, but I've come to accept it). But, I too have oftentimes thought about the beatings I took as a kid by mainly him and wondered. I even remember in high school he beat the crap out of me and the next day I had lumps all over my head and was sent to the school nurse with a fever. A few years later diagnosed with E. Coincidence? My guess is you can remember some of the beatings where there was ringing going on in your head? I know I can. But, actually the truth is we'll probably never know for sure and I've come to learn that thinking about this is not helping me in anyway since whether it's due to him hitting me or not is not taking away the E. We can't go back and fix it and the very thought of telling them that perhaps they "may" have caused it will not benefit anyone since chances are they wouldn't accept that burden of guilt and we can't prove it. Perhaps my brother does think about it because again, we were always so close and after RTL surgery I never really heard from him again. Today I see him once in a blue moon (maybe once a year at a cousins wedding) and he lives close to me and doesn't even know my daughter. It hurts at times, but I realize it's his own demons / guilt and it was easier for me to forgive rather than carry it.

My thoughts are if you think the E was due to your mom than perhaps it was or at least in the back of your mind it was and maybe just accept it as that along with forgiving her and recognizing that she had some serious problems and YES it was wrong but try to move past it and live for today. I don't know your relationship with her today, but my guess would be that even if she believed she may have had something to do with it she wouldn't dare accept that as truth due to the burden of guilt that it would bring to her. But either way it's not going to change the situation so rather than torment oneself it's worth dismissing and putting closure to it. I no longer think about the why's and deep down it's obvious that I have my own conclusion of why I ended up with E. Today I actually feel sorry for my brother because I've come to realize that he's not as strong as I thought he once was and the fact is, I'm so much stronger than he. So, the answer to question is YES I think it's very possible but just maybe it wasn't due to it and try to forgive her. The forgiving helps you more than it helps anyone else. You can even write it out and once you get it all out put the idea / thoughts of why (even a specific time that you think caused it) to rest.

I'm sorry sweetie and for whatever it's worth you deserved so much more.

 

[Meetz1064]

Oh, Vapour!!

While your guess may be right that the trauma caused by your mom may be the source of your E, it also may not be. I do feel for you.

No one should ever have to go through what you've gone through, Vapour. Whenever you want to talk, feel free. I'll listen, and so will many here, I'll bet.

Honestly, though, I have to agree with KelVarQ. Your mom will probably not want to admit what she's done, though, so be prepared for that. I know that that is hard to understand, a parent not wanting to take responsibility, but it does happen.

Make sure you talk to your psychiatrist about this. This is something that you will have to work through. They will be able to help you work through it, I'm sure....

((((HUGS))))

Meetz
:rock:

 

[vapour]

Thank-you all. Its ok I dont really feel sad, just angry, and part of that anger may come from being diagnosed this year.. I think I might still be coming to terms with it. Sometimes I sit and think .. well .. what if i wanted to join the marines at some point.. and so on and so forth.. you know how it goes.

I confided to my Neurologist with this question, and then wished I could have taken the meail back. I will wait and see if I get a reply, infact I might make a app to see her soon because I seem to have alot of questions lately.

Anyway: check out my post in the lounge...you wouldnt believe what happened today, I think I might have saved someones life ?

 

[Bernard]

I confided to my Neurologist with this question, and then wished I could have taken the meail back. I will wait and see if I get a reply, infact I might make a app to see her soon because I seem to have alot of questions lately.

The more information they have, the better position they are in to diagnose and treat. If the info isn't useful, it will soon be forgotten. :twocents:

 

[Mike]

I was the passenger in car that hit a tree going about 100 miles per hour. T.B.I (Tramatic Brain Injury) in a coma for several days. It left alittle scare tissue on my brain R.T.L three years later the seizures started. After about one year after the T.B.I the auras started. They would happen only after a night of drinking.